Jane Eyre - My little elf

This quick review is on Jane Eyre starring Mia Wasikowska, Jamie Bell, Holliday Grainger. The Director is Cary Fukunaga who also did a handful of shorts and documentaries. This movie was based off of the novel Jane Eyre written by Charlotte Bronte in 1847. It is one of those stories that has withstood the test of time. Though in modern english/shaksperian I still needed a translator in some parts. This movie is about following a girl from when she is a child until she becomes a woman seeing all of her trials and tribulations. This movie is very well done, well acted, well scripted, everything was great. But it was insanely slow. I checked my phone numerous times just to see how much time had gone by. Some parts were very intriguing and others could not end soon enough. This film gave me the depth I have been craving in movies, and for that I am grateful. But I will be honest, for the average person this movie is not for them. Most people now want witty humor, colorful pictures, big explosions, and nudity. You won't get that here. You will get a deep integrated story about love and loss. I give Jane Eyre a 3 out of 4. It is not my speed but their is an audience for it.

Kung Fu Panda 2 - The hardcore understand

This review is on Kung Fu Panda 2 starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Lucy Lu, Seth Rogen, and Jackie Chan. The director is Jennifer Yuh who also did Kung Fu Panda, Spirit, and Dark city. Well like most sequels it is always nice to see all of the actors reprising their rolls. I just want to say that this movie was fun. But I always had a soft spot for cartoons/CGI films. From the opening credits a smile steadily grew on my face. This film started off with a strange paper show that described the reasoning for the plot of the movie. Then skips over to Po who has a funny moment and then jumps right into an action scene. At the end of the fight Po sees a symbol that stirs up memories of his past and sets him on a side quest of finding out who he really is. The fight scenes are very well animated and are extremely entertaining. But like most sequels this movie suffers from what most sequels suffers from. It does not live up to its predecessor. There is growth, development, and good comedy but there just didn't seem to be as much brought to the table. Their wasn't as much at risk nor was their anything to really gain either. The relationships didn't grow or get any deeper. There was an instance where I thought Po and Tigress were going to show some sort of signs of getting closer but alas their was nothing. In that instance I was slightly let down. I hope this franchise does not become like the rest and is just out to make a quick buck. I have high hopes for Kung Fu Panda. Their were scenes at the end that lead me to believe that there will be a third movie. And in this scene I saw a connection with the first movie. No matter how minuscule it was, it was there which made me think that their was an attempt at something deeper in the works. But that may just be wishful thinking. I give Kung Fu Panda 2 a 3 out of 4. I also have a soft spot and a respect for Kung Fu.

Hangover 2 - We are a wolf pack

This review is on The Hangover 2 Starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis. Hangover was directed by Todd Phillips who also directed The Hangover, Due Date, and Old School. So the director hasn't exactly veered from what was familiar. The Hangover 2 was a very funny movie, and at every turn you are bound to be shocked or appalled. This movie starts off Ed Helms's character getting married in Thailand. So the wolf pack with some persuasion to invite Zach's character went off to the wedding. A new character was introduced sorta, and that's Helms soon to be brother in law who gets caught up in their mischief. Well through a few scenes and having a few laughs they get to the beach and that's where their adventure begins. This movie is very straight forward about its plot. The next morning they wake up in a different place and so on and so forth. This movie is the same as the first. Other than location and the losing of the characters this film is the same. And that's my biggest issue with it. Other than the little surprises you will see along the way. Same plot and same formula take place as well. Their was absolutely no difference between the two. But I guess they were just making a safe bet and it sort of paid off. I'm sure the masses will look past this and be blind to the nudity and comedy. But for me it left me wanting something more. Don't get me wrong I still enjoyed it but there was just something missing for me. I give The Hangover 2 a 2 1/2 out of 4. Too much of the same.

Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides - Depends on the light

This review is on Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides. Pirates is one of the heavy hitters or must sees on my summer of ass kicking movie list. This movie starred Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, and Geoffry Rush. Pirates was directed by Rob Marshall, who also directed Chicago. Well right off the bat this film has two very great things going for it. One, no Orlando Bloom. Lets face it this guy sucks and I hated his character. Constant bickering on his behalf along with an inner struggle that lasted three movies only being resolved at the end of the trilogy. For shits sake get over it. Orlando was fine in the first movie but it just got dumb. Second thing, no Keira Knightly thank god. This girl is a terrible actress. She has two things in common with every character she has played. They are the same character. And they all feel they need to show their tits to the camera which is completely redundant because she lacks the chestical fortitude to do it anyway. Stranger Tides starts off with Mr. Gibbs being tried in a courtroom for having his identity confused with a certain Captain we all know and love. So Jack Sparrow impersonates a judge and a daring escape en-sews that involves some daring improvising and fun chase scene. When Jack Sparrow first appears on the screen it almost felt like seeing a lost acquaintance that needed no introduction. And we picked up right where we left off as he continued to entertain me with his life stories. Jack and the camera had a certain chemistry, the camera loves Jack. If he is in the shoot he immediately steals the scene with his theatrics or mischief. Angelica (Cruz) I could not help but feel her character was lacking so to speak. She is a past love interest for Jack that only has the purpose of continuing the franchise with the fifth film. My biggest issue was Black Beard. In the movie he is proclaimed to be the most feared Pirate in all the ocean. This character lacks any sort of depth and he basically enters the film just as he leaves. He gave no sense of urgency or threat. Black Beard was basically another hurdle to leap over to get to the main goal. And finally Geoffry Rush. Yeah you, who do you think you are? Great acting and a kick ass pirate accent? As you can tell this isn't a complaint. Geoffry Rush, it's always a pleasure. Stranger Tides was pumped out to make an extra buck off of this established franchise. But that's okay I have come to enjoy these movies, regardless of how ridiculous some of its scenes may have been. I am willing to pay my money to see this movie. But only once there is no need to see it again until it comes out on DvD and then the price is reduced. Jack Sparrow is one of my favorite characters, and I'm sure I am not the only one. I look forward to the fifth installment and am willing to spend my hard earned money on it. I give Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides a 3 out of 4. This movie was a fun ride. But it lacked a certain depth I know it can go. There is a little surprise at the end of the credits but honestly it's not really worth waiting for.

Bridesmaids- Not what I expected

This review is on Bridesmaids. Starring Melissa McCarthy, Ellie Kemper, and Rose Byrne. This comedy was directed by Paul Feig. This movie had a simple formula to it. Friend finds out about other friends engagement and becomes the maid of honor. Maid of honor has competition with brides other friend and goes crazy trying to out show the other friend. This formula is simple and worked very well in this movie, sometimes less is more. I have no real qualms with this film, there really isn't much to say about it either. It was a well written, well acted, and very funny movie. The humor was very foul and insightful, and I loved every bit of it. The character Megan was my favorite. Her raunchy character had me covering my mouth and face with some of the things she had said, trying not to laugh out loud. I expected a straight up chick flick but I was completely wrong. Yes somewhere in this movie there is a small romance story, which was refreshing from time to time. Just enough to show the growth and change with the main character. And yes their were some questions left unanswered but I didn't even care or notice until I started thinking about it. I give Bridesmaids a 3 1/2 out of 4. Some of the jokes ran a little longer than they needed to be. They were still funny, it just started to get annoying.

Priest- Another one bites the dust.

This review is on the film Priest. Starring Paul Bettany (Legion), Karl Urban (Lord of the Rings), and Cam Gigandet (Twilight). Just in case you didn't know who they were. Karl Urban is a little more well known in recent movies than the others. This Science fiction/post apocalyptic/vampire/western as it was classified was directed by Scott Charles Stewart whom has worked on quite a few films but not sure if he has directed any of them. This is another rendition of a comic book, which have become very popular this spring/summer. Priest starts off with a family in a house out in the middle of nowhere. The father hears a noise and looks outside and to his surprise its a horde of vampires coming to ruin their evening. Well to make a short story even shorter they took the daughter and killed the parents. The Priest is told of these deeds and heads off after them breaking his coven to save the girl. That's basically the entire movie. No character depth, no real dialog what so ever, no effort. This was a very lazy and poorly done movie. I thought my story had issues jumping from event to event, but DAMN. Here's the movie. Something happens, ride on motorcycles, fight, repeat. They go somewhere say a line or two then ride off and fight. This was so ridiculous I couldn't help but laugh. And to top it all off it was only an hour or so long. It felt like the movie ended when we sat down to start watching it. I don't need to mention how worthless the 3D was, it always is. There were some good ideas they didn't bother playing off of. For example how the world was forcibly ran by the church and to go against them was basically treason. I liked the vampires and how they evolved to not have eyes. They mentioned in the movie that the eyes were the windows to the soul and vampires were soulless creatures. The war prior to the movie they didn't bother doing anything with and seemed far more interesting. I liked the idea of the hives for the vampires which were huge mountains and inside were these catacombs and it basically looked like a giant beehive. They didn't even bother giving the queen vampire more than a few seconds of recognition. There were some interesting elements to this movie but was not used to its full capability. It felt like eating an unglazed, and unfilled jelly doughnut that had been sitting out all day in the sun. very unsatisfied. I give Priest a 1 out of 4. If you decide to see this movie anyways ask if you can pay half price because of how short it is.

Thor I want to walk across the rainbow bridge

This review kicking off my summer of bad ass movies is Thor Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Tom Hiddleston. This comic book movie was directed by Kenneth Branagh also known for Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, Hamlet, and Operation Valkyrie. So this movie seems to be quite a stretch from his comfort zone. Thor is about the Thunder god whom is supposed to ascend to be king of Asgard. In growing up he becomes arrogant, spoiled, and battle hungry. He was contending for the thrown with his brother Loki but naturally Thor is selected to succeed Odin. So the Frost giants, one of the antagonists of this film find a way to break into Asgard's vault to steal back an artifact of theirs. When this happens Thor goes berserk for action. Him and his friends go to the Frost giants realm and wreck havoc on the population. When they become trapped on the planet and all hope seems lost Odin saves them and Thor is banished to Earth losing his powers for his recklessness and starting a war. Now here is where I have complaints. Thor was a complete dick in his home land. When he gets to Earth that all goes away and becomes a giant teddy bear. So to speak. No growth in character what so ever. In Asgard he's a dick. On Earth, he's immediately nice. Why wouldn't he be arrogant on Earth? Is it manners that keeps him in check? Or the fact that he is among lesser beings and feels he needs to set an example? In any case he changed too dramatically at such a rapid rate and had very little time to do it in. The movie was long enough but there was so much action that there was not enough time for character development. At the end of the movie the characters left pretty much the same way the came. But the visuals were great in some places, others felt a little dated. The story was good and consistent. And the action will keep your attention. Thor is entertaining. It won't take you on a deep emotional roller coaster or make you think. It's just their saying hey look at me I'm pretty to watch. I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes action and or is a fan of Marvel and this giant Avengers collaboration. I give Thor 3 out of 4. It's all leading up to The Avengers. Years of planning and movie making. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Dylan Dog You hit like a vampire

This review is on Dylan Dog starring Brandon Routhe, Anita Briem, and Sam Huntington. Wait who? O.o and Kevin Munroe who also did the newest Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Apparently the director has a thing for rehashing comic books into movies. Well mister director you better leave X-men, Spiderman, or any other marvel superhero movie alone. Even though ninety percent of those movies were crap as well. My childhood is going in the shitter. Oh well this supernatural mystery movie starts with Dylan in his office narrating that he gave up his old life as the line that divided humans from the undead. He kept the peace between all of the species of undead. And when I say all the species I mean all three of them. Sorry I want more. They kept true to the old rules of the zombies, werewolves, and vampires which I appreciated. I also wanted mummies maybe a variation of Frankenstien. But anyways he is now a private eye spying on people and making money off of their misfortune. Then the one case he should have avoided came along where a man was murdered by a werewolf. Then a small sequence of murders makes Dylan change his mind about his carrier choice and immediately becomes the line that divides once more. Come on! It took ten minutes for this character to grow and change. It is suppose to happen through out the span of the movie. And in a sense it did but it was something so minor that had little or nothing to do with the story. Dylan Dog has very little going for it. The acting is stagnant and monotone. The sidekick was funny at first and I liked him but it quickly got annoying. The love interest/daughter of the dead guy killed by the werewolf had little or no character development. In fact love interest? How did they even have time to develop any kind of relationship at all? They always brought her along in the car then had the sidekick take her back to the office because it was to dangerous. Why bring her along at all? And plot holes, plot holes, plot holes. One for example. When Dylan retired from his position why didn't anyone take his place. It seems like an important job. Better yet why was there only one keeper of the peace. The movie does state that the monsters all live in New Orleans but come on its a big world. I give Dylan Dog a 2 out of 4. It wasn't bad but it wasn't cheesy good either.

Scream 4 Better never than late

This review is on Scream 4 with Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette. This "horror" movie was directed by Wes Craven whom was supposedly one of these masters of horror. But as of late not so much. Wes Craven is one of those directors that has films that are either hit or miss. And most of the time he is striking out having very few home runs. And Scream is one of those franchises that had an alright first movie for a Wes Craven picture. But then the next two sequels were a bunch of garbage. Only there to cash in on the name Scream. But now we come to the fourth installment. And I have to be honest I laughed every time I saw the preview and shook my head in disappointment. Really? Scream 4? You have nothing better to do? Oh well the three stars needed to get work some how. The movie starts off making fun of itself by seeing the beginnings of the movies Stab 6 and Stab 7. Which are the films made within the movie. They make fun of the movie by saying how needlessly a franchise spawns sequels to make money. And then after introducing the two opening characters they die right on cue after a phone call from some person who can't handle the stress of modern life. Neve Campbell shows up in her home town where the recent murder takes place which so happens to be the anniversary of her tragic stories. Now she's a suspect and has to stay in town. Blah blah blah. Most of the people who die had no real reason to die. I know its a slasher movie but come on have some kind of direction. And some of the scenes where they die took forever to actually play out. The victims didn't even die creatively. The dialog was terrible though I could not help myself but laugh. The lines they tried to say seriously was hilarious. And this is where I get confused. Was Wes Craven actually a genius in making fun of his film on purpose? If so I would have to applaud him. But in some scenes the movie showed it was taking itself too seriously. So I can't really decide which direction Wes was taking the movie. So I can only give the movie a 1 out of 4. We were the only people in the theater. Some fan base. Hey everybody who all wants to see Scream 4? Get the fuck out of here.