Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, all that glitters is stupid

This review is a unique one, I went to a marathon (unwillingly) of all three twilight movies at the theatre. And I shall take a little time to dig once again and get a little personal with all of you. To put it simply I have seen this story before, I have reenacted this story long before it ever became famous. There was this girl That I worked with not too long ago, 3-4 years ago I think. Pale, light brown hair, gothic, nice but slightly dark. She had a boyfriend who she had been seeing years before I had even met her. But spent everyday together and eventually she said she loved me...how much she would never admit to me but said she only made time for her boyfriend and myself (which was probably a lie.) But none the less it was a struggle for her attention that ultimately ended up in heartbreak for myself. I have seen this story before and in the end its kinda lame. I have never reviewed any of these movies so here goes nothing. Twilight is a story of a stupid girl whom develops a taste for the dead and tormenting and using the beast that obsesses over her. Kristin Stewart (Bella) is one of the worst actresses I have ever seen, its actually up in the air between her and Megan Fox. But every line that came out of her mouth proved how bad she was. Robert Pattinson wasn't that much better. I spent quite a large portion of the scenes Robert and Kristin shared laughing. Twilight starts off with a girl moving to a town that I'm sure has no shortage of...Forks n.n She sees one of the gayest looking guys I have ever seen and this childish love hate, obsess and neglect relationship starts. No real plot that I could make out until other vampires show up and for some reason wont stop for anything to suck her blood. Which the plot was quite easily resolved, and there was just no real purpose for it. The struggle developing a relationship between a human and vampire would have been plot enough. I give it 1 1/2 out of 4 this movie required different actors.
New Moon is a slight improvement to its predecessor, and I mean SLIGHT, the only reason I liked it better was that Robert Pattinson was in the movie for maybe ten to twenty minutes (Thank God). Taylor Lautner is by far the superior actor to his other costars, and other then the fact that everyone cheered when he took off his shirt, I just enjoyed his character better then the for mentioned (Edward). Maybe for reasons that I felt I could connect better with him then the tall vampire that looks like he stuck a fork in a wall outlet or something. New Moon start with Bella, whom still had terrible acting, having a birthday party at the Cullins house. Edwards vampire family throw a party for her and Bella cuts her finger on the wrapping paper and everything goes to hell. The vamp family has to leave Forks and Edward breaks it off with Bella which turns her into an emo then dilusional adrenalin junky that has night terrors and screams in her sleep. Which I found myself laughing even harder with each night terror scene. So she goes and runs to Jacob (Taylor Lautner) and uses him to make the pain of her loss go away, but never truly gives herself to him. Again no real plot until the end of the movie after Jacob becomes a wolf and Bella runs off to Spain to save Edward from doing all of us a favor and ending this saga quickly. I give this movie 2 out of 4 just for the sheer reason that Lautner is better than Pattinson. (Go team Jacob)
Eclipse is where the actors have started to show that they have gotten their roles down. There were noticeable improvements in the actors abilities...with the exception of Pattinison, whom still sucked horribly. I did enjoy seeing the two males in this movie argue over her, it was quite humorous. And to hear about the history of the wolves was somewhat interesting, and to find that much detail in a story that is some womans wet dream of making two guys suffer over her and manage to claim them both. I really can't find much joy in watching these movies for it is quite degrading to men. Eclipse starts off with Bella and Edward talking about marriage and her turning into a vamp. Veronica a vampire from the first movie and makes a brief appearance in the second, goes after Bella because the Cullins killed her mate. Raises an army of "New Borns" which are vamps who are first bitten, to go after them for vengeance. Nothing very exciting about this movie, I was told there was humor to it and the audience did laugh...except for me. I laughed at more inappropriate moments. And at movies end I hear in the audience behind me "They definatly left it open for a fourth." No kidding...its a four part saga the last book/movie is called Breaking Dawn. I hate this crap and I even knew that... I give this movie 2 1/2 out of 4 the acting was better, but the story is still lame. If these vampires didn't "glisten" and all look like they prefer sexual encounters with others of the male species then this saga could actually be good. Oh and also better actors.

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