I was on hiatus... I got nothing else for you. I was busy working on my book business. I even had to start a second blog so my readers can get to know me. It's strange to say that I have readers, but it feels good none-the-less. But being back doing a review feels pretty good too. Glad to be back.The review is on The Hobbit numero dose. First of all, let me get this off my chest. Why the hell is the Hobbit three films long, each spanning almost three hours? My copy of the Hobbit is 305 pages. That is three hours for every hundred pages; and even then there's parts in this movie that aren't in the book. Money hungry bastards. I have actually seen this film twice since its release. Once doing the double feature on Thursday, and again on Sunday, and I shall tell you why. The first time going, I wasn't impressed with the film at all. These two little bitches and there male friend who was prick as well were just chatting away through both movies; even after being told to shut up. Lucky for them I don't hit girls. Another thing that bugged me was my girlfriend having RLS and it would not stop. The whole thing took me out of the experience and eventually ended up making fun of the movie. Turns out I just needed a Snickers. The second time through I loved the movie, I was engulfed in the experience. I still have my issues, but they are minuscule. You know the director and you know the actors, so I'm not gonna' name them all off for you. But the she-elf chick, Tariel? That was the girl in Lost, didn't see it until the second time through. So naturally I loved the acting and story. It was a bit quirky, but I can overlook that I suppose. The talking spiders? But I get it that Bilbo obtains this power to understand them, or possibly the darkness through the ring. Just my interpretation of it. The river scene I was also a little silly, but entertaining. But in the area of quirkiness, for some reason, I wanted more dwarf songs. I mean if they are adding stuff in, why not? Keep with the theme of a light-hearted group on a noble quest. But that would interfere with the fact that the ring might be affecting their minds as well. Too many what ifs. The animation on some of the scenes were a bit choppy for me. I prefer my animation to be seamless. Spend the extra money and go the distance. You're gonna' make it back. I gave you fifty bucks already to see your movie twice, come on. Let me tell you what I did love. Smaug. I love dragons. Dragons were the reason I started playing Magic the Gathering and World of Warcraft. But none of those pussy dragons from Eragon or Dragonheart. No, they did it right with Smaug. Everything from its size to its posture, scales, eyes, its attitude was perfect. Yeah you go ahead and be cocky, Smaug, you have every right to be. Because the old tales do fall utterly short to your enormity, oh Smaug the Magnificent. The dragon made the movie for me. It made me long for more scenes with Bilbo and Smaug conversing. But he's fire, he's death, blah blah blah, I get it, go kill something you beautiful death machine. After my Snickers I really liked this film, there is very little flaw to find. It's a fun movie for everyone, but please, if you have a baby, don't bring it to the movies. You spoil it for everyone else! I give The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug a 4 out of 4. I started out clean but I'm jaded. Just phoning it in, oh, just breaking my skin. Can you help me I'm bent. I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Keep breaking me in. And this is how we will end. With you and me...bent.
