Breaking Dawn part 1 - Just wants something to sink its teeth into

This review is on Breaking Dawn part 1. The main characters are played by...you know what? If you don't know who these people are by now, then you have done yourself a wonderful service. This film was directed by Bill Condon who also did Dream Girls and Chicago. I don't really know where to begin? I'm at a loss for words, this is so bad it's unbelievable. The music bugged the hell out of me. Oh my god it bugged me! After every bad "dramatic" or "touching" scene there was an even worse song. This is the kind of music that you would hear in an elevator, coffee shop, or some high school asshole has on his ipod. The music was so bad I wanted to splash hot coffee on my face so my screams would drowned out the noise. But how do I judge such a movie? I myself don't believe in love, and this story is revolved around such a thing that can be replicated by large amounts of chocolate. The acting was laughable, much worse than the last movies. Which must be hard to do because they have been playing these roles for about four or five years. The lines were so damn cheesy, I couldn't help but laugh. "There is no measurement of time I could spend with you that could be enough. So lets start with forever." PLEASE! Yuck! I mean talking about cashing in at the right place in the right time. This movie is garbage, the story is garbage. These characters are false and unrealistic, they are only hear to dazzle the ignorant and for the fat to lament. I'm probably being too harsh. But I hated it. Breaking Dawn part 1 gets a 1 out of 4. And unfortunately I will probably see the last one, I saw the other four so why not?

Footloose Sexier than a chicken wearing socks

This review is on Footloose. Starring Kenny Wormwald, Julian Hough, and Dennis Quaid. Footloose was directed by Craig Brewer who also did Black Snake Moan and Hustle & Flow. Bit of a stretch if you ask me. Please allow me to begin this review by saying, Dennis Quaid, really REALLY needs to throw in the towel. I am beginning to hate this man and his awfully substandard acting. STOP! You are almost as bad as your brother. I walked into the theater with a very indifferent feeling about this film. An employee even said there is an exit inside the theater and just outside our theaters entrance if we needed an escape. Wasn't too comforting. I have seen the original film but memory is lacking at the current moment. Fragments remain of Kevin Bacon dancing around. I assumed like most remakes that this was going to be absolutely terrible. The film starts off with a bunch of kids dancing and having a good time. Five of them drive home across a bridge and there is a fatal car accident killing all five kids. Poor driving if you ask me. I mean kissing someone while driving is kind of stupid in the first place. I laughed out loud with some subtlety, but I was the only one, giving me the feeling my sense of humor is a bit twisted. So laws are set in place where dancing in public and playing loud "bad" music is illegal. And the plot is introduced in the first five minutes of the film. My biggest issue in this movie is Julian Hough's character. She annoyed me so much. I have never seen a girl try so hard to be slutty. It was pathetic, and yes that was her character, but who is that desperate to be with someone? Who is that insecure? This is a bit off subject, sort of, but here's a line from Kenny Wormwald that should be of help to the desperate. "Yeah we can roll around. But that sweat on your back is going to dry, and you are still gonna' feel like shit." But I digress. I didn't like her character. The relationships between the main character and his friends were developed rather quickly. But none-the-less I did enjoy them. I didn't mind Kenny's acting, I have witnessed better and worse. The dancing. Oh the dancing, this is what I enjoyed the most. The sequences got me tapping my foot, and the music was stuck in my head. I was even singing the Footloose song before we even went to the movies. After the movie I was dancing for hours, with some liquid courage. And when I woke up the music was still in my head and I was shaking my hips. It is a bit out of character for me but I like where it's going. All in all I liked it. Footloose isn't going to win any best actor/actress awards. But it was a fun film to go to if you don't mind the mediocrity that Dennis Quaid provides. I give Footloose a 2 1/2 out of 4. It would get a three, I really wanted to give it a three but I hate Julian Hough's character. Now if you don't mind I'm going to go and dance some more.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - Apes are stupid

This review is on Rise of the Planet of the Apes starring James Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida Pinto, and John Lithgow. This movie was directed by Rupert Wyatt who also did the Escapist. I had no real expectations for this movie. But seeing the beginning of this saga seemed interesting enough for me. This movie starts out with the apes being captured and forced into a lab where tests were performed on them. The tests were for a virus strain that could cure Alzheimer disease. During the demonstration one of the apes go crazy and escape injuring people and were forced to kill it leaving a baby behind. This movie had it's good points and bad points. I liked most of the acting, Franco did a decent job pretending there was a monkey in front of him. Okay the acting wasn't the issue with me. I hated how fake the CG looked. The animation was horrible and kept taking me away

from the movie. But not all of the animation, mostly just the scenes where there were monkeys and humans. When it was just the apes they seemed to put a little more detail and realism into it. The movie did a good job filling all of the details the earlier movies had created. Really wasn't anything left out. But the movie was slow and a little drawn out. Watching it once was enough. A second time might be a chore. Rise of the Planet of the Apes gets a 2 out of 4. I thought it was better than Cowboys and Aliens. But not by much.

Cowboys and Aliens - You don't remember do you

This review is on Cowboys and Aliens starring Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, and Olivia Wilde. This movie was directed John Favreau who also worked on Zoo Keeper and Iron man 1 and 2. Cowboys and Aliens. My first thought was 'you got to be fucking kidding me.' This looked like an extremely poor idea. It seemed like another Snakes on a Plane, which was also over hyped and the publicity was insane. Cowboys and Aliens wasn't as hyped but it still came out of nowhere and suddenly there is advertising all over the T.V. and other events I witnessed. The movie starts off with Daniel Craig waking up in the middle of a desert with a metallic device attached to his wrist. Of course the device instantly reminded me of a Pipboy from Fallout 3 and made me want one very much so. But I digress. Craig is immediately surrounded by men whom take it upon themselves to assume he is a criminal and take him in. The action scene that follows seemed scripted as did all other fight scenes between humans. I wasn't impressed with the action. What I did like is that the technology their main ship consisted of wasn't shy of ours. Still better and capable of mastering space and time, but the model seemed similar. Daniel Craig's character seemed very bland. Sure he was just playing the strong silent type, but he should have some flavor. He felt like some mindless doll that moved and shot a gun when told to. Harrison Ford didn't have any issues playing a grumpy old man. The acting was mediocre at best. The alien animation wasn't terrible but their characteristics were lazy at best. I liked the movie but it felt like a cookie that lacked all sugar and flavor. No depth and some urgency but the urgency didn't matter if I didn't care. I give Cowboys and Aliens a 2 out of 4. It's worth a rent.

Harry Potter The Deathly Hollows pt. 2 - Lets finish this how it began, together

This review is on Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows pt 2. Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint. Directed by David Yates who also did Harry Potter's 5, 6, and 7. Well Harry Potter for me like many others has been kind of a family tradition of some sort. I personally started the series on book 5 which I would say was my favorite, that or 6 it's close. But none the less this franchise is one of the few that have managed to keep my attention and even wanting more. But the movies have always left something lacking. And with The Deathly Hallows pt. 2 I think I have finally figured out what that was. Even though they left stuff out from the books I believe what they lacked was the emotional punch the books had. My heart could not get into the movies as it did the books. Especially the last movie, the most heart wrenching moments in the franchise happens in the last story and I felt absolutely nothing. Maybe it was the fact that I was up for twenty four hours when I saw it or it was the fact that it was poorly done. My guess it was poorly done, even the Oscar moments were sadly lame with bad makeup. I'm keeping this brief as I am sure all of my adoring fans have scene this movie already. From what I have heard I am the only person who feels this way, so I'm sure it's just me and my expectations were just through the roof. I love the books but the movies were another story. They were okay and got better with age but were still very mediocre. I give Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows pt. 2 a 2 out of 4. You know she is gonna make more. She'd be dumb not to. Hell I want more.

Transformers Dark of the Moon - You may lose your faith in us, but never in yourselves

This review is on Transformers Dark of the Moon Starring Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and Josh Duhamel. This movie was directed by the destruction porn master himself Micheal Bay. This was the movie I was waiting for this summer. It's redemption time baby yeah! Or is it? Revenge of the Fallen was to say the least not very good. The humor forced into the move was less than needed, and kind of stupid. Unfortunately some of this humor transferred into this movie. It was very hit and miss but again took away from the movie for me. And I know Megan Fox is a complete bitch. But to reference her in the movie and how much of a bitch she was to work with was kind of childish, and very unprofessional. Don't bring your personal squabbles into my viewing pleasures. Megan Fox's replacement Rosie still couldn't act, but was better than Fox. The beginning of this movie was rather a pointless one and could have been cut out because the movie was almost 3 hours long. It starts off with Sam out looking for a job while living with his girlfriend. But has lost his self worth and meaning without the Autobots. There were some funny scenes with John Malcovich. Well all this job searching leads to Sam running into a coworker who was involved in the space program and Apollo eleven. Apollo Eleven and the space race with the Russians was a massive cover up to investigate the alien craft that crashed on the dark side of the moon. The Russians took the ships engine and kept in Chernobyl. Well we can all guess what happened there. Well only 35 or so people were involved with the real truth behind the space race and all were slowly being assassinated. And so uncovering these murders leads the assassin to Sam and thus the plot begins. Well a simple plot I suppose, no real depth to it. Though there was unneeded silly comedy this movie was darker than the others. Which I believe the franchise needs. When there was violence it was heavy. But with the violence came no real urgency or threat. It was fun to watch but I had no worry about the main characters well beings. The animation was lackluster and could have been better especially with the caliber of the franchise. I have had a lot of negative things to say about this movie, but I still liked it. It's still not the Transformers movie I have been waiting for but its a small step in the right direction. With that being said I'm not sure they will make any more. I absolutely hated the ending. If this was the end of the franchise. It was an ending I was very let down by and would not have envisioned for the end of Transformers. It was very rushed and I couldn't help but roll my eyes and say "really?". Very let down. I liked it but there was too much I found wrong with this film. But at the same time I feel it was on par with the first movie. I give Transformers Dark of the Moon 2 1/2 out of 4. Please don't end it on this note. Oh almost forgot Shockwave, bad ass, I don't quite understand what he was but I liked it.

Green Lantern - It's called courage

This review is on Green Lantern Starring Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, and Peter Sarsgaard. The director was Martin Campbell who also did Casino Royale and Goldeneye. This is one of the movies I have been hearing that a lot of people want to see. Before I get into this I have a real serious issue with superhero movies these days. They need to make a rule, only one actor per hero. Yes I am looking at you Ryan Reynolds and Chris Evans. For those of you who don't know Evans played Johnny Storm or better know as the Human Torch. But he is also playing Steve Rogers/Captain America. He was also in The Losers, Scott Pilgrim VS. the World, all comics. Come on dude get some diversity. But what happens when they do a major cross over such as the Civil War. In the marvel universe that was a pretty big thing and what are you going to do when the Human Torch and Captain America need to be in the same scene? Yeah its stupid and it needs to stop. But I digress. The Green Lantern starts the movie off with Hal Jordan being reckless and mouthy, typical for a Reynolds character. Thank god he is reprising his role in the upcoming Deadpool film in 2014. Jordan is a pilot whom is flying fighter jets with his partner played by Blake. Against two unbeatable jets completely unmanned controlled by A.I.. Well Hal taking this as a challenge and does something stupid and this whole Topgun thing kicks in. An event that happened in his past triggers in his mind causing him to freak out. Sure it has a little relevance to the lesson in this movie but I honestly didn't give a rats ass about it. So skipping ahead and Jordan obtains his powers and is left with the struggle in his mind if he is worthy of such a gift. Will he let his old self get in the way of him becoming the hero the universe needs him to be? There is another major thing that I didn't really care for and that's his suit. It was completely CG, really? You couldn't make a decent Green Lantern costume? His suit was very distracting to me, and the almost cartoony CG at times took me out of the experience. But in a nutshell this was a good movie, I liked the growth of the characters. I felt a sense of urgency when the protagonist was causing its mayhem. Plus it kinda creeps me out. Reynolds did a good job playing sort of the same role he always does. But I truly think he was meant for Deadpool. I have mixed feelings about this movie. It was very fun to watch but flawed in ways that I felt I was nitpicking. I give Green Lantern a 2 1/2 out of 4. It was good and I really wanted to love this movie but we could only be friends...don't call me I'll call you. It was a nice first try on a DC comic going to film. Super Man and Batman can't be the only heavy hitters. Oh, stay after the first batch of credits there is a little surprise. Maybe a little teaser for a sequel?

Super 8 - That was mint

This review is on Super 8 starring Joel Courtney, Elle Fanning, and Riley Griffiths. Super 8 was directed by J.J. Abrams who also did Lost and Armageddon. When first approaching this film for me there was only two ways out. It was either going to be complete shit or it would be amazing. There would be no middle ground, and very little room for error in story and character development. Also at first look this movie seemed like a cross between E.T. and the Goonies, which isn't a bad thing. Well I'm glad to say that this movie did not disappoint. These children could do great things in the acting world. Each of them did a spectacular job playing their roles. This movie was set back in 1979 and this group of boys were making a zombie film for the Super 8 contest. To make the script a little deeper they add a female character as a love interest. They all sneak out at midnight to film a dramatic scene at a small train station when opportunity strikes and a train is coming. Seeing this increased production value they hurry and shoot the scene as the train passes. Behind them a truck drives up onto the tracks and crashes head on into the train derailing it. But amidst all the destruction something escapes the train thus beginning our story. The effects and explosions were very nicely done. I really can't give this movie enough compliments. The story was fantastic, the growth of the characters showed their experiences and how they learned from them. This movie had a very wonderful rhythm not missing a beat through out the film. I felt a certain nostalgia watching Super 8 as if it reminded me of the Goonies and E.T. and other such movies of the 80's. I left the theater not being able to help myself but smile. But there was one thing, this one thing. And I honestly wouldn't know how to properly end a movie like that. But the ending I saw was a little ridiculous but at the same time kind of reminded me of the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind. After watching the movie I realized my first analogy was correct with Goonies and E.T., but throw in a little Cloverfield and you got Super 8. I loved this movie, I cared about the characters and the story which is very rare for me. There was built tension and relief when it settled, this movie had almost everything. The ending flop didn't even matter to me. I give Super 8 a 4 out of 4. If the ending would have been better I may have found another one of my so called unicorns. But regardless I would pay to see this movie in the theater again and maybe again. This is my favorite movie so far this summer.

X-men First Class - We are the better men

This review is on X-men First Class starring James McAvoy, Micheal Fassbender, and Bill Milner. This movie was directed by Matthew Vaughn who also did Kick Ass, and Stardust. I have always been a fan of Marvel even since I was a kid. But what got me into Marvel and kept me into it was the X-Men so naturally I had to go and see First Class. This movie is very different from the rest of the franchise, it took a different approach. At least to me it did, I felt a different pattern in this movie. The direction it took wasn't your basic hey there's a bad guy lets go get him. It ran a little deeper than that, not much but deeper. It was actually quite nice to see how such a strong relationship formed, and the amount of respect Charles Xavier and Magnito had for one another. The bond itself though within the movie didn't feel quite real to me. These two men are the definitions of best friends and old enemies. The movie to me did not find a good way to share this experience with the audience. But Mystique and Xavier on the other hand, their relationship with one another I really enjoyed. Maybe its the sheer fact that it was unexpected or maybe I just didn't know about it in my comic book adventures. But none the less the story starts off exactly as the first X-Men started accept with a little more. A child Magnito is in a German concentration camp during World War 2 and is separated from his family causing him to realize the existence of his powers. In another part of the world Xavier is living in a mansion care free. In the concentration camp you meet the antagonist Sebastian Shaw played by Kevin Bacon. And let me just say that Kevin Bacon did a great job playing Sebastian Shaw. Kevin, I don't think I will find myself saying this about you again but it was a pleasure. First Class was a better film than the others in the franchise. The acting wasn't spot on and the time lines seemed to be a bit off but none the less I liked it. I give X-Men First Class a 3 out of 4. I got a soft spot for the X-Men.

Jane Eyre - My little elf

This quick review is on Jane Eyre starring Mia Wasikowska, Jamie Bell, Holliday Grainger. The Director is Cary Fukunaga who also did a handful of shorts and documentaries. This movie was based off of the novel Jane Eyre written by Charlotte Bronte in 1847. It is one of those stories that has withstood the test of time. Though in modern english/shaksperian I still needed a translator in some parts. This movie is about following a girl from when she is a child until she becomes a woman seeing all of her trials and tribulations. This movie is very well done, well acted, well scripted, everything was great. But it was insanely slow. I checked my phone numerous times just to see how much time had gone by. Some parts were very intriguing and others could not end soon enough. This film gave me the depth I have been craving in movies, and for that I am grateful. But I will be honest, for the average person this movie is not for them. Most people now want witty humor, colorful pictures, big explosions, and nudity. You won't get that here. You will get a deep integrated story about love and loss. I give Jane Eyre a 3 out of 4. It is not my speed but their is an audience for it.

Kung Fu Panda 2 - The hardcore understand

This review is on Kung Fu Panda 2 starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Lucy Lu, Seth Rogen, and Jackie Chan. The director is Jennifer Yuh who also did Kung Fu Panda, Spirit, and Dark city. Well like most sequels it is always nice to see all of the actors reprising their rolls. I just want to say that this movie was fun. But I always had a soft spot for cartoons/CGI films. From the opening credits a smile steadily grew on my face. This film started off with a strange paper show that described the reasoning for the plot of the movie. Then skips over to Po who has a funny moment and then jumps right into an action scene. At the end of the fight Po sees a symbol that stirs up memories of his past and sets him on a side quest of finding out who he really is. The fight scenes are very well animated and are extremely entertaining. But like most sequels this movie suffers from what most sequels suffers from. It does not live up to its predecessor. There is growth, development, and good comedy but there just didn't seem to be as much brought to the table. Their wasn't as much at risk nor was their anything to really gain either. The relationships didn't grow or get any deeper. There was an instance where I thought Po and Tigress were going to show some sort of signs of getting closer but alas their was nothing. In that instance I was slightly let down. I hope this franchise does not become like the rest and is just out to make a quick buck. I have high hopes for Kung Fu Panda. Their were scenes at the end that lead me to believe that there will be a third movie. And in this scene I saw a connection with the first movie. No matter how minuscule it was, it was there which made me think that their was an attempt at something deeper in the works. But that may just be wishful thinking. I give Kung Fu Panda 2 a 3 out of 4. I also have a soft spot and a respect for Kung Fu.

Hangover 2 - We are a wolf pack

This review is on The Hangover 2 Starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis. Hangover was directed by Todd Phillips who also directed The Hangover, Due Date, and Old School. So the director hasn't exactly veered from what was familiar. The Hangover 2 was a very funny movie, and at every turn you are bound to be shocked or appalled. This movie starts off Ed Helms's character getting married in Thailand. So the wolf pack with some persuasion to invite Zach's character went off to the wedding. A new character was introduced sorta, and that's Helms soon to be brother in law who gets caught up in their mischief. Well through a few scenes and having a few laughs they get to the beach and that's where their adventure begins. This movie is very straight forward about its plot. The next morning they wake up in a different place and so on and so forth. This movie is the same as the first. Other than location and the losing of the characters this film is the same. And that's my biggest issue with it. Other than the little surprises you will see along the way. Same plot and same formula take place as well. Their was absolutely no difference between the two. But I guess they were just making a safe bet and it sort of paid off. I'm sure the masses will look past this and be blind to the nudity and comedy. But for me it left me wanting something more. Don't get me wrong I still enjoyed it but there was just something missing for me. I give The Hangover 2 a 2 1/2 out of 4. Too much of the same.

Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides - Depends on the light

This review is on Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides. Pirates is one of the heavy hitters or must sees on my summer of ass kicking movie list. This movie starred Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, and Geoffry Rush. Pirates was directed by Rob Marshall, who also directed Chicago. Well right off the bat this film has two very great things going for it. One, no Orlando Bloom. Lets face it this guy sucks and I hated his character. Constant bickering on his behalf along with an inner struggle that lasted three movies only being resolved at the end of the trilogy. For shits sake get over it. Orlando was fine in the first movie but it just got dumb. Second thing, no Keira Knightly thank god. This girl is a terrible actress. She has two things in common with every character she has played. They are the same character. And they all feel they need to show their tits to the camera which is completely redundant because she lacks the chestical fortitude to do it anyway. Stranger Tides starts off with Mr. Gibbs being tried in a courtroom for having his identity confused with a certain Captain we all know and love. So Jack Sparrow impersonates a judge and a daring escape en-sews that involves some daring improvising and fun chase scene. When Jack Sparrow first appears on the screen it almost felt like seeing a lost acquaintance that needed no introduction. And we picked up right where we left off as he continued to entertain me with his life stories. Jack and the camera had a certain chemistry, the camera loves Jack. If he is in the shoot he immediately steals the scene with his theatrics or mischief. Angelica (Cruz) I could not help but feel her character was lacking so to speak. She is a past love interest for Jack that only has the purpose of continuing the franchise with the fifth film. My biggest issue was Black Beard. In the movie he is proclaimed to be the most feared Pirate in all the ocean. This character lacks any sort of depth and he basically enters the film just as he leaves. He gave no sense of urgency or threat. Black Beard was basically another hurdle to leap over to get to the main goal. And finally Geoffry Rush. Yeah you, who do you think you are? Great acting and a kick ass pirate accent? As you can tell this isn't a complaint. Geoffry Rush, it's always a pleasure. Stranger Tides was pumped out to make an extra buck off of this established franchise. But that's okay I have come to enjoy these movies, regardless of how ridiculous some of its scenes may have been. I am willing to pay my money to see this movie. But only once there is no need to see it again until it comes out on DvD and then the price is reduced. Jack Sparrow is one of my favorite characters, and I'm sure I am not the only one. I look forward to the fifth installment and am willing to spend my hard earned money on it. I give Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides a 3 out of 4. This movie was a fun ride. But it lacked a certain depth I know it can go. There is a little surprise at the end of the credits but honestly it's not really worth waiting for.

Bridesmaids- Not what I expected

This review is on Bridesmaids. Starring Melissa McCarthy, Ellie Kemper, and Rose Byrne. This comedy was directed by Paul Feig. This movie had a simple formula to it. Friend finds out about other friends engagement and becomes the maid of honor. Maid of honor has competition with brides other friend and goes crazy trying to out show the other friend. This formula is simple and worked very well in this movie, sometimes less is more. I have no real qualms with this film, there really isn't much to say about it either. It was a well written, well acted, and very funny movie. The humor was very foul and insightful, and I loved every bit of it. The character Megan was my favorite. Her raunchy character had me covering my mouth and face with some of the things she had said, trying not to laugh out loud. I expected a straight up chick flick but I was completely wrong. Yes somewhere in this movie there is a small romance story, which was refreshing from time to time. Just enough to show the growth and change with the main character. And yes their were some questions left unanswered but I didn't even care or notice until I started thinking about it. I give Bridesmaids a 3 1/2 out of 4. Some of the jokes ran a little longer than they needed to be. They were still funny, it just started to get annoying.

Priest- Another one bites the dust.

This review is on the film Priest. Starring Paul Bettany (Legion), Karl Urban (Lord of the Rings), and Cam Gigandet (Twilight). Just in case you didn't know who they were. Karl Urban is a little more well known in recent movies than the others. This Science fiction/post apocalyptic/vampire/western as it was classified was directed by Scott Charles Stewart whom has worked on quite a few films but not sure if he has directed any of them. This is another rendition of a comic book, which have become very popular this spring/summer. Priest starts off with a family in a house out in the middle of nowhere. The father hears a noise and looks outside and to his surprise its a horde of vampires coming to ruin their evening. Well to make a short story even shorter they took the daughter and killed the parents. The Priest is told of these deeds and heads off after them breaking his coven to save the girl. That's basically the entire movie. No character depth, no real dialog what so ever, no effort. This was a very lazy and poorly done movie. I thought my story had issues jumping from event to event, but DAMN. Here's the movie. Something happens, ride on motorcycles, fight, repeat. They go somewhere say a line or two then ride off and fight. This was so ridiculous I couldn't help but laugh. And to top it all off it was only an hour or so long. It felt like the movie ended when we sat down to start watching it. I don't need to mention how worthless the 3D was, it always is. There were some good ideas they didn't bother playing off of. For example how the world was forcibly ran by the church and to go against them was basically treason. I liked the vampires and how they evolved to not have eyes. They mentioned in the movie that the eyes were the windows to the soul and vampires were soulless creatures. The war prior to the movie they didn't bother doing anything with and seemed far more interesting. I liked the idea of the hives for the vampires which were huge mountains and inside were these catacombs and it basically looked like a giant beehive. They didn't even bother giving the queen vampire more than a few seconds of recognition. There were some interesting elements to this movie but was not used to its full capability. It felt like eating an unglazed, and unfilled jelly doughnut that had been sitting out all day in the sun. very unsatisfied. I give Priest a 1 out of 4. If you decide to see this movie anyways ask if you can pay half price because of how short it is.

Thor I want to walk across the rainbow bridge

This review kicking off my summer of bad ass movies is Thor Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Tom Hiddleston. This comic book movie was directed by Kenneth Branagh also known for Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, Hamlet, and Operation Valkyrie. So this movie seems to be quite a stretch from his comfort zone. Thor is about the Thunder god whom is supposed to ascend to be king of Asgard. In growing up he becomes arrogant, spoiled, and battle hungry. He was contending for the thrown with his brother Loki but naturally Thor is selected to succeed Odin. So the Frost giants, one of the antagonists of this film find a way to break into Asgard's vault to steal back an artifact of theirs. When this happens Thor goes berserk for action. Him and his friends go to the Frost giants realm and wreck havoc on the population. When they become trapped on the planet and all hope seems lost Odin saves them and Thor is banished to Earth losing his powers for his recklessness and starting a war. Now here is where I have complaints. Thor was a complete dick in his home land. When he gets to Earth that all goes away and becomes a giant teddy bear. So to speak. No growth in character what so ever. In Asgard he's a dick. On Earth, he's immediately nice. Why wouldn't he be arrogant on Earth? Is it manners that keeps him in check? Or the fact that he is among lesser beings and feels he needs to set an example? In any case he changed too dramatically at such a rapid rate and had very little time to do it in. The movie was long enough but there was so much action that there was not enough time for character development. At the end of the movie the characters left pretty much the same way the came. But the visuals were great in some places, others felt a little dated. The story was good and consistent. And the action will keep your attention. Thor is entertaining. It won't take you on a deep emotional roller coaster or make you think. It's just their saying hey look at me I'm pretty to watch. I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes action and or is a fan of Marvel and this giant Avengers collaboration. I give Thor 3 out of 4. It's all leading up to The Avengers. Years of planning and movie making. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Dylan Dog You hit like a vampire

This review is on Dylan Dog starring Brandon Routhe, Anita Briem, and Sam Huntington. Wait who? O.o and Kevin Munroe who also did the newest Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Apparently the director has a thing for rehashing comic books into movies. Well mister director you better leave X-men, Spiderman, or any other marvel superhero movie alone. Even though ninety percent of those movies were crap as well. My childhood is going in the shitter. Oh well this supernatural mystery movie starts with Dylan in his office narrating that he gave up his old life as the line that divided humans from the undead. He kept the peace between all of the species of undead. And when I say all the species I mean all three of them. Sorry I want more. They kept true to the old rules of the zombies, werewolves, and vampires which I appreciated. I also wanted mummies maybe a variation of Frankenstien. But anyways he is now a private eye spying on people and making money off of their misfortune. Then the one case he should have avoided came along where a man was murdered by a werewolf. Then a small sequence of murders makes Dylan change his mind about his carrier choice and immediately becomes the line that divides once more. Come on! It took ten minutes for this character to grow and change. It is suppose to happen through out the span of the movie. And in a sense it did but it was something so minor that had little or nothing to do with the story. Dylan Dog has very little going for it. The acting is stagnant and monotone. The sidekick was funny at first and I liked him but it quickly got annoying. The love interest/daughter of the dead guy killed by the werewolf had little or no character development. In fact love interest? How did they even have time to develop any kind of relationship at all? They always brought her along in the car then had the sidekick take her back to the office because it was to dangerous. Why bring her along at all? And plot holes, plot holes, plot holes. One for example. When Dylan retired from his position why didn't anyone take his place. It seems like an important job. Better yet why was there only one keeper of the peace. The movie does state that the monsters all live in New Orleans but come on its a big world. I give Dylan Dog a 2 out of 4. It wasn't bad but it wasn't cheesy good either.

Scream 4 Better never than late

This review is on Scream 4 with Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette. This "horror" movie was directed by Wes Craven whom was supposedly one of these masters of horror. But as of late not so much. Wes Craven is one of those directors that has films that are either hit or miss. And most of the time he is striking out having very few home runs. And Scream is one of those franchises that had an alright first movie for a Wes Craven picture. But then the next two sequels were a bunch of garbage. Only there to cash in on the name Scream. But now we come to the fourth installment. And I have to be honest I laughed every time I saw the preview and shook my head in disappointment. Really? Scream 4? You have nothing better to do? Oh well the three stars needed to get work some how. The movie starts off making fun of itself by seeing the beginnings of the movies Stab 6 and Stab 7. Which are the films made within the movie. They make fun of the movie by saying how needlessly a franchise spawns sequels to make money. And then after introducing the two opening characters they die right on cue after a phone call from some person who can't handle the stress of modern life. Neve Campbell shows up in her home town where the recent murder takes place which so happens to be the anniversary of her tragic stories. Now she's a suspect and has to stay in town. Blah blah blah. Most of the people who die had no real reason to die. I know its a slasher movie but come on have some kind of direction. And some of the scenes where they die took forever to actually play out. The victims didn't even die creatively. The dialog was terrible though I could not help myself but laugh. The lines they tried to say seriously was hilarious. And this is where I get confused. Was Wes Craven actually a genius in making fun of his film on purpose? If so I would have to applaud him. But in some scenes the movie showed it was taking itself too seriously. So I can't really decide which direction Wes was taking the movie. So I can only give the movie a 1 out of 4. We were the only people in the theater. Some fan base. Hey everybody who all wants to see Scream 4? Get the fuck out of here.

Your Highness "It's my birthday today." "Fuck that."

This review is on Your Highness starring Danny McBride, James Franco, and Natalie Portman. This Fantasy/comedy was directed by David Gordon Green who I have not heard of. There was a lot of hype for this movie for being a medieval comedy. The idea is strange but unique none the less. G4 hyped this movie as well as the amount of advertisements I had seen. Well sadly for me it did not live up to the hype. Don't get me wrong it was funny. Just not as funny as I heard it to be. And seeing Natalie Portman's ass didn't make up for it either. I'm going to take a brief moment and say that this woman has been in almost every movie that has come out what the hell is up with that? All I have been seeing is Natalie Portman this and Natalie Portman that. Have some freakin variety people. She's an accomplished actress, I have every ounce of faith in her to deliver a performance but for god sakes show some boob. Now that I got that off my chest HA! get it? -.- your probably not laughing. Oh well back to the review. The movie starts off with Franco returning triumphant from a quest slaying a mighty cyclops and bringing home a bride played by Zooye Deschanel. Well as mighty as Franco says while carrying the creatures severed head. Being greeted with open arms by the rest of the kingdom in the back stood a jealous McBride. McBrides character is useless and funny with his snidely comments toward his brother. Well more skipping and Franco's wife is kidnapped by Leezar. The brief fight scene was surprisingly cool and funny. Not to get too carried away with the plot but that's pretty much it. A reluctant McBride and an eager high spirited Franco head off on a new quest to save his bride. The fight scenes and the special effects were very well done for a comedy, and I was astonished to see some of the creative magic used. Though this is called a stoner flick and advertised to aim at such an audience it only felt that way during the first thirty or forty minutes of the movie. The language was vulgar which I loved. The humor was very inappropriate which I also loved. The Jokes were very funny but they were hit and miss. And the hits were few and far between for me. The nudity was great, even the minotaur cock had me laughing. Which reminds me. I saw an interview with Danny McBride. Between the writers and director there was an argument on the size of the creatures penis. I guess minotaurs aren't as hung as they were fighting for it to be. I give Your Highness a 2 1/2 out of 4. It was funny but not funny enough for the hype it was given.

Paul, Three tits? Nice.

This review is on Paul starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Seth Rogen. This sci fi/comedy/adventure was directed by Greg Mottola. Going to this movie I had very little expectations for it. Then I thought to myself hey the guys from Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are in it. So it can't be that bad. Well I was in for a shocker, it wasn't bad. Not at all actually some of the scenes were quite funny. And gave me the most insane urge to go to Comic Con, (sigh) a guy can dream. Any who this film starts off with to science fiction geeks from across the pond heading to Comic con on a road trip. After the convention they leave on their trusty RV down to Area 51. Making the tedious stops at the points of "interest" along the way. When they finally run into Paul the laughs really start. I don't want to give anything away but the personality and habits from this alien are hilarious. Seth did a good job making him charismatic but at the same time repugnant. Mia Stallard shows up a little late in the movie. But her role was probably the most difficult to act out but she pulled it off beautifully. She pissed me off, frustrated me, then had me laughing pleading for more. I will be honest these two British guys are on a completely different level of swearing than us. Just some of the potty mouth humor they had got me laughing so hard I had to cover my mouth to muffle the sounds. The laughs though do not really excuse some of the scenes they put in there just to make the movie longer that weren't needed. Other than the redundant the movie was surprisingly good. I give Paul a 3 out of 4. I like potty humor.

Insidious Only an evil eternal may run so deep

This review is on Insidious starring Patrick Wilson, and Rose Byrne. This horror film was directed by James Wan Whom I personally have never heard of. But in the research I did on this film the director wasn't going for a typical monster movie. He genuinely wanted to scare people with suspense and jump scenes mostly. In a sense that's what every horror movie is meant to do, scare you and make you want to sleep with the lights on. Well I think Wan may have been a little more serious about his motives than other directors. Or at least in the beginning. The movie starts off with a happy family moving into their new home when slightly strange things happen. Simple things that can be blamed on small children. You know when stuff is found on the ground and they say their imaginary friend did it. But being the adult you are you know better. HA! Well lets skip ahead a little and the boy goes into a coma one morning. Then things really start to turn south and the job they did with the horror wasn't bad at this point. I was scared I will admit. As I glanced at the screen showing a woman looking through the window of her house at an unfamiliar boy dancing to a vinyl record playing wearing 30's cloths. It was disturbing, in my mind I begged the screen not to go to the next scene but at the same time I had to know what was going to happen. When we reached the point of the story where help had arrived and the cause of the boys coma was revealed it got stupid. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I wanted to shout. And the way to bring him back was even dumber. There was a major flaw in the making of this film. A flaw that only a few directors manage to dodge. Do not show what is scaring your audience. If you cannot put a face on your fear it makes it that much more terrifying. The first half was good, the second half was a fucking joke. Rent it at the redbox. I give Insidious a 2 out of 4. Just remember. Tip toe, through the window, by the window, that's where I'll be. This scene right here scared the crap out of me. Left goosebumps on my arms.

Sucker Punch. They shall scream at us even through demons. Daring us to attack.

This review is on sucker punch with Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, and Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa Hudgens is the only actor I have heard of in this film. But Emily looked very familiar but for the life of me the entire movie I could not place my finger on where I have seen her before. Oh well. This Fantasy movie was directed by Zach Snyder. He also did 300 and Watchmen so the visuals were very beautiful (other than the ladies). The action was extreme, the fighting was intense but there was one draw back. And I had this complaint with 300 and Watchmen as well. The movie was so loud it hurt my ears. I don't think it's the theatre's fault. The sound in his movies play a big part but in my personal opinion I think it was a bit overdone. The movie starts off with Emily or "Baby Doll" losing her family and fighting her stepfather for survival. The police aid him and take her to a mental hospital where she is to be lobotomized. The only way to obtain freedom is with the help of some new friends and the deepest reaches of her mind. The way we were led to the battle scenes in the movie I did not particularly care for. It sort of made them pointless. Sure it was visually gorgeous and entertaining but in the grander scheme of things there was no purpose for them. But I guess that's why I'm where I am and it was on the big screen. The movie is about empowering women and finding camaraderie when it was needed the most. I had several problems with the story. As they ventured into this fantasy state in the beginning it seemed too easy with very little or no consequence doing as they wish. Then the end was overkill with consequence not capable of finding a balance or following a simple story pattern. This was a beautiful movie to watch, it seemed quite like a live action anime. But a story as a whole was lacking and the battles left something to be desired. I give Sucker Punch a 2 out of 4. There was an upside other than the visuals. The soundtrack was stunning mixing very well with the movie. It left me in a trance pulling me into the screen making me apart of the movie. I could not stress enough about how music can either make or break a movie. Music inspires my writing. When George Lucas turned in Star Wars the movie was hated and they told him to take it back and fix it. The only thing he added to the movie was music and now it's the success it is today. If I could rate the movie off of the music it would definitely be a 4.

Battle L.A.. See you down in Arizona Bay

This review is on Battle L.A. with Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez. This Sci Fi movie is based around an alien invasion happening in Los Angeles. Though I heard around me people said at times the movie was slow. I didn't really get that feeling. The movie was nicely paced with several action scenes. Character development was lacking heavily and made it difficult to care about the characters. The film starts out with a staff sergeant (Eckhart) turning in his papers for retirement. When meteors entered our atmosphere and began to slow down upon impact was he called back into service. Finding out the "meteors" were mechanical in nature put everyone on alert. The "meteors" fell on eight or twelve major coasts around the world. I can't recall which. Hordes of these machine aliens or Mechliens was a name I heard amongst the other movie goers. Started walking out of the ocean attacking the population. Every front line is forced back accept for L.A.. They could not lose L.A., it was the last line on the west coast. And then the movie starts. The alien species was very unique. I couldn't tell if I liked them or not. The majority of the body was machine with some flesh that my primitive mind had a hard time wrapping itself around. The aliens weapons were surgically attached to the creatures skin. I apologize for giving some of it away. But I wanted to go into some detail describing these creatures. During the end of the movie I was told I was breathing heavily showing my immersion into the story. The action was there for me. But a complaint I was told was that it was too real for them to enjoy it. Yes this is a very fictional story. But in all honesty with the civilian and children involvement and the likely hood of tactics on the alien side this could be possible. It doesn't mean that I think it will. All in all I enjoyed watching this movie. It took me on a nice little ride and without me knowing it I was pulled into their world for just a moment. I give it a 3 out of 4. My problem was Rodriguez and her stupid ass one liners. But definitely the best alien movie I have seen since District 9.

The Adjustment Bureau. Remember, we tried to reason with you.

This Review is on the Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon and Natalie Carter. This film was one of the better ones I have seen this year. This Sci Fi/Romance story has no real flaws with it. Matt Damon played a very convincing politician. He has my vote at least. This movie is about to people meeting (Damon and Carter) according to plan, their plan. They were never to meet again. But by chance in one single moment in time a slip in the plan occurred and they reunite. Falling in love is not an option, deviating from the plan is not an option. Keeping them apart is the Bureau's plan for reasons I shall not reveal to you (It's not part of the plan). This movie was very imaginative. I liked what thought was put into it. What I didn't like was the whole god complex even though that's the point. The Bureau can do what they want. And with it what happened happens for the reason just because. Who knows maybe I'm complaining about nothing and I have a hard time admitting I enjoyed a movie. I almost felt the same way about it as I did Inception. I give The Adjustment Bureau 3 1/2 out of 4. I didn't give it a 4 because I didn't fully understand why they were forced to be separated but then it was accepted for them to do be together in the past. I don't know. But go see this movie it was a very enjoyable watch.