Chernobyl Diaries - It is totally safe, I promise

Well I wasn't expecting much going into this film. But that didn't really save this movie. This film starred Johnathan Sadowski, Jesse McCartney, and Devin Kelley. The Director was Bradley Parker, who isn't known for anything else. The film starts off with six tourists heading off with an extreme tour guide to go see the ghost town of Pripyat, the town where the workers at Chernobyl commuted from. Now I had the feeling, no no how about hope that this was a ghost story. But unfortunately the Director took the Hills Have Eyes approach, with minor tweaks to the antagonists. Now how do I judge the acting when all I saw these people do was run and scream and yell obscenities. People screamed at these mutants that you don't really get to see. So the acting was mediocre? I guess? I actually really really like the idea of a horror story in Chernobyl, the story behind the place and its history is very intriguing. In my opinion the story was tackled all wrong. At one point I thought the survival from the rabid and mutated wildlife was more eye catching then the "people". I had a hard time finding the movie scary or entertaining. With the exception of one thing, kids, creepy little children walking around and laughing in the shadows...Fuck That! Scares the crap out of me... The film started off as if it were being shot in a found footage style, I'm a little thankful it wasn't. I loved the location, I loved how dark and creepy it was, everything else was absolutely boring. I don't recommend this movie at all, if you must, red box it. I give Chernobyl Diaries a 1 1/2 out of 4. The half is for the location. I hope this film gets redeemed in some way. I would love to see a real horror story done in Chernobyl.

Men In Black 3 - What happened to you?

So it has been fifteen years since the first Men in Black. Man I feel old... But the sequels feel very scattered. And did we really need a second or even a third? Don't get me wrong, I loved the first MIB film; a bit short for my taste, but sweet none-the-less. And it makes me happy to see these characters again. The rolls were once again reprized by Will Smith, and Tommy Lee Jones. They were joined in this film by Josh Brolin and Jemaine Clement. The plot consists of Agent J traveling back in time to 1969 to save his partner K from being assassinated. This did not feel like a Men in Black film, neither did the second one but who's counting. There were funny parts, some of it was quite funny. But the story felt bland. And toward the end they kept on pushing and pushing the plot twist. I get it, its going to happen, quite shoving it in my face. If you think that your audience's imaginations are so lackluster then don't have a twist. Most good movies make their twists a surprise. But whatever I'm not a director, you obviously know what you're doing. That's why you are there and I am here. But I don't need to ingeminate my complaints. The acting was fine, the played their roles as well as in their previous films. Brolin did an exceptional job mimicking Jones. I guess my only real problem was the dry story, other then that it wasn't that bad. I give Men in Black 3 a 2 out of 4. Cheesy, dry, and slightly funny. This is only for the fans.

Cabin in the Woods

Giving a small review of Cabin in the woods. This movie starred Kristen Connoly, Chris Hemsworth, and Anna Hutchison. The Director was Drew Goddard. This movie was fun and cheesy in the corniest way possible. It is in no way scary. But it was the face of every horror movie you had ever seen. I never thought I would like this movie but it is a definite must see. This review is a bit late but if you can find it in theaters give it a chance. The only real issue I had was the ending. Cabin in the Woods gets a 3 1/2 out of 4. I wish I had reviewed this movie when it first came out to give it the proper attention it deserves.  

Battleship - Insert famous line here

Ahahahahahahahaha. What the hell was that? I mean seriously! Well this movie starred Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, and Liam Neeson. Why in the hell is this movie doing well over seas? Battleship was a joke. This thing was filled with bad acting, horrible story, plot holes, and ONE LINERS EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES! Peter Berg directed this monstrosity, he also is known for Friday Night Lights. If these aliens actually fought rather than did some stupid turn based combat bullshit, they would have won without contest. But it wouldn't have been Battleship if it wasn't turn based. What ever... Even the aliens rounds looked like the damn pieces that you put in your ship when you got hit. There was a point in this movie where I actually shouted Eww. Liam Neeson, I have a lot of respect for you as an actor. But you sir are a whore. The only thing that made this movie bearable was the action. This movie isn't worth anymore of my time. If you want a good laugh catch it on basic cable. Battleship gets a 1 out of 4. I had a lot of military jokes and points of views I wanted to share. But since I have friends that are serving I will hold my tongue.  

Dark Shadows - To love is to never have to say you're sorry

Dark Shadows...well I got to say I didn't really know what to think when I first saw this movie. Yeah its a film directed by Tim Burton. And so surprise surprise who is to star in it? Yes Johnny Depp along with his sidekick Helena Bonham Carter, seriously these two actors are inseparable. The other characters were played by Michelle Pfeiffer, and Eva Green. If I'm not mistaken I believe there was a T.V. series before this, it aired in 1966. The story is about Barnabas Collins, a man turned into a vampire by jealous witch who cannot obtain his affections. The witch traps Barnabas in a coffin only to be released two hundred years later in 1971. I'm sorry to all those who are Johnny Depp fans, but this guy has a very shallow pool of talent to tap in to. Yeah, he's handsome for his age but that really doesn't mean a thing. I saw a combination of the Demon Barber, and a Sparrow, a mixture of dark and quirky. It wasn't a bad thing and I did find myself laughing. I just expect more from a seasoned actor. This movie was funny...at times, though some of the way I found myself getting bored. The minor twists that come along with the plot arrive way too late. And then it kind of leaves you pondering who really has nothing better to do than to torment others their whole life. But then again that's just me being nit picky again. I know a thing or two about grudges and how deep they can run. Then there is Michelle Pfeiffer, what was the last movie she was in? Anybody? Can anyone honestly remember the last movie this chick was in without looking it up? Well I can't, I didn't even recognize her until I saw her name in the credits. She felt like she was over acting, maybe like she had something to prove. She wasn't very convincing to me. Then there is the little girl from Kick Ass, which they are making a sequel to and I'm freaking excited for it...but I digress. Do they give these kids growth hormones or something? Oh well, the acting was mediocre at best. I want to like this movie because Depp and Burton do make a great team, this I won't deny. But there is too much holding it back for me to completely enjoy it. I give Dark Shadows a 1 1/2 out of 4. Go rent this one guys.

The Avengers - I still believe in heroes

So for a long time I have been waiting for a film based off of a comic book to come and actually feel like a comic book. In a sense. X-Men, Spiderman, Fantastic Four, have all failed to do this. And don't get me wrong, I liked X-Men...sort of, and Spiderman. I absolutely hated Fantastic Four. But The Avengers, I was never a follower of their comics like I was X-Men and Spiderman. But I like to find myself a believer now. The Avengers was five movies in the making. Some serious thought was put into this. And let me tell you it did not disappoint. The Avengers starred Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, and Jeremy Renner. The Director was Joss Whedon who also worked on Toy Story, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Serenity. The Avengers was a fun movie. The chemistry between the cast of characters all meshed quite well. There were even good elements of comedy, both strategically and poorly placed. Hell I even smell a sitcom with Hulk and Thor. But Ironman/Robert Downey Jr., in my eyes stole the show. His humor and wittiness was only matched by his characters genius. Captain America was too soft spoken to be the leader of that group, he wasn't the Cap that I had read about. With Captain America comes the responsibility of being the baddest hero in the Marvel universe. He is the answer to Superman. Chris Evans, I don't believe was able to fill those shoes properly. The story in this movie was decent, the villains weren't very threatening though. This was the only thing that I found to be poor, there was no sense of urgency. A group of titans such as The Avengers would have very little difficulty with weak opponents. And I understand that this was the movie that brings them together so you got to start out small. But still the single greatest threat in the movie came from the good guys. Maybe I'm just being nit-picky. You aren't hopelessly outgunned. But none-the-less this was still a very good movie. I geeked out every second of it. I give The Avengers a 3 1/2 out of 4. If you get a chance stay after both sets of credits. This was by far the best Comic book movie yet. Enjoy everyone, give your eyes a break.