The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - You don't have a home

I apologize for my brief absence, there was nothing I wanted to see. Killing them softly looked like crap. The only thing with Brad Pitt I want to see is World War Z, looks awesome! I don't even remember what else came out. It looked uninteresting, and I didn't want to waste my money. But fear not, I have returned, and with a grand tail to tell. Okay...not that grand...here's The Hobbit.

I actually went and saw this movie twice before I decided to write my review on it. I had planned on writing it on Thursday night, but a part of me thought I should give it a second glance. Before seeing it a second time I saw that the metascore on this film was only average. I found that to be very questionable. I read some of the reviews, and most of them were negative. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. So I saw it again, to see if there was something I might have overlooked. I figured out why these critics didn't care so much for this film. And maybe a small part of me agrees. But we are talking a small fractional part of me agrees. The stars of The Hobbit are Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage and eleven others. The director was Peter Jackson, he doesn't need any other introductions. Middle Earth is a place I have been longing to go back and revisit. This is a world I have been dying to explore. The Hobbit gave me a small piece of that. It satisfied my thirst for adventure, until next December...or when I fire up World of Warcraft. I absolutely loved the beginning, seeing how the plot started, and seeing the dwarven city. It felt like a real place. The attention to detail was astounding. In The Fellowship of the Ring, Moria was breathtaking. But it paled in comparison to Erebor; it was beautiful. I thought I was going to hate having an entire cast of dwarves, but it actually turned out okay. Things I didn't quite care for as much was some of the character animation...minus Gollum. It seemed a bit cartoonish for me, even the dragon didn't seem that well rendered, maybe it's just me. I have seen what Peter Jackson is capable of, and the animation just wasn't up to par for me, compared to what he has done. Then there was the story and length, I believe this is where the critics frowned the most. Well let me tell you, this isn't Lord of the Rings. This isn't a story of an epic tale filled with war and love. If that's what you thought you were going to see, then you are a fool to think so. No, like most people, they have read the book, and know what to expect. This is a story of a hobbit, adventuring with twelve silly dwarves, and a wizard...not a good wizard, but a wizard. Yes, there are some grand battles, and drama, but that goes with any quest. The length, you can't make these kinds of movies short. It's absurd to think otherwise. Three hours is a long time for most people to sit still. Well, expand your attention spans and rid yourself of your A.D.D. There are two more coming, and these movies are worth sitting down for. I had a smile on my face the entire time I watched this film...both times. I loved it, and I can't wait to see what happens next. I give The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey a 4 out of 4. You know, its not some great power, some massive military force, or some weapon that staves off the darkness. No... It's the small things, acts of kindness, love, helping and being good to others is what keeps the darkness at bay. And I fear it gives me courage.  

Red Dawn - This is our home

Let me get one thing straight and clear. I wanted to see Silver Linings Playbook instead of this film. Not just for my huge crush on Jennifer Lawrence, but this film had the highest ratings of all the others that came out. And Jennifer Lawrence was in it... Every theater here advertised it, has posters and cardboard cut outs. But do they have it? NO! No they do not, no theater does for a hundred mile radius. I have to drive to Denver to go see it. I would, but the funds wouldn't allow it. But I hear this is happening everywhere. If such a high rated movie isn't being shown then how is it going to make any kind of money? I don't want to have to wait and buy it. Plus I'm not getting my fix dammit. I got a problem, I know. Back to Red Dawn. This movie starred Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, and Josh Hutcherson. The director was Dan Bradley, this was his first film. I could tell... Josh Peck with his shit eating voice/speech impediment or something was awful. But it allowed me to mistake his horrible acting for it. I liked some of this movie, but my liking for the original completely overshadowed it. Which sucks, because I try and view these remakes as a standalone film. The acting was mediocre, with Thor doing the best job. The plot, yet again, felt like it just skipped on ahead without much explanation. I seem to finding that a lot in these movies lately. I wanted to like this movie, I really did, but there was too much getting in the way of that. I give Red Dawn a 2 out of 4. It's good enough for the average movie goer. But not good enough to replace Jennifer Lawrence. 

Rise of the Guardians - You can't say no, it is destiny

I loved this movie from the moment I saw the very first trailer, I was excited for it; hell I promoted this film on a previous review. It wasn't just the animation that got me. But the sheer potential that this film could have had, it just sucked me right in and I was an immediate fan. Well, all that was before I saw the actual movie, I have a more slightly different tail to tell. Rise of the Guardians starred Chris Pine, Alec Baldwin, Jude law, Isla Fisher and Hugh Jackman. The director was Peter Ramsey, the only other film he directed was a Monsters versus Aliens T.V. movie...figures. I blame myself really...I put this movie on a pedestal, like I do with most. And the expectations were set too high for a children's movie. I just expected more then what I got. This film was about belief and hope, and I felt a little of that. But no real threat, nothing I actually believed couldn't be handled. I still enjoyed this film. But I felt that certain plot points and events in the movie just skipped along with out any real explanation. Some of this stuff was important and it only received a few moments of attention. Oh well, this is me just being nitpicky. The voice acting was great, the plot idea was sound but had some execution troubles. I believe in these symbols, that they do bring wonder, memories, fun, and hope. This film gives that message, and shouts it into your ear until they bleed. Got a bit annoying, but still good. This is still a good movie to take your whole family to. I give Rise of the Guardians a 3 out of 4. Don't stop believing, then the light of hope will never extinguish.

Life of Pi - What more do you want from me?

I go through life seeing and hearing about things. Stuff that never happens to me, but maybe that's a good thing. Most of the time these things happen to people that I believe need some form of redemption. And maybe it's God giving them that chance. I hate to get preachy and deep like this in a review, but in a sense, this movie seems a bit like that. Not much...but a bit. Life of Pi starred Suraj Sharma, Irrfan Khan, Ayush Tandon and Gautam Belur. Funny enough all played Pi. The director was Ang Lee, who also did Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and Broke Back Mountain. This movie had a lot of hype, being called the next Avatar, or something like that. Let me tell you that is a poor analogy. I hated Avatar...the movie disgusted me with it's lack of originality. Pi is nothing like that. This movie was slow, but it was amazing; touching really. I don't want to sound like a pussy but it was kind of beautiful. This movie itself was a bit preachy on God, but I didn't seem to mind so much. This story showed me a lot, not just about life and religion, but I saw other things as well. But I believe you see what you want to see when it comes to movies and music. With Pi I saw that when you build a relationship with something or someone, and that something comes to be close to you, even depend on you for survival. That something will leave you the first chance it gets, and never look back. But that's just me. This tale of survival is amazing, the visuals were amazing, the acting was amazing. I loved every bit of this film, and would pay again to see it. I give Life of Pi a 4 out of 4. I only saw the reflection of my heart in it's eyes.

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 2 - Forever isn't as long as I hoped

ATTENTION, SPOILER ALERT!  I am going to talk about the end of this film. If you don't want the ending spoiled, do not continue any further in this review. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

So I can't believe I was talked into going to another Twilight marathon. Damn...twelve hours of nothing but Twilight. So I was surrounded by the lowest of the nerdy chick chain, whom either brought their friends, or brought their boyfriends who were just as miserable as I was. Then I was posed with the question of which one was my favorite. Really? Which one was my favorite? That's like going to a dog park and looking at the ground and asking me which piece of shit I like the best. If I had to answer it would be Eclipse, personal opinion. Here are the five star actors and actresses in this masterpiece. Kristin Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner, and so on and so forth. The director is Bill Condon, who also did Breaking Dawn Part one and Dreamgirls. So here's an overview of the saga. It stinks... I couldn't give any of the past films higher than a two. The acting was terrible in each one, especially Mrs. Stewart's. Though the abilities gradually progressed and peaked with Eclipse; they started to sink and fall with both parts of Breaking Dawn. And in the theater when Breaking Dawn Part one came on, all it did was remind me of how much I hate my ex fiance. But, again, getting a little personal. Lets start with the character Bella, I hate this bitch. She is like the majority of women I know. Hey, I'm gonna use this guy because I'm lonely and take everything he can offer before I run back to the guy I'm currently with. She juggles both of these morons and uses the wolf when ever hairboy doesn't currently satisfy her enough. This girl is a pathetic selfish bitch, and I hate the character with every fiber of my being. Though she must be doing something right if I care enough to hate her so much. But hey, I'm gonna put out there that I also hate the chick from Fifty Shades of Grey, she's pathetic as well. "Inner Goddess" please, that means nothing more than that she's a closet slut with little or no self respect. I got anger issues... I digress. Jacob and Edward are also idiots as well. Yeah, I understand love and how far you would go. But you got to realize when you are being used, these guys are as clueless as Edwards hair...gross. The characters are shells basically with little or no room to grow and develop. They act like zombies when this girl comes around, jealous around each other, and it's like that for five movies. Nothing more, nothing less. Breaking Dawn two introduced two new elements, one, Bella is a vampire. And two, Renesmee, the offspring of Bella and Edward. Neither of them affected really anything that was relevant to anything. The plot was disastrous, a false accusation in which the most powerful vampires go to fight the Cullins...that's it. And if all of that wasn't enraging to me enough, here was the tip of the iceberg. The main battle that they show in the trailers, and the epicenter of what the whole film was building up to...never happened. IT WAS A FUCKING VISION! I was so fucking pissed. Main characters were dying, things were actually getting real and interesting. There was real threat that their plans weren't going to succeed. None of it was real. It allowed you to feel the emotions built by this fight and then ripped them away, having no real consequence. This is a huge NO NO in the writing world. But some how, Stephanie Meyer, you got away with this. You are a bitch. To me, this was inexcusable; for a split second I gave a shit about these characters. Then it was gone. That's what I get for feeling I suppose. I give Breaking Dawn - Part 2 a 1 out of 4. I am wolf, and I say kill all vampires.   

Five Women Wearing the Same Dress - women...

An unbiased opinion...easier said than done. I always thought myself above theater, plays, Broadway, all those things. A little insight on myself, I think of myself as a bit of a snob, a little stuck up, definitely high maintenance. So when I think of plays I go back to my fourth grade year when we did a Christmas Carol. That was a disaster... But I got a request from a friend to see her play. A friend I have a lot of respect for, just for her sheer talent in writing and voice acting. How could I refuse? For some reason I thought I was going to walk into some massive auditorium. To my surprise it was a room that housed maybe no more than fifty, and a little bedroom right smack in the middle of it. So I find my seat and there are these two guys that sit on both sides of me, and they are huge! And I think to myself They are going to be rubbing against me all night...Shit... I figured I was going to be in for a very long night; I couldn't have been more wrong. The stars of this play were Marcie Kindred, Elizabeth Wood, Erin Williams, Caitlyn Fontes and Bo Paulsrud. I think this play was written by Alan Ball, and directed by Dave Gaer; if memory serves me correctly. The moment the lights dimmed and the first few characters walked on stage I couldn't help but smile at their quirky dresses and silly personalities. One after the other, the actresses came on stage and each of their personalities dazzled me just a bit more then the last. All very funny, there wasn't a moment where I didn't find myself chuckling or smiling. The jokes were great. But what I thought was hilarious is that I just didn't think women talked like that. But then I have never witnessed the inner workings of a female circle before either...well not sober at least. The story wasn't all laughs, there were brief moments of seriousness and complicated situations. And that's where one of two of my problems lie. I craved closure, or some kind of resolution to the problem. I really didn't feel like I got any, or at least enough. Other then that I loved every bit of the story. And the acting, oh the acting, it was amazing. I can't describe how impressed I was with each of them...except for one. Problem number two belongs to Mr. Bo. His acting felt very dry, not forced by any means, but dry. He didn't convince me that he could be a real person like the rest of the girls did. I don't think my distaste for his inability to act stems from any kind of alpha male issues, eh who knows. Any-who... I wasn't entirely pleased with it, just my opinion. But the other girls have some very real talent. So much so that I believe that they could give some professional actors and movie stars a few tips. I'm not exaggerating in the least. I'm a very tough critic I'm told, but I know what I like. And I truly hope that these girls go on to pursue some form of acting, whether it be stage or screen. If not, I believe the world will truly miss out on something special. I did my best to give this play an unbiased opinion without the distraction of my admiration for my friend. I give Five Women Wearing the Same Dress a 3 1/2 out of 4. I don't review plays so this was a first for me. The story was solid as was the acting, a tweak or two and this would have been perfect. Great job guy and girls.  

Wreck-It Ralph - You're my hero

Being the gamer that I am, when I saw this trailer I immediately wanted to see this movie. It looked fun and entertaining, and it just seemed up my ally. I know I have a history of being too hard on some animated films geared toward kids. But this movie is very different from the rest. Maybe even a step ahead of the rest, but definitely a step in the right direction. The stars of this film are John C Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, and Jane Lynch. The director is Rich Moore, who also worked on several animated T.V. shows such as Futurama and the Simpsons. This film is about a video game villain who wants to be a hero. It's a simple yet sound plot. I mean who would want to get their asses beat for some amount of years consistently and be treated as an outcast. The yearning for a deeper meaning is there. Not only the villain, but the other main characters as well show that they want something more then what they had become. The moral of the story is deep and real; something that everyone should follow. This movie was very funny and very well acted. I despise Sarah Silverman, but I very much enjoyed her voice acting and character. Besides the fact that this film had something to teach and wasn't a bunch of empty humor; what I enjoyed the most was the fact that they didn't use real video games for the main characters. Sure real video game characters made tons of cameo appearances, but this movie wasn't about them. Having original characters gives no room for complaints from the die-hard gamers and allows a connection to be made with these new characters. This movie was possibly one of the best animated movies I have seen. I give Wreck-It Ralph a 4 out of 4. I believe sequels hurt movies like this. But if done well, I do hope I see these characters again.    

Cloud Atlas - Truth is singular, its variations...are mysterious

Cloud Atlas... I stumbled upon this trailer on accident some several months ago. Having heard of the book, and hearing good things about this magical author named David Mitchell; I was pretty excited to see this film. It was actually at the top of my must see film list. I did something I don't normally do before I write these things, I read other reviews about this movie. Headlines claimed this film a flop, terrible, snooze fest, too complicated to follow. Just flat out boring. It was disappointing to hear this. One of the few times I must disagree with the flock, and stand my ground against a current of negative reviews about this film...and defend it. They deemed the book, Cloud Atlas, unfilmable. Too many characters, and too complicated of a plot to try and follow. I won't deny the complexity and lengthiness of the movie; but it's not a terrible thing either. Cloud Atlas starred Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, Jim Sturgess, Hugo Weaving, Doona Bae, and Ben Whishaw; with a slew of many other actors/actresses as well. The directors were Tom Tykwer, Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski. These people were responsible for the Matrix trilogy, and the only movie I could find you may relate to is Perfume. To me, at first, watching this film was confusing because of the time/story jumps that happened so sporadically. And without much warning you are forced to put together the pieces of this magnificent puzzle. Eventually, I began to mind less and less, until the ebb and flow of the shifts almost seemed natural. Another thing I read was that they were claiming that these were Hanks's and Berry's worst performances. I'm not much of a fan of Halle Berry, but each of these actors played at least three different characters. Hanks played five different roles, forming five separate personalities; all that grew and developed his being's ultimate purpose. The same went with the other cast members as well, none of them fell short of good. Tom Hanks is my favorite actor of all time. I'm told I'm crazy or silly for saying this, but it is true. One of the roles he played in Cloud Atlas, I didn't even really recognized that it was him. To me, he proved himself of my praise with Cloud Atlas. In my lifetime I don't believe I will see another actor quite like him; or capable of matching his skill as an actor. Maybe Joseph Gordon Levitt, but that's a stretch. I was dazzled when I left the theater; I have never seen such a deep and thought provoking movie. Not about the truth of whats out there, but about the possibilities of what may be. Is it possible that if you know me now, did you know me in the past? Will you know me in the future. If we loved, does our love extend beyond time and the stars; only to find us again in a different time. What if in meeting me, and I caused just a few ripples in your timeline, would you still be on the same path if those ripples had never existed? The thought of being on a set course your whole life, and then in an instant, you will be set on a completely different course. That, for me, isn't too far from the truth, my path has shifted so many times in my life. It's tough to imagine if I am still the same person as I once was. Time will do that to you. Time filled with tedium, chance, repetitiveness, luck, love, lust and adventure. This movie captures all of that, and lured me in without a fight; allowing me to relate and connect. Though it is purely fiction, and I might sound crazy for saying this; but it makes you wonder about the people you know and love. Is it truly written in the stars for us to know each other forever. Having a knowledge of the force, I don't believe in chances or coincidence. But that is just me. Most critics hated this film. Well most of those fucks have A.D.H.D, and can't be entertained without something exploding or stupid witless comedy. Don't let me pursued you, and don't let those professional assholes pursued you. Most of them give there reviews to either, A, jump on the bandwagon and not hurt their reputations. Or B, they were simply paid to. Same thing happens with the video game industry. If you lack any kind of mental capacity to comprehend complex story-lines, then don't watch this movie. Simple as that. If you crave a deep, thought provoking film that inspires everything from love, to a revolution, and everything in between. I implore you, see this movie. I give Cloud Atlas a 5 out of 4. Remember, an idea is but a drop in the ocean, in the grand scheme of things. But what people forget is that the ocean consists of millions of drops. ...Everything is connected...

Seven Psychopaths - SHOTGUN!!!

Yeah, yeah, it's a little late to review this movie. But you know what? I don't care. I'm giving you a little mini review anyways. Seven Psychopaths starred an amazing cast that consisted of Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken and Woody Harrelson. The director of this film was Martin McDonagh, who did a few short films and nothing else really. This film won a few awards before it reached the big screen. But no real hype that I heard of; then again I'm told I don't listen at times either. Any-who... I wasn't all that into this film when I saw the trailers for it. But after we had seen everything that we wanted to and was still itching to see a movie (Yeah I know I have a problem) it was either this, or Here Comes the Boom. Well Fuck Kevin James, that movie looks terrible. So Seven Psychopaths was what we chose. Let me tell you, I have never been so happy to pick a movie I didn't want to see. From the very first scene I laughed my ass off at the strange and grotesqueness of the scene. Of course I was the only one laughing, but then again, I myself, am a little fucked up. I had a smile on my face the entire movie. The acting from everyone was amazing; there were no weak-links in this cast. I couldn't believe it. The plot was absurd, but it worked on so many levels. This movie did have layers, and aside from the craziness of the characters and the plot that flew off to left field; it got a little deep. I can't recommend this movie enough, I loved every second of it; and is probably one of my favorite comedies this year, possibly of all time. But Dumb and Dumber is hard to beat; that movie still stands the test of time. I give Seven Psychopaths a 4 out of 4. Go see this film and give it the credit it deserves. 

Paranormal Activity 4 - He doesn't like you

Paranormal Activity. A film and story with great potential, but also a franchise that needs to fade away. The first film was good, not great, but good. It introduced something new, and refreshing into the horror genre. Not the way it was shot, but it was something that I couldn't really put my finger on either. But it definitely instilled terror into its audience. Personally, seeing someone dragged out of bed while they were sleeping, and into an attic, by something invisible, is pretty scary. Well, they road this franchise pretty hard; sucking every last cent they can get from people while doing it. Providing the same scares, same deaths, same general outcome to the story. Sure there were jump scenes, and scenes that make you say, "What the fuck?" But this thing has been revamped, rehashed, and retold, four separate times, even spanning across different time periods. And honestly, nothing has really changed. The last ten or fifteen minutes of each film is what moves the story along. Everything else is just pointless fluff that is meant to scare you, but does nothing to move the story along. I believe I read somewhere that they shot enough "scary" scenes to make two or three movies with. Really? Before I go any further let me introduce you to the actors. This film starred Katie Featherston, Kathryn Newton, Matt Shively, and Brady Allen. The full cast isn't being displayed for reasons that it might give away the story. The directors are Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, both of these guys worked on Paranormal Activity 3 and a documentary called Catfish together. What I don't understand is that do people in films not believe in turning on lights? Or maybe waking someone up to help you investigate the strange noises? Or better yet, NOT run towards the growl, noise, or boom that is terrifying and trying to kill you? Call me a wimp, at least I won't be folded in half by an invisible cult demon. Even for something as fictional as this, I just don't believe humans would behave this way. I also think I'm reading too much into it; what do I know. I went to this film seeking closure to this story. I didn't get it, and it raised more questions, and answered nothing. I basically paid twenty bucks to watch a fifteen year old girl get scared, and people to die quickly and violently. I left the theater unsatisfied and a bit annoyed. But story lines are becoming shallow; people now-a-days have short attention spans and require very little depth to keep them entertained. Oh God, and the product placement. "Hey, look at this cool thing the Kinect, for the XBox, can do!" as he sets his Pepsi can in front of the camera. Seriously!? Show me your other fucking sponsors.  Have the fucking demon mom strip off some LOVE PINK clothing and show a little boob and we might have a movie. Product placement irritates the hell out of me. The acting was okay, same as the other three films. Story is the same, hasn't changed from the other three films. This franchise is becoming the next Saw...I can't remember where I heard that from. But it is true. I also have to look at the other side of this as well. Society has become so desensitized that nothing is really scary anymore. So if you have a formula that manages to frighten some people, and make you a little money while you are at it, then kudos. I can't recommend this film though. I give Paranormal Activity 4 a 1 1/2 out of 4. Stay after the credits; there is a little teaser. Number five will be out next Halloween...Shit. Go see Sinister instead. 

Argo - I have never left anyone behind'

I had little or no faith at all in Ben Affleck, I'm just not impressed with this guy. But Argo showed me something about Ben that I did not see...Talent. Ben Affleck directed and starred in this film along with John Goodman, Bryan Cranston, and Alan Arkin. This film was based on true events of course. And it was very fascinating actually. I loved the filmography, it looked and felt as if it were filmed in the late 70's. But during the middle of the film I started to fall asleep. It may have been because it was so late, or it could have been because it was slow as hell. But when the plan started rolling and the plot was coming to its peak, I was literally on the edge of my seat. I was holding my breath, the suspense that this film managed to build was intense. I blame my falling asleep at the time we went and saw this movie. Ben Affleck's abilities to direct and execute this story was very surprising. This was a well made film, that I enjoyed very much. I have nothing to really say about it. I like to point out the negative in films, but there was nothing negative I could say about this movie; other than it was slow. I give Argo a 4 out of 4. I heard Ben Affleck was the top candidate to direct the Justice League movie. That is a superhero movie; completely different from what he has tackled thus far. But after seeing this movie my faith has been restored...to a degree.

Sinister - Don't worry, I'll make you famous

I look back, and it has been a long time since I have been scared watching a movie. I don't even remember the last movie I watched that I found frightening. Well it's time to update that. Sinister scared the crap out of me...at times (not to sound like a complete pussy). There was hype generating around this film at how scary it was. People walking out because they couldn't handle it, critics also getting the shit scared out of them as well. So I'm not the only one. The actors that starred in Sinister were Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance, and James Ransone. The director was Scott Derrickson, he was also known for The Exorcism of Emily Rose, and Hellraiser : Inferno. So he has some experience in horror; I liked Emily Rose. I'm normally not one to be sucked in by hype; so I wasn't completely convinced that this movie was a scary as I had heard. Well I was in for a little surprise, and not just me, but the audience was screaming during certain key scenes. The guy behind me was freaking out. What I loved about this film is that it doesn't suffer from an excessive amount of jump scenes. Jump scenes are moments in the film where the villain pops out and loud music plays briefly. And its not the bad guy that makes you jump, it's the music. Sinister does not need this cheap tactic, this film was genuinely creepy. The music that did play during the viewing of the super 8 films was probably the creepiest part. I can still hear it, and it gives me goosebumps. What this film does suffer from is predictability, I had it figured out before I even saw the demon. And it wasn't giving itself away or anything, it was just obvious. The other thing I greatly, greatly, disliked about this film was the end. If they had just shaved off two minutes off the ending, it would have ended perfectly. All in all, I liked this film for what it was. The acting was performed well. The plot was intriguing, and well put together. This, to me, was a good scary movie. I give Sinister a 3 1/2 out of 4. If you are squeamish, and scare very easily, I wouldn't recommend this to you. But if you are squeamish and scare very easily, gather your balls and go see it.  

Frankenweenie - I can fix that

A boy and his dog can be the making of a very special friendship. I should know, I had a dog as a boy. I grew up with him, we both became adults, and I was at his side when he passed. He was my best friend, my partner in crime, and the eater of my leftovers. I could heavily relate to this movie, I know the lengths a boy would go to keep his dog safe. I to have made sacrifices to keep my friend safe; but that's a whole other bucket of crazy I don't want to dive into. Frankenweenie is such a film, showing the friendship between a boy and his dog. The stars of Frankenweenie are Martin Short, Martin Landau, Winona Ryder and Charlie Tahan. The director is, Tim Burton, you know who that is. I walked out of the theater unsatisfied, as if something was missing. The best thing I can compare this movie to is chicken...strange I know, but I did think about it. I love chicken, but this movie was like eating dry chicken. It wasn't juicy, it lacked flavor, and had no impact on me. The plot was fine, very rushed, but, fine. The art was very similar to Corpse Bride, and The Nightmare Before Christmas. I really liked the art, if you are sensitive, this movie IS in black and white. I thought it was a nice touch, but if it bothers your eyes I wouldn't recommend it in 3D. If you have read my reviews, you know my views on 3D. The movie didn't need it, it wasn't eye-popping, no scenes that stood out. I did love the characters, but what I didn't see was any growth or development of any of them. Minus all of the grave robbing, this movie was cute at best, but not memorable. I want to like this movie, but the rushed feel of the plot, and the lack of any real development of the characters kind of halts any real fondness I may carry for it. But, again, it's a kids movie. I give Frankenweenie a 2 out of 4. We arrived late and I missed the trailer for the new Wizard of OZ movie. DAMN YOU Wendy's and your Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers! But on a more serious note, don't dig up your dead pets and electrocute them. It's a little weird.  

Hotel Transylvania - You only zing once

Hotel Transylvania wasn't exactly my top pick for a movie to go see this weekend, but then again it wasn't fully my choice. Looper, looks absolutely awful, it wasn't even playing at our theater; but I would have rather seen that instead. Dredd... Some how got some okay reviews, I wouldn't have minded seeing that as well. Hotel Transylvania, God I don't want type that out over and over; can't I just call it a Hot Trany? Okay, okay, bad joke...but still funnier than the crap I had to listen to. Well, I can't call it all crap, Hot Trany did provide a few good jokes, quirky, but good. A few actors from this cast were Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, and so on and so on. The director was Genndy Tatakovsky, the name sounded familiar but really couldn't put my finger on it until I had to look him up. This guy did several T.V. series such as Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack, Power Puff Girls, and recently Star Wars The Clone Wars. So this guy drew the cartoons of my late childhood. Hot Trany was his very first movie, so I guess I can't be too rough on him. This movie is about an over protective Dracula father (Sandler), sheltering his Dracula daughter (Gomez). That's it... What this movie lacked was any real depth, But at the same time it's a kids movie. The message was there and it was loud and clear, I just hate how it was delivered. Samberg's character was annoying to high hell! I literally left the theater with a headache from his and his character's doucheyness. In the film everyone at one point was bored, and then suddenly he pulls out a scooter and everyone is having a blast because he is SO EXTREME! Get the F**K out of here, what simple minded asshole is gonna fall for that empty humor? But, again, it's a kids movie and I'm going too deep with it. I'm not a parent, some day I hope to be if I ever become so lucky. I love cartoons, and the ones I grew up on were funny, amazing, and helped mold the nerd I am today. The point is, I would want my child to get something from the story. Not this senseless garbage I see on T.V. now, that has absolutely nothing to do with nothing other than to make you retarded. And one more thing...I hate Adam Sandler. And the music, oh god, the music...gross! I give this Hot Trany a 1 1/2 out of 4. A quick little note, Rise of the Guardians looks AWESOME!!! Give it a gander.

End of watch - You are my brother

There are bonds that people experience in their time on this world. Bonds of love, friendship, and even hatred. Love, if it weren't for my own personal experiences, would say that it is the most powerful force on this world. It can conquer all, start wars, bring down empires, or crush a spirit. Platonic love between two friends that are very close could be just as strong. Though I'm sure neither would admit it, but brotherhood can run deeper than blood. End of Watch, is at heart a bromance. This film stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Micheal Pena and Anna Kendrick. The director is David Ayer who also did Training Day. Training Day is one of my favorite movies, so I was super excited to see this. This film captured the bonds of brotherhood in such a way that I had not seen it in any other movie. It was touching, and believable, the acting was spectacular, some of the best I have seen this year. The actors portraying the cartel seemed very convincing, though my knowledge with the cartel is limited. None-the-less, they were scary. I'm sure the style this movie was shot had something to do with it, but this movie felt very real to me, and it left me wanting more. I didn't fully understand what this movie was about until I researched it a bit. The basic plot to this film is two regular police officers accidentally stumble onto cartel activities. I loved this movie, there were no flaws that I observed. I have nothing negative to say, and if I overload you with compliments it will seem like I am gushing. I could understand people not liking this film because of the way it was shot, and maybe the lack of nudity, but other than that there is no real excuse to hate this film. I give End of watch a 4 out of 4. It was a fantastic and seemingly real experience. I can't recommend this enough. GO SEE IT!   

House at the End of the Street - I defended you

With most horror movies you get a sense of urgency, tension, fear and an aftermath of having troubles walking around in the dark alone. You don't get that with HATES. Yes, I'm calling it HATES. Unless you want me to repeatedly write House at the End of the Street, because House at the End of the Street is a long title; and I just don't want to write House at the End of the Street multiple times. In my personal opinion HATES shouldn't be classified as horror, but maybe a psychological thriller. I use the term, thriller, loosely. This film Starred the lovely, Jennifer Lawrence, yes, I have a stupid crush on this girl, and yes, it is the reason why I went and saw this film. I would marry this chick! It also starred Elizabeth Shue, It took me forever to remember this woman's name, I thought about it for half of the film and it bugged the shit out of me. And Max Thieriot; you sir, I hate you. The director was Mark Tonderai, outside of television, I think this is the first movie he has done, makes sense. This film wasn't good by any means, but at the same time it wasn't terrible either. Now, it not being terrible, could that be stemming from my little celebrity crush? Maybe, but that doesn't stop this film from drowning with mediocrity and predictability. This movie does itself a disservice by keeping you ten steps ahead of itself. Less then halfway through the movie I had it figured out. The acting wasn't terrible, not at all, the plot was decent and had the potential to be very twisted and interesting. This movie just suffered from bad writing, bad directing, and poor execution. And ladies, I'm asking you this. Every scary movie I have seen, there is always a noise, a dark corridor, or a locked door that you MUST check out...why? Of course if you didn't it would stop the story in it's tracks, but it doesn't make sense and it pisses me off. Jennifer, you can do so much better then this pile of crap. I understand you are still new and finding your style, but you can do better. I give HATES a 1 1/2 out of 4. Call me!

Resident Evil: Retribution - Good luck with that

Hello! I was on a hiatus, well, sort of. I just didn't see anything really worth reviewing. Total Recall, 1 1/2, it was boring and a little stupid. Expendables 2, a 3, but I just didn't give a shit enough to review that movie. Bourne...I fell asleep, then it ended. The Possession, a 2, wasn't bad, wasn't good, didn't care. The Words, a 4, I regret not reviewing this movie, it was beautiful. For all the people who come up to me and ask, "hey, whats taking so long with your book?" You may mean well, you might be mocking me. But if you are really curious, this movie might give you an idea of what it's like. If your mocking me, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW? So why pick Resident Evil to jump back on this wagon to please the fan or two I may have? I have no fucking idea. This movie stinks! And I mean stinks, like the kind of stink where you walk into a public bathroom and there is a four hundred pound man shitting so loud it sounds like he's summoning Bahamut. Let's start with the beginning. This movie hits so many dead ends in the plot and story in the first twenty minutes it was ridiculous. The story stopped dead in its tracks every five minutes it seemed. It was like teaching a woman to drive a stick shift or something. The acting was laughable at best. The stars of this film were Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, and Michelle Rodriguez. The Captain of this sinking ship is Paul W.S. Anderson. The CG...this movie was 90% CG, and it was terrible. You think you would want to have good consistent CG if you're going to use so much. This movie felt like nothing more than filler, lots and lots of filler, to close the gaps that was created by the last film. They did not end this franchise, there will be another. They said this was the last one, but apparently that's not true. Fuck! This film, I can't even recommend to the fanboys, or those loyal to the franchise. This dead horse has been beaten, leave it be. If you, Hollywood, are going to end this, please make this last movie, it. In my personal opinion, the only redeeming thing about this movie is Sienna Guillory. She was in both Resident Evils Afterlife, and Apocalypse. This woman is gorgeous, and very easy on the eyes; that's all. I give Resident Evil: Retribution a 1 out of 4. If this is something you must see, wait until it comes on television. If then, find something that will keep you busy, you won't need to pay much attention. 

Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises - It's not what's beneath, but what we do that defines us

I'm here to write a review and talk about movies. But I would like to take a second and say that my heart goes out to those involved in the shooting in Colorado. I am truly sorry for your losses.

I went and saw all three Batman films last night done by Christopher Nolan. Let's start off at the very beginning. Let's wind the clocks back to 1995 with Batman Forever...what happened? Did your balls drop off? You ravaged the image of Batman that Tim Burton left in his wake. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin were God awful, soiling the legendary hero's name. Well, Mr. Nolan, you have changed things, forever, there is no going back. There was a bar set by you, and it is a bar that only you could reach and topple. Batman Begins was directed by Christopher Nolan. This film starred Christian Bale, Micheal Caine, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Morgan Freeman, and Gary Oldman. Batman Begins was filmed in 2005 reigniting the franchise from a greatly needed hibernation. This franchise was rebuilt from the ground up, making  the city of Gotham seem more realistic, easier to relate to. The story of Bruce Wayne and him becoming Batman was much darker. Although, the new story line was welcome, the constant flashbacks and some of them being repeated got annoying. I almost felt spoon-fed his memories, making sure I recall every moment. With Nolan sending the message that Gotham is ready to believe in good, maybe you should believe that not all of your viewers are morons. Every character was integrated with the story naturally making them feel right. I did have issues with Katie Holmes, I guess that's why she wasn't in number two. I did like the villain choice, Scarecrow and Ra's al Ghul were good practice for what's to come. The plot was simplistic, and a lot of superhero movies have done. Let's spray everyone with poisonous gasses, ohhhh scary! It's been done. The acting was great, and it was wonderful to see the caped crusader back in action and done right. I give Batman Begins a 3 1/2 out of 4.

The Dark Knight, do I really need to say anything more? Well some may need some convincing, but I won't blow anything out of proportion. It has been a long time coming, and I have been waiting to review this movie. So, here, we, go. Adding to the cast was Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, and Maggie Gyllenhaal who replaced Katie Holmes. Christopher Nolan had Gotham in his hands now, able to mold this metropolis into what ever he wanted. So he destroyed it. Here he truly tested Batman's limits. He could either die a hero, or live long enough to see himself become the villain. Well we aren't quite there yet. The first ten minutes of this movie absolutely blew me away. Giving you just a taste of the Joker, and leaving you craving more. His psyche, and lack of motive was intriguing, he's kind of like a dog chasing a car, he wouldn't know what to do with it if he actually caught one. Heath actually gave you the sense that what ever doesn't kill you only makes you...stranger. I know there are those who would disagree with me, but the Joker played by Heath, was and still is by far one of the greatest characters/villain in any movie. Heath was a one man wrecking crew in this film. I don't even need to mention the other actors. None-the-less, I shall. The new characters flowed seamlessly with the old characters, giving very few hiccups to the story, if any. The acting was flawless, I don't care what the critics and haters say. The plot was great, twisted, and forced heroes and bystanders alike to question their morals, and how far they are willing to go. The sheer complexity and simplicity of the Joker has made him Batman's true nemesis. He was named the greatest villain of all time; just for the small sheer fact that he found human suffering absolutely hilarious. This character is off his fucking rocker, but I am insanely jealous that he wasn't mine to create. The Dark Knight, this was the movie to beat, and in my eyes still is. By any superhero movie. I give The Dark Knight a 5 out of 4. Another Unicorn, with one little issue. That stupid wall ride with the motorcycle...ew.

What are they saying? What does it mean? ...Rise. You, you were Gotham's reckoning. The deal was already sealed with the last film. How do you conquer such a mountain? You rise. The Dark Knight Rises is the supposed last film in the Nolan franchise. New to the cast was Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway, and Marion Cotillard. Taking the mantel of head villain in this movie was Bane. From my knowledge Bane wasn't a very solid mastermind, or lead bad guy for that matter. Before and after seeing the film I believe that he wasn't the right choice to end this franchise on. This was to end all Batmans, so lets shove a little brute force down their throats. Sorry, I might be a brute, but I like my villainy to be deep and meaningful. The plot was lacking, and felt a little repetitive, making me care very little about the problems Gotham was facing. Bane's entrance in the film seemed forced and a little stupid to me. His dialogue and the way he spoke was also annoying. But, out of all the Bane that was brought upon us, I felt very real tension, and great build up all the way to the end of the film. There was very serious calamity about to hit Gotham, and the air thickened as the films time progressed. Outside of the suite, even Bruce Wayne felt the force of Bane's assault, leaving the situation very grim. Excluding Bane, the other characters made themselves right at home within the Batman family, as if they had been there this whole time. Among them, a star, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, what was your full name again? This boy did well beyond my expectations, as he always has. This movie wasn't bad, it had very big shoes to fill, almost impossible expectations to reach. Other reviews claim that this was the greatest film of the franchise, that it shattered any and all expectations, I must disagree. I can't compare and judge this film to its predecessors, it wouldn't be fair. The Dark Knight Rises, was a good film but I do not believe it had risen to my expectations. I give The Dark Knight Rises a 3 out of 4. Fear is why you fail, but it is darkest just before the dawn, and I believe it will not end on this note.

 

Ice Age: Continental Drift - No matter what, you never leave a friend behind

HA! Well I have yet to experience that quality in another human outside immediate family. But I assume that's my fault. So Ice Age, again, I can't believe they made a fourth, and continued to add to the cast. Well I will stick to the main cast if you don't already know. This film stars Ray Romano, Denis Leary, and John Leguizamo. The directors are Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier. I really liked the first Ice Age, maybe that's what keeps me coming back, or its that fucking rat. There wasn't a real story that I cared about in this fourth installment, just separation anxiety. The only real scenes that I looked forward to and laughed about were the ones with Skrat. I paid fifteen bucks to watch an animal that acts like my sisters retarded dog... But any who, there were no real jumps made with the animation, lackluster story, and they tried way to hard with the jokes. The introduction to the new characters felt a little forced. And the integration with the personalities of the moronic generations that have appeared after me was insufferable. "Hey that landslide was EPIC!" " I know right?" Was it? Was it fucking 'Epic'? God, Hollywood, please please leave that shit in the fucking dumpster where it belongs. Back to the story. If the preceding films had any kind of connection this would be a neat little franchise. But they don't, leaving the movies a jumbled mess of forced laughter and a squeamish sloth. Unfortunately I see more Ice Age movies in the future, hopefully leading to a conclusion. I give Ice Age: Continental Drift a 1 1/2 out of 4. The end is near, and things are at their bleakest. But even at the finish there is a light, even at the end of the world.

The Amazing Spider-man - Do you have any idea what you really are?

And they say that hero can save us, I'm not...wait, wrong movie. Sorry about that. Spider-Man, what can I say, Amazing, Spectacular, Fantastic, Ultimate, all of these describe him funny enough. The stars of The Amazing Spider-Man were Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, and Denis Leary. The director was Marc Webb...Webb, HA! He also did (500) Days of Summer and a slew of musical documentaries. This is the supposed untold story of Peter Parker and what happened with his parents. Well this plot wasn't necessarily tackled as much as it probably should have. There was a major diversion, but this diversion was nice and very welcoming. I had a smile on my face the entire time this movie was playing. It wasn't the exact story that I know, but it was still Fantastic. Andrew Garfield captured Peter Parker/Spider-Man almost perfectly, his action stunts and comedic taunts didn't miss a beat, and outside the costume he played the distant and nerdy boy with Amazing accuracy. The story was fun, the actors did very well, and the best part was that the spider costume wasn't always in CG like the last batch of fuck ups. With all of this going for it, hopefully this franchise can prove to be as Spectacular as it promises to be. I hated the idea of another Spider-Man, starting the story over, reintroducing the characters. It all seemed stupid. But I was wrong, thankfully I was very wrong. This was refreshing, with the last Spider-Man fiasco this was needed, redemption was sorely needed after Tobey FuckHead Maguire drug the Spider-Man name through the mud. As the franchise continues I hope that the ball isn't dropped and this becomes the Ultimate Spider-Man that our movie world needs. In the Marvel universe there are Gods, Titans, creatures that can swallow worlds whole, there are villains that command worlds of armies, heavy hitting hero's, The Avengers, X-men, I can go on and on. It is said by his peers, his enemies, and his readers, and now I will say it. Spider-Man is truly the greatest hero of all time, and I believe this movie captured a little bit of that. Despite the plot disruption, I give The Amazing Spider-Man a 4 out of 4. With good people there comes the ability to help others who need it. With good, comes the moral responsibility to do so. 

Ted - Because thunder is just God farts

I think at one point in our childhoods most of us thought it would be neat if our toys came to life. Again most of us meaning the ones with imaginations...or just lonely. Eh either way. Well Ted is the answer to every child seeking a best friend in an inanimate object. Ted starred Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and Seth MacFarlane. The Director was Seth MacFarlane, this was his first movie, and for those of you that don't own a television or hate cartoons he did Family Guy, American Dad, and Cleveland Show. Ted takes the tale of a boy wishing for his stuffed teddy bear to life and stretching out into his adulthood. Skepticism hit me at first with this idea, and I was worried considering that this was the first live action film MacFarlane has done. With some relief I can say you may set any thoughts of doubt. Ted was a very funny movie...most of the time. Some spots it felt it was trying way to hard to reach our for laughs. The acting was fine, Ted's voice sounded a bit too much like Peter Griffin to me. The majority of the voice actors from Family Guy had roles in the film, which I wasn't very amused with. Ted's story and plot were predictable. Even the ending was upsetting to me, I guess people can't think and need to just be entertained. Oh well. I'm gonna keep this short. I give Family Guy, uh I mean Ted a 3 out of 4. All this movie is is Family Guy with an R rating. Lucky for Ted I enjoy most Family Guy.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Real power doesn't come from hatred, but from truth

Freedom and equal rights for all men comes at a price, and that price is blood. The blood of the damned that is. So I saw this films poster about seven months ago and it made me snicker thinking you have got to be fucking kidding me. As time went on people told me the book was good and that sparked my interest just enough to want to see it so I could just review it. The stars of this film were Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, and Anthony Mackie. The director was Timur Bekmambetov who also did Wanted and Night Watch. If you get a chance check out Night Watch, it's a foreign independent film, totally awesome.  No expectations, no judgement, I went to just be entertained. Let me tell you I was not disappointed on the entertainment factor. Some of the scenes were a bit silly but I was able to forgive that. I enjoyed how this fictitious story was integrated with actual history. The acting from the vampires was lacking but everyone else  didn't do a bad job. The plot was, well history with vampires. This film may not be worth a watch in the theaters but it is a very good rent. I give Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter a 3 out of 4. I gave it a high score sheer out of how surprised I was at how bad it didn't suck.

Brave - mend the bond that pride severed

I bet you think this songs about you, don't you, don't you? Well if you could change your fate would you? Change my fate, change my fate, change my fate. Blah blah blah. I get it your a spoiled, scared little kid. The main character was annoying as you can tell, BUT very lovable as well, but we will get to that. The stars of Brave were Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, and Emma Thompson. The directors are Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, and Steve Purcell. Brave was one of those films that gave you very little to go off of when the trailers came out. The only thing it went on about was CHANGE YOUR FATE! So I went into this movie knowing very little about the plot. Well I will enlighten you a bit. It's a mother daughter quarrel gone south and the daughter will go to great lengths to get her way. Besides the plot that sort of bugged me I loved absolutely everything about this movie. I smiled at everything, the characters were hilarious, giving themselves purpose and help to move the story along smoothly. But the main character made me cringe every time she bitched about absolutely nothing. But on the other side her charisma was nothing less than charming and was an absolute delight to watch on screen. The animation in this film is among some of the best I have ever seen. It remained like a cartoon, but the shading and the way the light bounced off the objects was amazing. The colors were bright and popped out at you, the water flowed seamlessly. Every strand of hair, every blade of grass was noticeable and well rendered. This movie is for everyone, I loved it and would love to see it again. Brave was well done and will absolutely be added to my collection of movies. I give Brave a 4 out of 4. If you get a chance, see this film, it's worth the money. I didn't see it in 3D, but there is no need.

Rock of Ages - Don't stop believing

What do you want? What do you want? I want rock n' roll. Long live rock n' roll! Rock of Ages, Rock of Ages was a surprise to me. A surprise filled with many curve balls that I did not see coming. Rock of Ages starred Diego Boneta, Jullianne Hough, Alec Baldwin, Russel Brand, and the best for last; Tom Cruise as Stacee FUCKING Jaxx! (Crowd goes wild) Okay just joking. The director was Adam Shankman who also did Hairspray and The Pacifier...not much background, but we will see. The biggest curve ball was Tom Cruise. This man stole the show, I have seen actors relaxed on camera but there was always that tension of still being on camera. Cruise was the relaxed, carefree Rock God that he set out to play, it was like he was doing it for years. His attitude, his tattoos, the attire, it was amazing. And to put icing on this cake the man can sing, he did all of the songs himself, as did all of the other actors but we will get to that. Tom Cruise, you are a crazy bastard, with some strange beliefs. You were never a bad actor in my eyes, and I thought with Tropic Thunder it was just a fluke. But you sir, are a master at your craft, and my hats off to you. Now to the  rest. The songs were great as always, which makes me think why doesn't Hollywood utilize rock or metal in their movies. It always seems to drift to rap or pop or some other garbage that people will eventually shoot themselves to when they have heard it too much. But lets get down to business, Julianne and Diego's story I could care less about. There singing was well done, more Diego than Hough. But their little love story I did not care about. It was all a sideshow act to what I really wanted to see. Baldwin and Brand were funny and a great little add on to the story, their "chemistry" on the screen was smooth and entertaining. After around the middle of the movie when the plot was hitting its point I started to get bored. Hough and Diego took over and I basically started to fall asleep, that and I was up for twenty four hours. But they were boring, I have no other way to really put it. Without Tom Cruise in this movie it would have been awful. Like the plot in this movie Tom Cruise/Stacee Jaxx saved this film. I don't like musicals, I have two exceptions though, Across the Universe and Sweeny Todd. I am happy to say I have a third now. I give Rock of Ages a 2 out of 4. If you go, Tom Cruise will not disappoint.

Prometheus - It's not how bad it hurts, it's how you deal with it

God, that word alone can generate a very deep subject. Conjure hatred and uncertainty among friends even. Well Prometheus is asking this question, THEE question and isn't what they are claiming it to be. They are promoting...over promoting Prometheus to be the prequel to Alien. Well they both succeed and fail at this. This film is trying to be two things at once. In one direction this film does a great job at shoving faith and God down your throat. Trying to ask the questions why we are here? Who are our makers? Where did we come from? Regardless of what happens should I still have faith in God? So on and so on. But in the other direction there is Darwinism basically being jerked off into your eye showing the evolution of how "Alien" came to be. Trying to do my best not to spoil but lets be honest "Big things have small beginnings." And every species has a beginning, and we all saw this coming. Did my best not to pun Darwin but whatever. Prometheus was directed by Ridley Scott, who also did Alien, Blade Runner, the list does go on but you can see it gradually turn to shit. The stars of this film are Noomi Rapace, Micheal Fassbender, and Charlize Theron. Well lets stop right there. The characters have little or no development. Noomi Rapace and Micheal Fassbender were the only characters that had any real purpose or meaning. The rest of the cast may as well not have been there and I honestly wouldn't have noticed. At one point I forgot Charlize Theron was even in the movie. Prometheus was a jumbled mess, trying to be too many things at one time. Constantly regurgitating the meaning of life and the importance of faith in god, and trying to squeeze in the Alien franchise as a byproduct. Using just one of these topics would have given the movie more life and more to focus on. But on the plus side I am a fan of the Alien franchise and it was nice seeing SOME origins, not the origin I would have liked but I have no say in someone else's rushed money making vision. Also the visuals were quite stunning up until the very end. I really don't know how to recommend this movie. Would this offend religious people? Possibly, but if they can't seem to decipher between fantasy and reality and enjoy a story then that's their fucking problem. I'm sorry but people piss me off when everything offends them and their faith. It's a fucking movie, get over it! Sorry... I give Prometheus a 2 out of 4. If you need to see it, then see it, just don't go into it thinking its a prequel to Alien. If you do so then this movie may come out decent for you. I apologize for the rant, I heard people complaining about this movie offending them in a religious way, and it bothered me.

Snow White and the Huntsman - You have eyes but you do not see

Destiny is a funny thing. Some people are born with it, knowing what it is and what is waiting for them. Others have it thrown into their faces, not ready for it but it's there smiling at them. Few stumble upon it on accident, having it change their lives for better or worse. Then there are the rest of us, completely oblivious to it. Destiny could pass us by, it could even stop and wave and we will never know. Snow White was born with her destiny, being fairest of them all. Envious of her beauty, Ravenna, her step mother kept her locked up in a tower after the siege of her fathers castle. Starring in this movie is Kristin Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, and Charlize Theron. The director is Rupert Sanders, and as far as I know I think this is the only movie he has directed. Snow White has been claimed to be one of the summers most anticipated epics. I will admit when I first saw the trailer last summer, I laughed at how ridiculous the idea was. Even more so at Kristin Stewart. I actually believe I saw the trailer at the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn. Over time I warmed up to the idea though. Snow White and the Huntsman is a very dark version of the tale. There is no whistle while you work, no Prince charming. Just a gritty tale of seduction, murder, greed, and war. I like it already. Lets start out with the acting. I got to say I was very surprised at how well everyone did. Hemsworth's accent and his drunkard ways were very convincing. The transformation of his character was rather quick, but none-the-less the character was satisfying. Charlize Theron, what can I say, she put on one hell of a show. I was expecting to rant about her whispering all of her lines, but that was just preview nonsense. She did an excellent job being an obnoxious, stuck up, man hating bitch. Something I did question was the almost incestuous relationship she had with her brother in the film. It was a bit creepy for my taste. Even the seven dwarfs were a joy to watch. Some of the actors were easily recognizable, a few to name were Bob Hoskins, Nick Frost, and Ian McShane. The thorn in this movies side was obviously Kristin Stewart, her acting was awful. Every line felt like she was suffocating, each line was spoken so quickly with uncertainty. She even did the whole brushing her hair out of her face thing she always does in every movie shes in. The only line that she did well was her speech at the end of the movie. To little to late. She fell into her character too late into the movie to seek any kind of redemption. I don't know if anyone can do a better job than her, but her acting needs some serious fine tuning. The next thing I want to dive into is the CG. Holy Crap! It was amazing, and it should have been, considering that five different companies dealing with CG worked on the movie. This movie set the standard when it comes to graphics, I can't put into words how impressed I was with it. I can only hope some day that my work could get such attention. This was a good movie, I recommend every bit of it, minus Stewart. I give Snow White and the Huntsman a 3 1/2 out of 4. Now I wonder if something even more grand is in the mix. It started with Alice in Wonderland. And now I hear rumors of other Princess movies getting serious remakes. Are they running out of ideas? Or is there something greater on the horizon?    

Chernobyl Diaries - It is totally safe, I promise

Well I wasn't expecting much going into this film. But that didn't really save this movie. This film starred Johnathan Sadowski, Jesse McCartney, and Devin Kelley. The Director was Bradley Parker, who isn't known for anything else. The film starts off with six tourists heading off with an extreme tour guide to go see the ghost town of Pripyat, the town where the workers at Chernobyl commuted from. Now I had the feeling, no no how about hope that this was a ghost story. But unfortunately the Director took the Hills Have Eyes approach, with minor tweaks to the antagonists. Now how do I judge the acting when all I saw these people do was run and scream and yell obscenities. People screamed at these mutants that you don't really get to see. So the acting was mediocre? I guess? I actually really really like the idea of a horror story in Chernobyl, the story behind the place and its history is very intriguing. In my opinion the story was tackled all wrong. At one point I thought the survival from the rabid and mutated wildlife was more eye catching then the "people". I had a hard time finding the movie scary or entertaining. With the exception of one thing, kids, creepy little children walking around and laughing in the shadows...Fuck That! Scares the crap out of me... The film started off as if it were being shot in a found footage style, I'm a little thankful it wasn't. I loved the location, I loved how dark and creepy it was, everything else was absolutely boring. I don't recommend this movie at all, if you must, red box it. I give Chernobyl Diaries a 1 1/2 out of 4. The half is for the location. I hope this film gets redeemed in some way. I would love to see a real horror story done in Chernobyl.

Men In Black 3 - What happened to you?

So it has been fifteen years since the first Men in Black. Man I feel old... But the sequels feel very scattered. And did we really need a second or even a third? Don't get me wrong, I loved the first MIB film; a bit short for my taste, but sweet none-the-less. And it makes me happy to see these characters again. The rolls were once again reprized by Will Smith, and Tommy Lee Jones. They were joined in this film by Josh Brolin and Jemaine Clement. The plot consists of Agent J traveling back in time to 1969 to save his partner K from being assassinated. This did not feel like a Men in Black film, neither did the second one but who's counting. There were funny parts, some of it was quite funny. But the story felt bland. And toward the end they kept on pushing and pushing the plot twist. I get it, its going to happen, quite shoving it in my face. If you think that your audience's imaginations are so lackluster then don't have a twist. Most good movies make their twists a surprise. But whatever I'm not a director, you obviously know what you're doing. That's why you are there and I am here. But I don't need to ingeminate my complaints. The acting was fine, the played their roles as well as in their previous films. Brolin did an exceptional job mimicking Jones. I guess my only real problem was the dry story, other then that it wasn't that bad. I give Men in Black 3 a 2 out of 4. Cheesy, dry, and slightly funny. This is only for the fans.

Cabin in the Woods

Giving a small review of Cabin in the woods. This movie starred Kristen Connoly, Chris Hemsworth, and Anna Hutchison. The Director was Drew Goddard. This movie was fun and cheesy in the corniest way possible. It is in no way scary. But it was the face of every horror movie you had ever seen. I never thought I would like this movie but it is a definite must see. This review is a bit late but if you can find it in theaters give it a chance. The only real issue I had was the ending. Cabin in the Woods gets a 3 1/2 out of 4. I wish I had reviewed this movie when it first came out to give it the proper attention it deserves.  

Battleship - Insert famous line here

Ahahahahahahahaha. What the hell was that? I mean seriously! Well this movie starred Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, and Liam Neeson. Why in the hell is this movie doing well over seas? Battleship was a joke. This thing was filled with bad acting, horrible story, plot holes, and ONE LINERS EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES! Peter Berg directed this monstrosity, he also is known for Friday Night Lights. If these aliens actually fought rather than did some stupid turn based combat bullshit, they would have won without contest. But it wouldn't have been Battleship if it wasn't turn based. What ever... Even the aliens rounds looked like the damn pieces that you put in your ship when you got hit. There was a point in this movie where I actually shouted Eww. Liam Neeson, I have a lot of respect for you as an actor. But you sir are a whore. The only thing that made this movie bearable was the action. This movie isn't worth anymore of my time. If you want a good laugh catch it on basic cable. Battleship gets a 1 out of 4. I had a lot of military jokes and points of views I wanted to share. But since I have friends that are serving I will hold my tongue.  

Dark Shadows - To love is to never have to say you're sorry

Dark Shadows...well I got to say I didn't really know what to think when I first saw this movie. Yeah its a film directed by Tim Burton. And so surprise surprise who is to star in it? Yes Johnny Depp along with his sidekick Helena Bonham Carter, seriously these two actors are inseparable. The other characters were played by Michelle Pfeiffer, and Eva Green. If I'm not mistaken I believe there was a T.V. series before this, it aired in 1966. The story is about Barnabas Collins, a man turned into a vampire by jealous witch who cannot obtain his affections. The witch traps Barnabas in a coffin only to be released two hundred years later in 1971. I'm sorry to all those who are Johnny Depp fans, but this guy has a very shallow pool of talent to tap in to. Yeah, he's handsome for his age but that really doesn't mean a thing. I saw a combination of the Demon Barber, and a Sparrow, a mixture of dark and quirky. It wasn't a bad thing and I did find myself laughing. I just expect more from a seasoned actor. This movie was funny...at times, though some of the way I found myself getting bored. The minor twists that come along with the plot arrive way too late. And then it kind of leaves you pondering who really has nothing better to do than to torment others their whole life. But then again that's just me being nit picky again. I know a thing or two about grudges and how deep they can run. Then there is Michelle Pfeiffer, what was the last movie she was in? Anybody? Can anyone honestly remember the last movie this chick was in without looking it up? Well I can't, I didn't even recognize her until I saw her name in the credits. She felt like she was over acting, maybe like she had something to prove. She wasn't very convincing to me. Then there is the little girl from Kick Ass, which they are making a sequel to and I'm freaking excited for it...but I digress. Do they give these kids growth hormones or something? Oh well, the acting was mediocre at best. I want to like this movie because Depp and Burton do make a great team, this I won't deny. But there is too much holding it back for me to completely enjoy it. I give Dark Shadows a 1 1/2 out of 4. Go rent this one guys.

The Avengers - I still believe in heroes

So for a long time I have been waiting for a film based off of a comic book to come and actually feel like a comic book. In a sense. X-Men, Spiderman, Fantastic Four, have all failed to do this. And don't get me wrong, I liked X-Men...sort of, and Spiderman. I absolutely hated Fantastic Four. But The Avengers, I was never a follower of their comics like I was X-Men and Spiderman. But I like to find myself a believer now. The Avengers was five movies in the making. Some serious thought was put into this. And let me tell you it did not disappoint. The Avengers starred Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, and Jeremy Renner. The Director was Joss Whedon who also worked on Toy Story, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Serenity. The Avengers was a fun movie. The chemistry between the cast of characters all meshed quite well. There were even good elements of comedy, both strategically and poorly placed. Hell I even smell a sitcom with Hulk and Thor. But Ironman/Robert Downey Jr., in my eyes stole the show. His humor and wittiness was only matched by his characters genius. Captain America was too soft spoken to be the leader of that group, he wasn't the Cap that I had read about. With Captain America comes the responsibility of being the baddest hero in the Marvel universe. He is the answer to Superman. Chris Evans, I don't believe was able to fill those shoes properly. The story in this movie was decent, the villains weren't very threatening though. This was the only thing that I found to be poor, there was no sense of urgency. A group of titans such as The Avengers would have very little difficulty with weak opponents. And I understand that this was the movie that brings them together so you got to start out small. But still the single greatest threat in the movie came from the good guys. Maybe I'm just being nit-picky. You aren't hopelessly outgunned. But none-the-less this was still a very good movie. I geeked out every second of it. I give The Avengers a 3 1/2 out of 4. If you get a chance stay after both sets of credits. This was by far the best Comic book movie yet. Enjoy everyone, give your eyes a break.       

The Hunger Games - May the odds ever be in your favor

So I have literally been ranting and raving about this series, encouraging everyone I could to read it. I couldn't get enough of the world Suzanne Collins had built. I have lost sleep because of this thing. What encouraged me to read it was the movie preview I had scene a month prior to the release. From the first page I was instantly in love, I finished the first book in two days. That's a record for me. I'm kind of a slow reader. But enough of my praise for the book. The Hunger Games starred Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, and Woody Harrelson. The director was Gary Ross who also worked on Seabiscuit, Pleasentville, and Big. There's some variety here, and by his resume something like the Hunger Games is a new ballpark for him. I went into this movie already have built it up to unreachable heights. But I also wanted to treat it as a separate entity from the book. Everyone pictures the books they read differently in their own way. So I knew the director would never be able to capture my version. But I was certain I had nothing to fear. The story of The Hunger Games is a post apocalyptic world being divided into twelve districts and the Capitol. Every year each district offers one male and one female between the ages of twelve and eighteen to be sent into an arena to fight to the death until there is only one remaining. To entertain the citizens of the Capitol, and to show the districts their place under the Capitol. The story starts in district twelve with Katniss Everdeen. Now the actors they got to portray these rolls couldn't have been more perfect. Each actor fit the bill so nicely I was amazed not only with the performances but with how little if at all I had to force myself to imagine these people as the characters I read about. Not to mention Jennifer Lawrence is gorgeous, but that's neither here nor there. If you have already read the book don't go into the movie comparing the two. The only real issues I had were Lenny Kravitz, this guy sucks. He wasn't bad but I'm sure they could have found better. My other issue was Woody Harrelson, I can't imagine anyone else playing this role, I just wish he were a little more rough around the edges. I loved this movie. I can't recommend it enough. I give The Hunger Games a 3 1/2 out of 4. The book ruined me giving the movie a perfect score. But I don't regret reading it first either. See the movie, read the series. I went to the midnight showing, and now I'm going again. This is my Twilight and I will enjoy every second of this story that has enthralled me so. Now I believe that something new can come into this world, something refreshing, something that isn't regurgitated. Unless you have scene the Japanese film Battle Royale.

John Carter - Is there such a thing as too much?

John Carter, when I first saw you, I truly believed that something new could come into this world. That my eyes would be opened, and I would experience a grand story with new adventures. When I saw you John Carter, I was given hope. Hope that our movie industry wasn't doomed to remakes and regurgitating the same old romantic comedy. Well John Carter, you did and didn't bring anything new to this world. Lucky for you I did some homework. Here is a brief history lesson. John Carter or as titled The Princess of Mars was written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1917. Well that's when it was published. It was written in 1911 and titled Under the Moons of Mars and put into a magazine. It only became popular after the success of Tarzan. From then on John Carter made appearances in several other books and comic books. I got my information from Wikipedia so who knows how accurate it is. And besides You aren't here for a lecture you here for the movie. The actors starring in this movie are Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, and Willem Dafoe. The Director is Andrew Stanton, who also worked on Finding Nemo, Toy Story and basically any Disney Pixar film you come across. Well where do I begin? This film starts off after the Civil War with John Carter, a decorated soldier, avoiding the military in search of gold. Only to have fate send him on a much more grand adventure. But what would define a grand adventure? This story follows the basic D.I.D (damsel in distress) formula. I don't plan on reading the books...all eleven of them. But there is too much story here. From what I got out of the movie this story can expand vastly. And I fear if they choose to continue with it, John Carter will suffer the same fate as The Last Air Bender, Directed by M. Knight Shamalamadipshit. This project is massive. The acting was mediocre to sub par. Lynn Collins was AWFUL! I would rather spend a night trapped in Helen Hunts ass listening to a symphony of bowel movements then see this chick in another movie. The graphics were not the best I have seen. Creatures were very unimaginative, but again this was written in 1911 and how exact it is remains a mystery to me. So to claim I saw a Rancor from Star Wars could be inaccurate and maybe the other way around. Environments were lacking...hell I saw a damn temple that looked like the Millennium Falcon for Christ sake. The story did not catch my attention until the last five minutes. Then it got interesting. I don't believe I can give John Carter a fair score. I put this thing on an unreachable pedestal, my expectations were high. If you call this movie the next Star Wars then you better Fucking wow me. Well I'm sorry to say I don't think it is. Dethroning Star Wars would be an impossible task, even for you John Carter. What I did like about the movie was the Physics. You will understand what I mean when you see it. I give John Carter a 1 1/2 out of 4. Again it's not a fair score and I think I should give it another chance. But don't you dare call it the next Star Wars. If anything Star Wars was the next John Carter if you think about it.