Black Swan, it's not for everyone

This review is on Black Swan, a film starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. I have been waiting a while to see this movie, when it was released the closest place I was able to see it was in Denver. Amongst the waiting there was very little publicity for this movie, even when I asked around about it not many people had even heard of it. Well today I looked at what was playing and there it was, so I immedeatly jumped at the opportunity to see this movie. This film isn't for everyone, just like the ballet. Well this movie is about a ballet dancer named Nina (Natalie Portman)and the struggle within herself. Like the role she is handed there are two parts to Nina, there is the good pure angel whom is uptight and unsure of herself. And then there is the dark twisted seductress. And let me tell you this movie is dark. Natalie Portman did an excellent job with her character, from beginning to end you can see the struggle and slowly giving way to the darkness that was building within. Mila Kunis was also amazing, its kinda hard to tell that she was the same chick who played in That 70's show. Her acting has matured quite a bit, her nomination for an academy award was well deserved as was everyone else. Black Swan is not getting the attention it deserves, I would not recommend taking children to this movie. But go into it with an open mind and indulge yourself into the world of this twisted story. The only thing I didn't care for was how grainy the film was, but I assume it was meant to be shot in that manner. Again this is all just my opinion don't let it persuade you in any way shape or form. I give it a 4 out of 4. The guy in me says to give it a 3 1/2 because there was no nudity but that wouldn't be very professional of me would it? The more I think about it the more I like this movie just for the sheer fact that I like movies that make you go "What the F**K was that?" I embrace the bizarre and movies that like to go out on a limb and try change. ...now that I think about it this might be the first 4 I have given...hmmmmm.

Tron, a legacy lasting a few moments.

This review on Tron isn't going to be a friendly one. Simply due to the fact that a group of fat chicks a gay guys, all very loud and obnoxious kinda ruined the whole experience for me. I don't have a problem with either its just they were very rude and made it very difficult to concentrate on the movie other than committing a hate crime. Anywho Tron...I looked forward to this movie, everyday it drew closer the more excited I got. I spent days thinking about this movie, and even longer trying to find the original Tron to watch before we went and saw the new one. Alas it fell short for me. The beginning went by so fast, I wanted more back story on why the son wanted to do the things he did to his inheritance. All I saw was a pissed off guy upset because mommy and daddy weren't there. The movie simply starts off with the son wanting to sabotage his fathers company, and a little back story from the first movie. I don' know it just wasn't enough for me I wanted more. The battles, oh the battles. The fight scenes on the vehicles were nothing short of exciting. I gripped the armrest tightly with excitement as each action packed moment went by. But that's all it was was a moment...the battles were few and far between. The rest...well lets just say the in between was less than thrilling. I have never had issues staying up at a midnight showing, but the dialogue was putting me to sleep literally as well as everything in between the fights. But the strange thing was is that I was the only one who felt this way so maybe it was just me and how irritated I was. But during the middle of the movie I did everything I could to stay awake and I managed to do so. The movie did very little for me, the acting was ok, the effects were great but you can not base a movie on visual effects alone. At the end of the movie I was almost kind of relieved I'm sorry to say. But to hear around me the other viewers were insulting the original kind of pissed me off. Just because a movie is dated does not mean it's a bad movie! I give Tron legacy a 2 out of 4. For the fans of the original its worth a watch. Mind you I give it a 2 just for the battles, I could have done much worse. And again maybe it was just me and the time I had at the theater was nothing short of wanting to rip out my fingernails and wanting to shove them into the eyes of the people behind me. But all in all I did enjoy the previews, Pirates of the Caribbean 4 and Transformers 3 could be good.

Tangled, The last of its kind

This review is on the movie Tangled. Rumor has it that Tangled will be the last princess movie Disney does. Why I'm not entirely sure, I assume they want to focus on more 3D movies and other live action adventures...that and they are out of ideas. We all know the story of Rapunzel I don't think I need to get into too much detail (not that I do any way.)The tale starts out with a single drop of sunlight hitting the earth turning into a flower. An old lady finds it and sings a nifty tune and the lady gets renewed youth. So for hundreds of years she goes back to the flower and sings and grows young again. One day the pregnant queen gets sick and is going to die unless a "miracle" happens. So she's brought back the flower that grants healing to its users. She drinks the flower and baby becomes the flower blah blah blah. This story is like all the rest of the princess movies, boy meets girl they fall in love, love is taken from them by "evil" then fall back into love. We have heard it a dozen times, so that's why I'm sure they are going to stop making these movies. Oh and can not forget the witty sidekicks, a chameleon named Pascal...a chameleon -.-. And of course, the horse whom apparently is related to Pegasus from Hercules because they act like the same damn thing. But none the less the witty sidekicks made me laugh, they were quite entertaining. And last but not least the music, I figured there would be song and dance routines inside this movie. And yes they sounded the same as the last Disney movie with music in it...doesn't mean it didn't bore me any less. But all and all this wasn't a bad movie, it wasn't I complained just know but the good out weighs the bad in this movie. I give Tangled 3 out of 4. Enjoy it people given Disney is true to its word this will be the last one you will see.

Harry Potter and the deathly hallows...I've mastered, five magicks

This review is on Harry Potter and the deathly hallows. In being a fan of the books and movie franchise I know as I am sure many of you know as well what is supposed to happen. But it has been so long since I read the last book that I didn't remember some of the stuff in the movie. Which led me to believe that the director changed the story...but unlikely and my memory is becoming shit in my old age. The movie starts off with Harry saying good bye to his adopted family. The same with the other two main characters, then the action picks up immediately. The first few minutes were fast paced and exciting, good enough to get you to grab onto the armrest and hold on for the ride. But then hits a snails pace and drags on. I know its how it is supposed to go and is very necessary for the story. The conflicts and constant shifting of emotions were acted out well by the three actors. Possibly there best work to date. The setting of the movie is very dark, the mood is dark, even the lighting during the day is dark. And it fit the theme of the story very nicely, I thought I would get tired of the constant gloom but actually was quite appropriate. Even though they didn't get as far as I would have liked I still very much enjoyed the movie. As gritty as the settings were the comedy that was few and far between was a hit every time lighting the mood just enough to carry into the next scene. I give Harry Potter a 3 1/2 out of 4. The main characters aren't quite there with their acting abilities. But close enough to make this the best Harry Potter movie to date in my opinion. The only thing that bugged me was the audience. They were complaining about having to wait until July to find out what happens. Pick up the damn book! Are they so sloth like that they are too lazy to read? Give me a fucking break!

Skyline. Don't look up...at the screen.

This review is on Skyline, and I actually feel obligated to write this review to give warning to all who read this. Skyline was so bad, so bad...after the movie ended it was like dropping an extremely heavy couch after climbing twenty flights of stairs with it. The relief of it ending was a god send in itself. Where do I begin? The movie starts off with this couple. The actors I don't really recognize, I think one of them was on Haven which is on the Sci Fi channel. They go to L.A. to meet their rich friend who is the actor from scrubs, I think he was in Clueless as well I don't know his name either. But I don't think anyone cares either. Any who. they go to L.A. and "party it up" then BOOM bright lights and everyone is going towards them. Did no one pay attention when your told NOT to go towards the light? Let alone a strange light that came from the sky? For fuck sakes people have some common sense! Well the main character looks at the light being captivated and gets pulled away which gives him "Powers" ...really? You don't see it until the end. But aliens invade, big surprise. The mother ships looked original in a sense that they didn't look like one of the droid vehicles from Starwars episode II. And the floating drones weren't knockoffs of the aliens from Independence day or the other floating drones from the Matrix. There was very little originality in this movie, and the bad acting didn't help anything either. I have so many complaints I don't want to name them all and I already feel like I'm nitpicking. But the icing on the cake was that they didn't even bother to end it. They probably just thought "Eh this is good enough we already know this is going to be bad who gives a shit." Show some form dignity. Skyline gets a 1 out of 4. With the money they spent making this they could have made an Independence day 2 and as bad as it would have been it would have been better than Skyline.

The Human Centipede, lots of ATM

This DvD review is of The Human Centipede. I really only have a few words for it. This movie was F!@#$d up! But in all seriousness it was one of the better B-rated movies I have seen in a while. I have never heard of any of the actors before. But the acting wasn't bad, but then there wasn't much to the parts they had to play either. Movie starts off with two chicks driving through Europe get a flat tire in the woods and just so happen to walk to the only mad scientists house that lives in the neighborhood. Go figure...typical stupid Americans. I'm not gonna say much more about the plot, the title speaks for itself. I give it a 2 out of 4. If you love cheesy B-rated horror flicks check it out its definitely worth a rent. ...left a funny taste in my mouth though.

Easy A ...Dirty minds may think this misleading

This review is on Easy A. Before seeing this movie I had heard from a veriaty of sources that this was a good movie. Well...eh ok they were right this was a very funny movie. Emma stone plays kind of a quirky outcast in school who just wants to be noticed. In getting said popularity she pretends to sleep with numerious males for gift cards. Gift cards O.o ...right. Well upon recieving a fifty dollar gift card from said gentleman caller she shall either take them to a party or some kind of gathering and "have sex with them". Amanda Bynes whom should really stop playing highschool roles. I mean really your in your mid twentys if you can't get better roles or even be a comedian then stop, just stop. But back to Amanda Bynes plays this hyper religous girl that belongs to every club in school and has every intent on shoving her religion down everyones throats. My first thought was Mormon, but I was mistaken. I digress, her intent is to try and get Emma to see the wrong in her doings by ridiculing and publicly humiliating her. She was just shy of gathering a lynch mob I'd think. Oh well it all goes down hill when teachers get involved but I wont go into details. This movie was sidesplitting at some points, Emma did a very good job playing her role. I give it a 3 out of 4 I hope to see more promising work from her in the future.

Devil, going up please.

So this review is on Devil, directed by M. Night Shyamalan, but to save my fingers I shall just refer to him as M. Knight, or maybe just Knight? @.0...Anywho the movie Devil was...well kinda predictable, in some cases don't get me wrong it wasn't a bad movie in any sense. And for the most part it kept you guessing and on your toes, which is what the movie desperatly needed because the scary factor just wasn't there. And who knows maybe the aim wasn't met for scary rather than suspense. I did quite enjoy the slowly getting to know the people that were trapped in the elevator, and devulging their dark little secrets. There were a few parts that bugged me, I wont reveal anything for those who havn't seen it, and if you have you may know what I'm talking about. The thing that dissapointed me in this movie is that there was no twist! O.o What the hell Knight? I know your last few movies with "twists" were complete garbage but come on. I should have been releaved but the matter of fact was I was let down, I expected it, its his trademark, and the jerk did not deliver. ...Oh well it is definatly worth a one timer, would I buy it? Only if I had a real desperate need to increase the size of my movie collection. which I dont. I give it a 2 out of 4. Nice try M. M... M? What does M even stand for? >.< Try making Signs two or something...

The other guys, yeah that sounds about right

This review is on The Other Guys, with Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. Though they are quite mismatched the duo wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. This movie was very funny, I think Wahlberg was trying a little too hard with the comedy but other then that it was hysterical. The beginning of the movie had to have been my favorite part, I could not help but laugh out loud, Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson and Sam Jackson were hilarious in the few minutes that they were in this movie. And my hat is off to the two of them, they made that movie for me, hell I wish the movie was about them. Though they were stupid I feel confident when I quote "There goes my hero, watch him as he goes." LOL n.n god that was funny. To me at least, that song was placed perfectly in its scene. The relationship between Will and Mark's characters kinda felt like an abusive husband and his abused wife, whom later comes out of her shell slowly. There was and wasn't chemistry between the two, I just didn't feel it. And there were some plot holes that I'm sure no one cares about because they were their for the laughs not the story. But analyzing the plot is kinda my thing, there for I must! The plot starts out with a jewelry store being robbed to avert the attention off of a bigger crime, an investor with plenty of clientele with him losses billions of dollars and tries to recover the money by taking it from another source. Yeah the plot is all well in good but it kind of lost my interest and I just wanted more jokes. I give this movie 2 1/2 out of 4 it's basically a long joke with a mediocre punchline.

Inception, the stuff dreams are made of

This review is on Inception, words cannot express the greatness that I saw in this movie. Christopher Nolan has done it again, creating the masterpiece that is Inception. This movie is full of twist and turns, that delves deep into the recessions of the mind having you think and still enjoy the movie. Inception is very complex giving layers upon layers of detail but allows you to easily follow. This movie reminds me of a 3D puzzle, when upon finishing the puzzle your actually starting to build a second layer of puzzle forming another picture, then adding other layers forming different pictures until it is complete showing the grand architecture of the puzzle. I had in the past made fun of "DeCrapio", in all honesty he is not a bad actor. The movies that he has starred in have been some of the greats in the past. Inception is no exception to the list of good movies that he has been in. Leonardo DeCaprio, playing roles like this, and showing how polished his acting skills are. He is definitely shaping up to be one of the greater actors of our time. Ellen Page has come a long way since Juno (which wasn't long ago) A movie of this magnitude, and the great work that she did will be key in landing her in bigger roles. Joseph Gordon Levitt, who I have not scene much of recently was absolutely remarkable. He played his role as if he had been acting with this level of skill his entire career. So it is safe to say that the acting was more than just spot on, there is little praise that I can give that could show the quality of the acting that I had witnessed. This movie can potentially be a large stepping stone for these two actors to further their careers. Inceptions plot line is simple but highly complex (if that makes any sense...) Leo and his team do certain jobs of invading peoples dreams and steal ideas from them. The world that is created by the architect of the dream is so real and life like that the person who is dreaming would never know they were asleep. But I don't want to give anything away, there is little that I can say that can explain without giving much away. The first ten minutes of the movie sinks you right into the world and throws your head for a loop. But is easily caught onto and even easier to follow. But this tool that Leo uses is not limited to just them, from what I caught onto anyone can use it which would be a scary and dangerous thought. Upon leaving the theatre I heard people say that they didn't like it, these people I would come to think had very little or lack of imagination. They need everything to be drawn out in crayon and numbered, they are to simple to think deeper about a story's meaning. Or even allow their minds to think for themselves and decide what to believe. People like that piss me off for their lack of vision. While still leaving the theatre I admit my eyes became slightly watery for the joy that I had felt for seeing this movie. It has been a long time coming where I can consider another movie to be added to my list of "Greats" and I will gladly clear a spot on my shelf for this movie. I have scene so much garbage to finally find the treasure that I had been looking for. I give this movie a 5 out of 4 I found my unicorn, it didn't take as long as I thought it would, but I found it. I encourage everyone to see this movie and open your mind to the endless possibility's that it possesses. Remember, the only thing that limits you is the vastness of your imagination.

Predators, what the hell is with this rule of three?

This review is on Predators, and let me get back to this rule of three. What the hell is with there being three predators in these newer movies? I will warn you now, the previews are a lie, and one of the scenes are very misleading. When Adrian Brody is standing amidst a bunch of rocks at night and all of these predator red dot sights cover his body makes it look like there are several predators. ...Well that scene never occurred, and only three predators made there presence known in the movie with a fourth in the wings. What I did like and thought was innovative, the director Rodriguez took initiative in creating separate factions of the predators. The smaller ones which are the predators that we all know and love, then there are the bigger ones that are the main hunters in the movie. Though this move was unfamiliar a change and some back story was welcome, and allowing us to know that these two factions were at war...or at conflict with one another. The story starts off with Brody free falling through the air onto the alien planet. Not really a sound opening to a movie but it has significance during the rest of the film. The plot of the film is very simple, stay alive and kill them all. I am a fan of this franchise, I truly am, I collected the alien versus predator comics, I had the predator toys when I was a kid. I loved the original movies, the AVP films were terrible, and in this movie I sought after redemption. I didn't get all I wanted but enough to satisfy me until something better comes along. I give this movie 2 out of 4. I don't know what could bring this or the Aliens franchise's back from the brink. But this movie was a good start.

Dispicable Me, its so fluffy I'm gonna die!

This review is on Despicable Me, with no real surprise I really enjoyed this movie. It was funny, very well voiced, the jokes were quite funny. Though I may have thought more things were funny than most people in the theatre. But I was told and sort of agree that the best parts were shown in the previews, which is kind of disappointing. The movie should be consistent with the jokes and not have to rely on a few good ones. The story starts off with a man named Gru, a super villain...well a has been who has been out shined by a younger villain. The ultimate goal is to steal the moon, but in order to get the moon he must obtain a shrink ray. This is where the main plot of the story takes place trying to get a hold of this weapon, thus forcing Gru to jump through hoops to get it. Steve Carell did a very good job voicing Gru, it didn't even really sound like him. This movie showed the value of family, and the bonds of love that can melt an icy heart. There wasn't much wrong with this movie other than the lack of jokes. Although I do admit that my favorite characters were the little yellow minions. They were so funny they could get there own short film. This movie gets 3 1/2 out of 4 Not good enough to be great.

The Last Airbender, not for the die hards

This review is on The Last Airbender, and first I'm going to make something very clear to everyone. I have never seen the show, this review is not a comparison between the movie and the show or trying to make some kind of relation between the two. This review is solely based on what I saw in the theatre, and let me tell you this is one of those rare cases where I agree with the news paper review of the movie. This is one of those movies where I could have easily spent a good five hours watching without break. There is so much going on in this movie that it can not be told within a mere two hours. Second, there needs to be a map at the beginning of the movie, I was a little confused at all the locations that were shown. The story starts off with the Fire nation waging a war after the Avatar had gone missing a hundred years prior to the main story line. Finding out that they don't agree with the spirits in their world that guide them. When the Avatar is awakened by two unlikely kids in the water nation a bright light flashes alerting the banished prince of the fire nation. From there when everyone finds out that he is the Avatar kind of acting like a "Jesus" in that world, and that he is the last airbender everyone is after them. The trio, the two water kids and Un (the last airbender) make a trip north going from village to village. Each of them extremely small which the fire nation had taken over, which makes me think that the fire nation are bullies rather than war mongers. The children playing the onslaught of main/sidekick characters didn't do too bad of a job acting...for rookies, better than the Twilight fags. Plenty of fine tuning is in order for the next couple of movies. The visuals were absolutely gorgeous, none of it was real, but the imagination was easily taken away by them. Striping away the arguments about the comparisons of the show, and people not liking M Night Shamalon. I found myself enjoying this movie though it had plenty of flaws. Though my biggest complaint is how the movie ended, which I have heard continuously, it ends abruptly leaving plenty of questions unanswered. And at the pace this movie was going it will take at most 3-4 more sequels to end...unless they drastically speed things up, but that's my assumption. I wouldn't mind seeing another Airbender but there is too much story to cover, and with the children aging so fast it would be impossible to do within such a short time. The 3D was and wasn't there, it was very hit and miss, and to have the movie only showing in 3D in most area's is kind of low. Trying to force people to pay more for a movie is a very low trick indeed, a movie shouldn't have to rely on underhanded tactics and trust in its ability to entertain the masses. I give it a 3 out of 4 plenty of polish will do his movie good to make it a true gem.

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, all that glitters is stupid

This review is a unique one, I went to a marathon (unwillingly) of all three twilight movies at the theatre. And I shall take a little time to dig once again and get a little personal with all of you. To put it simply I have seen this story before, I have reenacted this story long before it ever became famous. There was this girl That I worked with not too long ago, 3-4 years ago I think. Pale, light brown hair, gothic, nice but slightly dark. She had a boyfriend who she had been seeing years before I had even met her. But spent everyday together and eventually she said she loved me...how much she would never admit to me but said she only made time for her boyfriend and myself (which was probably a lie.) But none the less it was a struggle for her attention that ultimately ended up in heartbreak for myself. I have seen this story before and in the end its kinda lame. I have never reviewed any of these movies so here goes nothing. Twilight is a story of a stupid girl whom develops a taste for the dead and tormenting and using the beast that obsesses over her. Kristin Stewart (Bella) is one of the worst actresses I have ever seen, its actually up in the air between her and Megan Fox. But every line that came out of her mouth proved how bad she was. Robert Pattinson wasn't that much better. I spent quite a large portion of the scenes Robert and Kristin shared laughing. Twilight starts off with a girl moving to a town that I'm sure has no shortage of...Forks n.n She sees one of the gayest looking guys I have ever seen and this childish love hate, obsess and neglect relationship starts. No real plot that I could make out until other vampires show up and for some reason wont stop for anything to suck her blood. Which the plot was quite easily resolved, and there was just no real purpose for it. The struggle developing a relationship between a human and vampire would have been plot enough. I give it 1 1/2 out of 4 this movie required different actors.
New Moon is a slight improvement to its predecessor, and I mean SLIGHT, the only reason I liked it better was that Robert Pattinson was in the movie for maybe ten to twenty minutes (Thank God). Taylor Lautner is by far the superior actor to his other costars, and other then the fact that everyone cheered when he took off his shirt, I just enjoyed his character better then the for mentioned (Edward). Maybe for reasons that I felt I could connect better with him then the tall vampire that looks like he stuck a fork in a wall outlet or something. New Moon start with Bella, whom still had terrible acting, having a birthday party at the Cullins house. Edwards vampire family throw a party for her and Bella cuts her finger on the wrapping paper and everything goes to hell. The vamp family has to leave Forks and Edward breaks it off with Bella which turns her into an emo then dilusional adrenalin junky that has night terrors and screams in her sleep. Which I found myself laughing even harder with each night terror scene. So she goes and runs to Jacob (Taylor Lautner) and uses him to make the pain of her loss go away, but never truly gives herself to him. Again no real plot until the end of the movie after Jacob becomes a wolf and Bella runs off to Spain to save Edward from doing all of us a favor and ending this saga quickly. I give this movie 2 out of 4 just for the sheer reason that Lautner is better than Pattinson. (Go team Jacob)
Eclipse is where the actors have started to show that they have gotten their roles down. There were noticeable improvements in the actors abilities...with the exception of Pattinison, whom still sucked horribly. I did enjoy seeing the two males in this movie argue over her, it was quite humorous. And to hear about the history of the wolves was somewhat interesting, and to find that much detail in a story that is some womans wet dream of making two guys suffer over her and manage to claim them both. I really can't find much joy in watching these movies for it is quite degrading to men. Eclipse starts off with Bella and Edward talking about marriage and her turning into a vamp. Veronica a vampire from the first movie and makes a brief appearance in the second, goes after Bella because the Cullins killed her mate. Raises an army of "New Borns" which are vamps who are first bitten, to go after them for vengeance. Nothing very exciting about this movie, I was told there was humor to it and the audience did laugh...except for me. I laughed at more inappropriate moments. And at movies end I hear in the audience behind me "They definatly left it open for a fourth." No kidding...its a four part saga the last book/movie is called Breaking Dawn. I hate this crap and I even knew that... I give this movie 2 1/2 out of 4 the acting was better, but the story is still lame. If these vampires didn't "glisten" and all look like they prefer sexual encounters with others of the male species then this saga could actually be good. Oh and also better actors.

Knight and Day, I was happily annoyed

This review is on Knight and Day, coming into this movie I felt right off the bat I was going to hate it and be disappointed. Well I was both wrong and right, there were parts that were somewhat enjoyable and others...well not so much. Tom Cruise for once didn't creep me out...OK well he did but I liked it and you can call me weird all you want but I enjoyed his performance. And there's Cameron Diaz -.- this chick annoyed me, and actors are suppose to look young, she looked about 50 and I wasn't the only one who noticed. There were other things that I noticed about her but I was told to keep this "Clean" so out of the respect for the person who made the request I shall make it so. So when Cameron is in a bikini you see something sagging and its not her tits...I'll let you figure it out. But other than the physical complaints about her, the acting from Cameron just wasn't there for me, the best part of the movie was when she was drugged. The plot starts off when man bumps into woman in an airport, then bumps into her again. They sit next to each other on the flight and sparks immediately fly, romance is in the air and both are conscious of it. The woman excuses herself to the restroom then all hell breaks loose when the entire populous of the plane tries to assassinate Cruise. In a sense everyone is killed that isn't Cruise or Diaz (including pilots) O.O When she emerges from the facilities everyone is sitting upright in their seats and the two main characters share a drink before the need arises to land the plane. Cruise is an agent/ex agent protecting sensitive materials while trying to chase around and protect his air headed soon to be sidekick (Diaz). All in all its worth a rent at the redbox, its innocent fun, maybe a first date kinda movie. Couple laughs with some humorous action provided by Mr. Cruise. The plot twists and shifts quite smoothly gliding me into illusions the characters provide to cloud the plot. I'm giving it a 2 out of 4. Replace Cameron Diaz, she was the only bad thing about the movie.

Killers, psycho killers ques que cest fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better...no, no its worse.

This review is on Killers with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigle I think thats her name. This movie was boring, barely capable of holding my attention. Ashton is by no means funny and Heigle seems kind of like a bitch. It seemed that they tried so hard to be funny, and in one or two rare occasions I cracked smile but they were few and far between. I think the three other people that were in the theatre with us were asleep. Not that I blame them, the only reason I stayed awake was for an accurate review. The plot and finish were highly predictable, the "action" was laughable. I'm not even going to bother telling you the beginning or the plot, its not worth my time or yours. Just don't go see this movie. Ladies if you really want to see it I suggest waiting for the redbox because that's all its worth. I give it 1 out of 4 Later y'all I'm gonna go see Karate Kid again.

Karate Kid, better than the original. Way better!

This review is on The Karate Kid, I shall tell you all a little bit about my childhood. When I was two years old I'm told I learned how to use a VCR, and when I discovered the original Karate Kid I played the movie, rewound it when it was finished and watched it again, and again and again. I watched this movie countless times, thus spawning my desire for martial arts, even to this day I still yearn for the knowledge that these masters of this art hold. But enough of that, I re watched the original before seeing the new one and it was quite silly, Ralph Matchio (or how ever you spell it) O.o was kind of hysterical. Pat Morreta is still badass though. This new version was so much better, named improperly should be the Kung Fu Kid...not the same ring to it. But this movie was good, I'm quite surprised to say, I was very skeptical when going to see it. Jayden smith did a very good job acting and doing all of his own stunts so I can only assume that he had to learn some Kung Fu which is impressive in itself. The movie starts with Jayden and his single mom leaving the states for china because of a job transfer. and within the first ten minutes you get your first racial profiling which was quite humorous. The plot starts almost immediately when boy meets girl and a connection was immediately seen in each others eyes. Jealous boy and friends come and kick the shit out of Jayden for speaking to her. So Jayden is running scared for most of the movie avoiding the bullies at all costs. Until Jackie Chan comes to the rescue. If you watched the original you will see the story stays true to the original. With one exception, the Kung Fu looked authentic, I loved every fight scene and the training. I give this movie 3 1/2 out of 4 The acting could still have been a little smoother.

Toy Story 3, everything I expected

This review is on Toy Story 3. This movie is close to perfect if it wasn't so drawn out, but even the drawn out parts were still enjoyable. This movie has re casted all of the original voices, and I personally don't see how they could have made it without them. Woody and the rest of the toys start this movie stuck in a trunk because Andy has grown up and find themselves wanting playtime. Thus starting this semi epic adventure, testing the groups ability to trust each other and stick together. Through threats of separation nothing could break this group apart, allowing the group to see the love for their owner that was once lost. This movie touched the heart, so many dramatic events occurred leaving yourself clenching your armrests. All of the loose ends were tied up leaving no plot holes, and even references to the first two films were made. And if you look hard enough you will see the pizza planet truck. I cant wait to buy this movie, this was a great ending to a great trilogy, please do not ruin it with a fourth. I give this movie 4 out of 4 almost perfect, but gets a perfect score.

The A-Team, there really is no plan B

This review is on The A-Team, I can rarely say this but I was entertained (not bored) through out the entire movie. I have a hard time believing that I wanted more and more of the over the top, impossible action that I had witnessed. But don't get me wrong there were a few drawbacks such as Mr. T not making a cameo, which I highly expected and was disappointed. Another was that Hannibal was right when he said he was unbeatable, which was true and made the story lack any sort of suspense it may have been trying to build. But the comedy over shadowed most of the movies flaws, even though it seemed that they were trying too hard to have fun when making this movie. The plot starts out with four random rangers in Mexico having nothing to do with each other coincidentally bump into each other through a manner of events. Master Qui-gon-jin says in the movie that there is no such thing as coincedence...again...how abut a little diversity -.- Any who these four random men meet in a random location and just so happens creates the worlds most feared and elite military team. Well given the unlikely hood of this Alpha (ahem) A-Team excuse me, seems quite far fetched. But realism shouldn't be a factor if there is any concern for it, if the same cast returns I would be happy to see a sequel, needed or not. I would like to see this movie again, and I'd probably buy it. 3 out of 4.

Brothers, a worst case scenario

This DVD review is on Brothers with Tobey McGuire, and Jake Gyllenhall. This movie was decent, I was never bored even though the movie carried on without it ever really going anywhere. Lots of drama in this flick as it starts out with Tobey getting ready to ship out to Iraq or where ever just as Jake gets released from prison. This movie was quite linear and never strayed from the beaten path that movies have done before. Tobey is MIA, Jake spends time with his brothers family slowly stepping in as a new father figure. I wont say much more about it because I was still slightly off put by who was the "crazy one" but only for a few moments. And this role was not meant for Tobey, he cannot act the way he was required to, he tried but not hard enough. I would say stick with Spiderman, but you know what, he should stop doing that too. I think the only reason Tobey was in this movie is because he has a slight resemblance to Jake. Nothing new in this movie, I did like it, but could have been better, I expected more from this movie. 2 1/2 out of 4.

The Road, could you...If it came to it?

This DVD review is on The Road. This movie has by far been the most suspenseful and dramatic movie I have seen in quite a while. Long and drawn out, but dramatic, and I have never seen such a bond between two characters acted out so well. ...This movie reminds me of a jawbreaker, its hard to get through but its sweet the entire time. And if I may it was somewhat of a tear jerker, the fiancee cried a couple of times. The only thing I didn't appreciate was the holes in the story. I wanted to know how the world became a post apocalyptic wasteland. I wanted to know why the mother, whom was played by Charlize Theron, was such a bitch, and if I may a little gutless. But I really liked that it actually showed them scavenging for what food that was left, giving the well done illusion they were in this real situation, gradually fatiguing more and more as they starved. The plot is a father and son heading south down the eastern part of the United states going from New York, to Florida, because they would not survive another winter. While dodging wandering raiders and groups of cannibals, with every situation the father has to struggle with the horrible thought that he cannot fend them off. Then must decide if he should end his own sons life so he does not have to endure the horrors these men may bestow upon them. Some spots in the movie were quite heart wrenching from these situations. I will more then likely buy this movie. 3 out of 4.

Get him to the Greek, prepare to get mind F****d

So this review is on Get him to the Greek, a comedy with Jonah Hill, some comedian that I have seen once or twice, and P Diddy. And I will come out and say it, P Diddy was the funniest of the three. He's not even a comedian but his jokes were definitely the best, this "rapper" picked up where the other two were slacking. And they slacked a lot, and when I say a lot I mean a loooooooooooottttttttttttttttttt! And in most parts I found myself slightly bored, the movie was barely interesting enough to keep my attention. Two things saved this movie, P Diddy, and tits, yeah I said tits, without them the movie may as well not have been made. And I have a hard time saying this because Jonah Hill can be very funny...when he tries. The other comedian I don't really care to know his name, didn't stick out at all and kinda came off as a moron. So the plot consists of a record company going under and Jonah is appointed to save it by recruiting a washed up rocker to do an anniversary/comeback concert. The rocker lost his fame from putting out a song and record and I quote from the movie "more controversial and insulting to Africa then the Rodney King beating."0.0 ...must have been a bad song. During the the comedian singing I found myself imagining that taking tooth picks and jabbing them into my eardrum with a hammer was more appealing then listening to this jackass sing. All and all it was an average movie, worth a dollar rental, the jokes that I did like I laughed quite hard and was hoping for more. 2 out of 4. KEEP STROKING THE FURRY WALL! LOL that was definitely the best part.

Prince of Persia, a diamond in the rough

This review was on Prince of Persia, I have to be quite honest, I was very surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. Its only true flaws is that the plot was more obvious then finding out that Boondock Saints 2 was absolutely dreadful within the first five minutes. And that Jake Gyllenhall (or how ever you spell his name) is uglier than roadkill thats been shat on and I had to stare at his ugly mug for an hour and forty minutes. But none the less he did a very good job playing the Prince Destand...hmmmm sounds a lot like destiny to me -.- So the plot starts out with Prince Destand being adopted by a king as an orphan due to some unlikely act of kindness from a person in the position of power. Destand and his brothers invade a holy kingdom that was forbiden to them some years later and thats how the beginning of the movie begins. I'm sketchy on saying more because I dont want to give anything away. But the actors did a very good job convincing me of their rolls. The action was very entertaining and consistant, again I felt as if I was on a roller coaster, but I wasn't quickly being pulled from scene to scene. No this rollercoaster made sure I got the maximum amount of entertainment out of it and took its time. This by no means was a serious movie at all, this movie seemed like it was made to entertain the people... for once. I wouldnt mind seeing Jake reprise his role but a sequel isnt needed. Prince of Persia is definatly the best video game movie that has been made thus far. Its definatly worth a watch, hell I may even buy it when it comes out. I give it a 3 out of 4. I wonder if Jake is actually a monkey? O.o

Perfume, its definatly unique

This is a small Dvd review of the movie Perfume, and I can honestly say it definatly stands out. I thought this movie was quite creative, and has an extensive and intersting back story. But thats where it kills itself, the begining was long and took a little while to get in to. And also this movie wasnt quite what I thought it was. For some reason I had it in my head that it was a present day movie but no it was not. Perfume was set in or around the seventeenth century era, I assume, dont quote me on it though I'm no history buff...So any guess is as good as mine. Any who -.- the main plot in this movie is a boy born with an acute sense of smell and can basically identify the scents of anything he comes across. He gets a job as a perfumists apprentice and makes new and astounding perfumes. So the boy is taught how to preserve scents by the perfumist and other tutors in his travels. His ultimate goal is to preserve the essense of females that he comes across. He kills the chicks and finds a way to preserve there scents, kinda weird and stalkerish I know 0.@ but creative plot none the less. Minus the slowness of this movie I did enjoy its orignialty, the creativity that goes into some of these unknown movies is refreshing and gives me a nice break from the insane mediocrity that some of these films are...SHREK!!! Not to mention any names. 3 out of 4

Shrek forever after, more of the same

So this review is on Shrek forever after, and this movie is more of the same. It wasn't good, it wasn't bad, it was Shrek. Same plot line as the others, far far away is in trouble, Shrek has to save the land while in the mean time learning a lesson about the bonds of friendship and family. Again nothing fucking new! And don't get me wrong the humor was there, I laughed when I should have, touched when I should have been. But the general plot is the same, you people are paid millions to just come up with ideas for movies. Why can't you come up with anything original? My fiance paid for the movie but each ticket was fourteen dollars, fourteen dollars! You people have to be fucking out of your god damn minds to think that any of this shit you keep putting out is worth the price that we have to pay to see it. You are wasting our time and your own, STOP PRODUCING THIS CRAP!!! It infuriates me, I'm trying to be a writer and to see unoriginal bullshit like this make it to the big screen is insane to me! ...I feel better so here's the plot line, Shrek has a perfect life and hates it. He sells it to rumplestilskin (I think that's how you spell his name 0.o) and far far away becomes the little homosexual midget elf's kingdom. Shrek wakes up in an alternate land and no one recognizes him, which didn't last very long at all... Shrek fights for land and gets it back through "True Loves Kiss" what else right? Then everything is back to normal La De Fucking Da. Sorry people this movie is very very very mediocre. And quite frankly I don't care, I don't fucking care anymore about Shrek, quit making movies about it, you say you are done but deep down I don't think you are. Stick with Christmas specials that's what your good at. Come on people I'm still waiting! ENTERTAIN ME!!! 2 out of 4

The lovely bones...Really? Really? Oh my god!

So here is the review for The Lovely bones, I did this review as a request for reasons I don't care to know or to try and explain. This movie in short is SHIT!!!!! On top of the silly ass plot line it also pissed me off to high heaven. If someone killed my daughter and I managed to get a hold of him/her I wouldn't just give up. My friends and family would never see me again because I would be in jail for the shit I would do to that person. And that is what the father basically does, and it just pissed me off so much I wanted to turn off the movie. But alas I continued...So the main plot goes, girl has perfect life, girl is murdered, family is distraught, girl gets lost in limbo. life goes on with out her, killer gets itch and goes after younger sister of said girl. Younger sister is the only one who has balls enough to do anything, she breaks in the killers house and steals evidence to prove the murder. Killer gets away, life goes on, girl moves on...the killer falls off a cliff trying to get another girl and dies. He Fucking falls off a cliff! What the fuck! How does it even end this way, what kind of villain dies do to bad karma? All in all its sad in general, pissed me off, too long, and just completely terrible. Don't watch this movie its garbage. 1/2 out of 4

P.S. Shawn you suck dude. Way to put me through something as terrible as this. I want my two hour back!

Robin Hood, bring a book

Oh god here we go, so here's Robin Hood, or Robin Longstride, or Robert Loxely...O.o ah for shits sake pick one. So the beginning of this movie was long, and when i mean long i mean loooooooooooonnnnnnngggggg. But the longyness of this movie was quite necessary and tied the story together quite nicely. But I fear this movie may have suffered from "King Kong" syndrome, where it may have been too long for its own good. They could have cut a good half an hour out of the movie and it would still have been just as good. But that set aside the characters were convincing and the acting was superb. The king made me want to kick him in the eye because he was such an annoying little cock. It was also very refreshing to see the damsel not in distress, no basic D.I.D's here. Marian would kick you in the balls if she thought you were looking at her funny. As I'm sure everyone knows that this story takes place before Robins cleptomania sets in...or was it Robert o.O anyway this dude with identity issues is a soldier on the last legs the kings crusade. Then is forced into a family from whom has ties with that are relevant but a little too coincidental not to be silly.

Well I dont wanna ruin anymore of the story...So lets just skip to the end. The last fight kinda reminded me of Saving Private Ryan, during the beginning with the D-day battle. the boats were quite similar if not the exact same boats you cheap bastards, you will see them, boats with the hatches and everyone runs out and gets gunned down. But none the less the acting was still good, and Russel Crowe wasnt an asshole this time around...Huh, who would have thought? You heard me go make some movies and make some music then fight around the world. HA! The movie was good. DID YOU HEAR ME MATT? IT WAS GOOD!!! 3 out of 4 stars."Rise and Rise again, until Lambs become Lions."

P.S. this Matt character kicked me as hard as he could because I said the beginning was long and drawn out. I'm not kidding people bring a damn book then stop reading after an hour in.