Your Highness "It's my birthday today." "Fuck that."

This review is on Your Highness starring Danny McBride, James Franco, and Natalie Portman. This Fantasy/comedy was directed by David Gordon Green who I have not heard of. There was a lot of hype for this movie for being a medieval comedy. The idea is strange but unique none the less. G4 hyped this movie as well as the amount of advertisements I had seen. Well sadly for me it did not live up to the hype. Don't get me wrong it was funny. Just not as funny as I heard it to be. And seeing Natalie Portman's ass didn't make up for it either. I'm going to take a brief moment and say that this woman has been in almost every movie that has come out what the hell is up with that? All I have been seeing is Natalie Portman this and Natalie Portman that. Have some freakin variety people. She's an accomplished actress, I have every ounce of faith in her to deliver a performance but for god sakes show some boob. Now that I got that off my chest HA! get it? -.- your probably not laughing. Oh well back to the review. The movie starts off with Franco returning triumphant from a quest slaying a mighty cyclops and bringing home a bride played by Zooye Deschanel. Well as mighty as Franco says while carrying the creatures severed head. Being greeted with open arms by the rest of the kingdom in the back stood a jealous McBride. McBrides character is useless and funny with his snidely comments toward his brother. Well more skipping and Franco's wife is kidnapped by Leezar. The brief fight scene was surprisingly cool and funny. Not to get too carried away with the plot but that's pretty much it. A reluctant McBride and an eager high spirited Franco head off on a new quest to save his bride. The fight scenes and the special effects were very well done for a comedy, and I was astonished to see some of the creative magic used. Though this is called a stoner flick and advertised to aim at such an audience it only felt that way during the first thirty or forty minutes of the movie. The language was vulgar which I loved. The humor was very inappropriate which I also loved. The Jokes were very funny but they were hit and miss. And the hits were few and far between for me. The nudity was great, even the minotaur cock had me laughing. Which reminds me. I saw an interview with Danny McBride. Between the writers and director there was an argument on the size of the creatures penis. I guess minotaurs aren't as hung as they were fighting for it to be. I give Your Highness a 2 1/2 out of 4. It was funny but not funny enough for the hype it was given.

Paul, Three tits? Nice.

This review is on Paul starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Seth Rogen. This sci fi/comedy/adventure was directed by Greg Mottola. Going to this movie I had very little expectations for it. Then I thought to myself hey the guys from Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are in it. So it can't be that bad. Well I was in for a shocker, it wasn't bad. Not at all actually some of the scenes were quite funny. And gave me the most insane urge to go to Comic Con, (sigh) a guy can dream. Any who this film starts off with to science fiction geeks from across the pond heading to Comic con on a road trip. After the convention they leave on their trusty RV down to Area 51. Making the tedious stops at the points of "interest" along the way. When they finally run into Paul the laughs really start. I don't want to give anything away but the personality and habits from this alien are hilarious. Seth did a good job making him charismatic but at the same time repugnant. Mia Stallard shows up a little late in the movie. But her role was probably the most difficult to act out but she pulled it off beautifully. She pissed me off, frustrated me, then had me laughing pleading for more. I will be honest these two British guys are on a completely different level of swearing than us. Just some of the potty mouth humor they had got me laughing so hard I had to cover my mouth to muffle the sounds. The laughs though do not really excuse some of the scenes they put in there just to make the movie longer that weren't needed. Other than the redundant the movie was surprisingly good. I give Paul a 3 out of 4. I like potty humor.

Insidious Only an evil eternal may run so deep

This review is on Insidious starring Patrick Wilson, and Rose Byrne. This horror film was directed by James Wan Whom I personally have never heard of. But in the research I did on this film the director wasn't going for a typical monster movie. He genuinely wanted to scare people with suspense and jump scenes mostly. In a sense that's what every horror movie is meant to do, scare you and make you want to sleep with the lights on. Well I think Wan may have been a little more serious about his motives than other directors. Or at least in the beginning. The movie starts off with a happy family moving into their new home when slightly strange things happen. Simple things that can be blamed on small children. You know when stuff is found on the ground and they say their imaginary friend did it. But being the adult you are you know better. HA! Well lets skip ahead a little and the boy goes into a coma one morning. Then things really start to turn south and the job they did with the horror wasn't bad at this point. I was scared I will admit. As I glanced at the screen showing a woman looking through the window of her house at an unfamiliar boy dancing to a vinyl record playing wearing 30's cloths. It was disturbing, in my mind I begged the screen not to go to the next scene but at the same time I had to know what was going to happen. When we reached the point of the story where help had arrived and the cause of the boys coma was revealed it got stupid. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I wanted to shout. And the way to bring him back was even dumber. There was a major flaw in the making of this film. A flaw that only a few directors manage to dodge. Do not show what is scaring your audience. If you cannot put a face on your fear it makes it that much more terrifying. The first half was good, the second half was a fucking joke. Rent it at the redbox. I give Insidious a 2 out of 4. Just remember. Tip toe, through the window, by the window, that's where I'll be. This scene right here scared the crap out of me. Left goosebumps on my arms.