Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, all that glitters is stupid

This review is a unique one, I went to a marathon (unwillingly) of all three twilight movies at the theatre. And I shall take a little time to dig once again and get a little personal with all of you. To put it simply I have seen this story before, I have reenacted this story long before it ever became famous. There was this girl That I worked with not too long ago, 3-4 years ago I think. Pale, light brown hair, gothic, nice but slightly dark. She had a boyfriend who she had been seeing years before I had even met her. But spent everyday together and eventually she said she loved me...how much she would never admit to me but said she only made time for her boyfriend and myself (which was probably a lie.) But none the less it was a struggle for her attention that ultimately ended up in heartbreak for myself. I have seen this story before and in the end its kinda lame. I have never reviewed any of these movies so here goes nothing. Twilight is a story of a stupid girl whom develops a taste for the dead and tormenting and using the beast that obsesses over her. Kristin Stewart (Bella) is one of the worst actresses I have ever seen, its actually up in the air between her and Megan Fox. But every line that came out of her mouth proved how bad she was. Robert Pattinson wasn't that much better. I spent quite a large portion of the scenes Robert and Kristin shared laughing. Twilight starts off with a girl moving to a town that I'm sure has no shortage of...Forks n.n She sees one of the gayest looking guys I have ever seen and this childish love hate, obsess and neglect relationship starts. No real plot that I could make out until other vampires show up and for some reason wont stop for anything to suck her blood. Which the plot was quite easily resolved, and there was just no real purpose for it. The struggle developing a relationship between a human and vampire would have been plot enough. I give it 1 1/2 out of 4 this movie required different actors.
New Moon is a slight improvement to its predecessor, and I mean SLIGHT, the only reason I liked it better was that Robert Pattinson was in the movie for maybe ten to twenty minutes (Thank God). Taylor Lautner is by far the superior actor to his other costars, and other then the fact that everyone cheered when he took off his shirt, I just enjoyed his character better then the for mentioned (Edward). Maybe for reasons that I felt I could connect better with him then the tall vampire that looks like he stuck a fork in a wall outlet or something. New Moon start with Bella, whom still had terrible acting, having a birthday party at the Cullins house. Edwards vampire family throw a party for her and Bella cuts her finger on the wrapping paper and everything goes to hell. The vamp family has to leave Forks and Edward breaks it off with Bella which turns her into an emo then dilusional adrenalin junky that has night terrors and screams in her sleep. Which I found myself laughing even harder with each night terror scene. So she goes and runs to Jacob (Taylor Lautner) and uses him to make the pain of her loss go away, but never truly gives herself to him. Again no real plot until the end of the movie after Jacob becomes a wolf and Bella runs off to Spain to save Edward from doing all of us a favor and ending this saga quickly. I give this movie 2 out of 4 just for the sheer reason that Lautner is better than Pattinson. (Go team Jacob)
Eclipse is where the actors have started to show that they have gotten their roles down. There were noticeable improvements in the actors abilities...with the exception of Pattinison, whom still sucked horribly. I did enjoy seeing the two males in this movie argue over her, it was quite humorous. And to hear about the history of the wolves was somewhat interesting, and to find that much detail in a story that is some womans wet dream of making two guys suffer over her and manage to claim them both. I really can't find much joy in watching these movies for it is quite degrading to men. Eclipse starts off with Bella and Edward talking about marriage and her turning into a vamp. Veronica a vampire from the first movie and makes a brief appearance in the second, goes after Bella because the Cullins killed her mate. Raises an army of "New Borns" which are vamps who are first bitten, to go after them for vengeance. Nothing very exciting about this movie, I was told there was humor to it and the audience did laugh...except for me. I laughed at more inappropriate moments. And at movies end I hear in the audience behind me "They definatly left it open for a fourth." No kidding...its a four part saga the last book/movie is called Breaking Dawn. I hate this crap and I even knew that... I give this movie 2 1/2 out of 4 the acting was better, but the story is still lame. If these vampires didn't "glisten" and all look like they prefer sexual encounters with others of the male species then this saga could actually be good. Oh and also better actors.

Knight and Day, I was happily annoyed

This review is on Knight and Day, coming into this movie I felt right off the bat I was going to hate it and be disappointed. Well I was both wrong and right, there were parts that were somewhat enjoyable and others...well not so much. Tom Cruise for once didn't creep me out...OK well he did but I liked it and you can call me weird all you want but I enjoyed his performance. And there's Cameron Diaz -.- this chick annoyed me, and actors are suppose to look young, she looked about 50 and I wasn't the only one who noticed. There were other things that I noticed about her but I was told to keep this "Clean" so out of the respect for the person who made the request I shall make it so. So when Cameron is in a bikini you see something sagging and its not her tits...I'll let you figure it out. But other than the physical complaints about her, the acting from Cameron just wasn't there for me, the best part of the movie was when she was drugged. The plot starts off when man bumps into woman in an airport, then bumps into her again. They sit next to each other on the flight and sparks immediately fly, romance is in the air and both are conscious of it. The woman excuses herself to the restroom then all hell breaks loose when the entire populous of the plane tries to assassinate Cruise. In a sense everyone is killed that isn't Cruise or Diaz (including pilots) O.O When she emerges from the facilities everyone is sitting upright in their seats and the two main characters share a drink before the need arises to land the plane. Cruise is an agent/ex agent protecting sensitive materials while trying to chase around and protect his air headed soon to be sidekick (Diaz). All in all its worth a rent at the redbox, its innocent fun, maybe a first date kinda movie. Couple laughs with some humorous action provided by Mr. Cruise. The plot twists and shifts quite smoothly gliding me into illusions the characters provide to cloud the plot. I'm giving it a 2 out of 4. Replace Cameron Diaz, she was the only bad thing about the movie.

Killers, psycho killers ques que cest fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better...no, no its worse.

This review is on Killers with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigle I think thats her name. This movie was boring, barely capable of holding my attention. Ashton is by no means funny and Heigle seems kind of like a bitch. It seemed that they tried so hard to be funny, and in one or two rare occasions I cracked smile but they were few and far between. I think the three other people that were in the theatre with us were asleep. Not that I blame them, the only reason I stayed awake was for an accurate review. The plot and finish were highly predictable, the "action" was laughable. I'm not even going to bother telling you the beginning or the plot, its not worth my time or yours. Just don't go see this movie. Ladies if you really want to see it I suggest waiting for the redbox because that's all its worth. I give it 1 out of 4 Later y'all I'm gonna go see Karate Kid again.

Karate Kid, better than the original. Way better!

This review is on The Karate Kid, I shall tell you all a little bit about my childhood. When I was two years old I'm told I learned how to use a VCR, and when I discovered the original Karate Kid I played the movie, rewound it when it was finished and watched it again, and again and again. I watched this movie countless times, thus spawning my desire for martial arts, even to this day I still yearn for the knowledge that these masters of this art hold. But enough of that, I re watched the original before seeing the new one and it was quite silly, Ralph Matchio (or how ever you spell it) O.o was kind of hysterical. Pat Morreta is still badass though. This new version was so much better, named improperly should be the Kung Fu Kid...not the same ring to it. But this movie was good, I'm quite surprised to say, I was very skeptical when going to see it. Jayden smith did a very good job acting and doing all of his own stunts so I can only assume that he had to learn some Kung Fu which is impressive in itself. The movie starts with Jayden and his single mom leaving the states for china because of a job transfer. and within the first ten minutes you get your first racial profiling which was quite humorous. The plot starts almost immediately when boy meets girl and a connection was immediately seen in each others eyes. Jealous boy and friends come and kick the shit out of Jayden for speaking to her. So Jayden is running scared for most of the movie avoiding the bullies at all costs. Until Jackie Chan comes to the rescue. If you watched the original you will see the story stays true to the original. With one exception, the Kung Fu looked authentic, I loved every fight scene and the training. I give this movie 3 1/2 out of 4 The acting could still have been a little smoother.

Toy Story 3, everything I expected

This review is on Toy Story 3. This movie is close to perfect if it wasn't so drawn out, but even the drawn out parts were still enjoyable. This movie has re casted all of the original voices, and I personally don't see how they could have made it without them. Woody and the rest of the toys start this movie stuck in a trunk because Andy has grown up and find themselves wanting playtime. Thus starting this semi epic adventure, testing the groups ability to trust each other and stick together. Through threats of separation nothing could break this group apart, allowing the group to see the love for their owner that was once lost. This movie touched the heart, so many dramatic events occurred leaving yourself clenching your armrests. All of the loose ends were tied up leaving no plot holes, and even references to the first two films were made. And if you look hard enough you will see the pizza planet truck. I cant wait to buy this movie, this was a great ending to a great trilogy, please do not ruin it with a fourth. I give this movie 4 out of 4 almost perfect, but gets a perfect score.

The A-Team, there really is no plan B

This review is on The A-Team, I can rarely say this but I was entertained (not bored) through out the entire movie. I have a hard time believing that I wanted more and more of the over the top, impossible action that I had witnessed. But don't get me wrong there were a few drawbacks such as Mr. T not making a cameo, which I highly expected and was disappointed. Another was that Hannibal was right when he said he was unbeatable, which was true and made the story lack any sort of suspense it may have been trying to build. But the comedy over shadowed most of the movies flaws, even though it seemed that they were trying too hard to have fun when making this movie. The plot starts out with four random rangers in Mexico having nothing to do with each other coincidentally bump into each other through a manner of events. Master Qui-gon-jin says in the movie that there is no such thing as coincedence...again...how abut a little diversity -.- Any who these four random men meet in a random location and just so happens creates the worlds most feared and elite military team. Well given the unlikely hood of this Alpha (ahem) A-Team excuse me, seems quite far fetched. But realism shouldn't be a factor if there is any concern for it, if the same cast returns I would be happy to see a sequel, needed or not. I would like to see this movie again, and I'd probably buy it. 3 out of 4.

Brothers, a worst case scenario

This DVD review is on Brothers with Tobey McGuire, and Jake Gyllenhall. This movie was decent, I was never bored even though the movie carried on without it ever really going anywhere. Lots of drama in this flick as it starts out with Tobey getting ready to ship out to Iraq or where ever just as Jake gets released from prison. This movie was quite linear and never strayed from the beaten path that movies have done before. Tobey is MIA, Jake spends time with his brothers family slowly stepping in as a new father figure. I wont say much more about it because I was still slightly off put by who was the "crazy one" but only for a few moments. And this role was not meant for Tobey, he cannot act the way he was required to, he tried but not hard enough. I would say stick with Spiderman, but you know what, he should stop doing that too. I think the only reason Tobey was in this movie is because he has a slight resemblance to Jake. Nothing new in this movie, I did like it, but could have been better, I expected more from this movie. 2 1/2 out of 4.

The Road, could you...If it came to it?

This DVD review is on The Road. This movie has by far been the most suspenseful and dramatic movie I have seen in quite a while. Long and drawn out, but dramatic, and I have never seen such a bond between two characters acted out so well. ...This movie reminds me of a jawbreaker, its hard to get through but its sweet the entire time. And if I may it was somewhat of a tear jerker, the fiancee cried a couple of times. The only thing I didn't appreciate was the holes in the story. I wanted to know how the world became a post apocalyptic wasteland. I wanted to know why the mother, whom was played by Charlize Theron, was such a bitch, and if I may a little gutless. But I really liked that it actually showed them scavenging for what food that was left, giving the well done illusion they were in this real situation, gradually fatiguing more and more as they starved. The plot is a father and son heading south down the eastern part of the United states going from New York, to Florida, because they would not survive another winter. While dodging wandering raiders and groups of cannibals, with every situation the father has to struggle with the horrible thought that he cannot fend them off. Then must decide if he should end his own sons life so he does not have to endure the horrors these men may bestow upon them. Some spots in the movie were quite heart wrenching from these situations. I will more then likely buy this movie. 3 out of 4.

Get him to the Greek, prepare to get mind F****d

So this review is on Get him to the Greek, a comedy with Jonah Hill, some comedian that I have seen once or twice, and P Diddy. And I will come out and say it, P Diddy was the funniest of the three. He's not even a comedian but his jokes were definitely the best, this "rapper" picked up where the other two were slacking. And they slacked a lot, and when I say a lot I mean a loooooooooooottttttttttttttttttt! And in most parts I found myself slightly bored, the movie was barely interesting enough to keep my attention. Two things saved this movie, P Diddy, and tits, yeah I said tits, without them the movie may as well not have been made. And I have a hard time saying this because Jonah Hill can be very funny...when he tries. The other comedian I don't really care to know his name, didn't stick out at all and kinda came off as a moron. So the plot consists of a record company going under and Jonah is appointed to save it by recruiting a washed up rocker to do an anniversary/comeback concert. The rocker lost his fame from putting out a song and record and I quote from the movie "more controversial and insulting to Africa then the Rodney King beating."0.0 ...must have been a bad song. During the the comedian singing I found myself imagining that taking tooth picks and jabbing them into my eardrum with a hammer was more appealing then listening to this jackass sing. All and all it was an average movie, worth a dollar rental, the jokes that I did like I laughed quite hard and was hoping for more. 2 out of 4. KEEP STROKING THE FURRY WALL! LOL that was definitely the best part.

Prince of Persia, a diamond in the rough

This review was on Prince of Persia, I have to be quite honest, I was very surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. Its only true flaws is that the plot was more obvious then finding out that Boondock Saints 2 was absolutely dreadful within the first five minutes. And that Jake Gyllenhall (or how ever you spell his name) is uglier than roadkill thats been shat on and I had to stare at his ugly mug for an hour and forty minutes. But none the less he did a very good job playing the Prince Destand...hmmmm sounds a lot like destiny to me -.- So the plot starts out with Prince Destand being adopted by a king as an orphan due to some unlikely act of kindness from a person in the position of power. Destand and his brothers invade a holy kingdom that was forbiden to them some years later and thats how the beginning of the movie begins. I'm sketchy on saying more because I dont want to give anything away. But the actors did a very good job convincing me of their rolls. The action was very entertaining and consistant, again I felt as if I was on a roller coaster, but I wasn't quickly being pulled from scene to scene. No this rollercoaster made sure I got the maximum amount of entertainment out of it and took its time. This by no means was a serious movie at all, this movie seemed like it was made to entertain the people... for once. I wouldnt mind seeing Jake reprise his role but a sequel isnt needed. Prince of Persia is definatly the best video game movie that has been made thus far. Its definatly worth a watch, hell I may even buy it when it comes out. I give it a 3 out of 4. I wonder if Jake is actually a monkey? O.o