The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - If it shall end in fire, then we will burn togher

I was on hiatus... I got nothing else for you. I was busy working on my book business. I even had to start a second blog so my readers can get to know me. It's strange to say that I have readers, but it feels good none-the-less. But being back doing a review feels pretty good too. Glad to be back.

The review is on The Hobbit numero dose. First of all, let me get this off my chest. Why the hell is the Hobbit three films long, each spanning almost three hours? My copy of the Hobbit is 305 pages. That is three hours for every hundred pages; and even then there's parts in this movie that aren't in the book. Money hungry bastards. I have actually seen this film twice since its release. Once doing the double feature on Thursday, and again on Sunday, and I shall tell you why. The first time going, I wasn't impressed with the film at all. These two little bitches and there male friend who was prick as well were just chatting away through both movies; even after being told to shut up. Lucky for them I don't hit girls. Another thing that bugged me was my girlfriend having RLS and it would not stop. The whole thing took me out of the experience and eventually ended up making fun of the movie. Turns out I just needed a Snickers. The second time through I loved the movie, I was engulfed in the experience. I still have my issues, but they are minuscule. You know the director and you know the actors, so I'm not gonna' name them all off for you. But the she-elf chick, Tariel? That was the girl in Lost, didn't see it until the second time through. So naturally I loved the acting and story. It was a bit quirky, but I can overlook that I suppose. The talking spiders? But I get it that Bilbo obtains this power to understand them, or possibly the darkness through the ring. Just my interpretation of it. The river scene I was also a little silly, but entertaining. But in the area of quirkiness, for some reason, I wanted more dwarf songs. I mean if they are adding stuff in, why not? Keep with the theme of a light-hearted group on a noble quest. But that would interfere with the fact that the ring might be affecting their minds as well. Too many what ifs. The animation on some of the scenes were a bit choppy for me. I prefer my animation to be seamless. Spend the extra money and go the distance. You're gonna' make it back. I gave you fifty bucks already to see your movie twice, come on. Let me tell you what I did love. Smaug. I love dragons. Dragons were the reason I started playing Magic the Gathering and World of Warcraft. But none of those pussy dragons from Eragon or Dragonheart. No, they did it right with Smaug. Everything from its size to its posture, scales, eyes, its attitude was perfect. Yeah you go ahead and be cocky, Smaug, you have every right to be. Because the old tales do fall utterly short to your enormity, oh Smaug the Magnificent. The dragon made the movie for me. It made me long for more scenes with Bilbo and Smaug conversing. But he's fire, he's death, blah blah blah, I get it, go kill something you beautiful death machine. After my Snickers I really liked this film, there is very little flaw to find. It's a fun movie for everyone, but please, if you have a baby, don't bring it to the movies. You spoil it for everyone else! I give The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug a 4 out of 4. I started out clean but I'm jaded. Just phoning it in, oh, just breaking my skin. Can you help me I'm bent. I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Keep breaking me in. And this is how we will end. With you and me...bent.

World War Z - Just say the word

I got a thing for zombies. The zombie genre, the creatures, the sheer possibility of it all is absolutely fascinating to me. The most likely of its origins would be a virus. But there is so much potential with it. I don't want to spoil anything. I'm already excited writing this review. Favorite zombie film has to be either Zombieland or 28 Days Later. It's difficult to create an original zombie film. I'm not saying that World War Z has accomplished this, but it is definitely a step ahead of its peers. World War Z starred Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos and Daniella Kertesz. The director was Marc Forster who also did Quantum of Solace and Monsters Ball. The movie starts off giving little tidbits in the background about the plot; while an unsuspecting father/husband (Pitt) is going on about his daily life. The first twenty minutes of this film is probably the most thrilling beginning to a movie I had ever seen. Pitt and his family are stuck in traffic; then all of a sudden mass panic breaks out and Pitt and his family are given a very violent shove into this "War". I loved this movie. It was thrilling, there wasn't a scene where I was left bored. Since the movie I have been wanting to find the book, but the libraries haven't had them in stock, and I'm too cheap right now to buy it. The acting was done well as was the directing. The CG felt more like a high-end blockbuster video game than anything else. It was still nice to look at, but not up to my standards; but I have seen worse. Do not go into this movie expecting to see your run of the mill, shoot em' up, big explosions, zero plot, zombie movie. World War Z was a film with substance and depth. Though it did have it's moments that were filled with action that did not disappoint, it was clever and innovative about it. I never thought for a moment zombies could do the things that I saw in that film. Which now forces me to rethink my survival strategy. I enjoyed seeing the plague grow and evolve as any virus would, making the film seem a little more real. The smartest thing about this film was it's ending. Every ending to every zombie film is to escape to some land and hope for the best. That is a terrible ending idea without any reward. World War Z doesn't do that, the ending was very satisfying and clever. You truly would have to think like a scientist to come up with a solution like this. This film was an action packed thriller, with a splash of horror and suspense. This movie was good. I had wanted to see it as much as I did Man of Steel. I want more. Instead of seeing Monsters University, I just might go see this film a second time. I give World War Z a 3 1/2 out of 4. That's what makes you larger than life.

Speaking of which, I completely forgot to review This is the End. Starring Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride and Craig Robinson. I absolutely loved this film. It's stupid, but I loved it; it was hilarious! I can't believe I forgot about it. I'm getting old. This film is definitely worth a watch. Danny McBride was the funniest character of the bunch. I give This is the End a 3 1/2 out of 4. If there was a little nudity I would have given it a four.

Man of Steel - You are not alone

"You will give the people an ideal to strive toward. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you, will help them, accomplish wonders." Jor-El

They very first time I heard that quote in the very first trailer I saw, it gave me chills. I was inspired. I was filled with emotion. From friends and family, they had said the same thing; I'm glad I wasn't the only one. This movie sends a message. A message that I believe a lot of people need to sit down and mull over. That is that the majority of people need to sit down, and really think about what kind of person they want to be. Super or not, good or bad, that person will help shape the world. It's true, regardless of the roll. Man of Steel starred: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Diane Lane, Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner. The director was Zack Snyder, who also did 300, Watchmen and Sucker Punch. This was the movie to see this summer for me. Was I let down? Yes, and no. I feel it wasn't because I had this thing on a pedestal. By far, some of the greatest battle scenes I have ever seen. They felt real too. The CG was spot on. Something that Zack Snyder excels at. The fight scenes alone make this movie worth going to.  But the film felt cold and emotionless. Very little character development. This film could have stood to be twenty or thirty minutes longer, just to help with character development. It felt quick, like they wanted to get to the action as soon as possible. All this stuff was happening, but I didn't even care about the consequences. This film was cold and emotionless. There was very little wit or humor that this film desperately needed. Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner were amazing. Would I like a sequel? Yes, but please work on building the characters. They jumped straight into Zod invading the planet and fighting. This film also reminded me why I hate Superman so much. No real threat for me. He can't be beat! And I hate it! But if Superman were to have an opponent to battle on equal terms, it would truly reshape the planet. I liked this film, despite all that it was lacking. I give Man of Steel a 3 out of 4. I'm no Superman, I hope you like me as I am.

After Earth - Fear is a choice

Controlling your fear is one of the greatest challenges any one person could overcome. Everyone fears something different, it's imprinted into our minds. Hell, I'm afraid of spiders. When I see one, I scream and run leaving a trail of urine behind me. But spiders are a universal fear...they're just creepy. I don't know what I'm afraid of. Sure, if a large predator is in front of me I'll be afraid. But that could be said about anyone. I fear failing I suppose, letting those I care about down. That's real fear for me. Facing your fear, and overcoming it is what After Earth is about. This film starred Will Smith and Jaden Smith. The director came as a shock to me, it was M. Night Shyamalan. I didn't know it was him until we were walking by the movie poster and someone pointed it out. This guy is one of the worst directors I have ever seen, but I keep giving him chances for redemption. This chance was an accident. This film was...underwhelming at best. It was something I expected so much more from. I didn't have it on a pedestal or anything, I just expected more. The acting was underwhelming. Will Smith is a seasoned actor, a great actor, and I expected more. Jaden, yeah you can cry on command...so what? You're not good enough to do shit without your daddy. Hey, Will, come wipe your son's ass and tell him to try again. Maybe Karate Kid 2 will be good. This movie felt short. I wanted to see more of the life on Earth and interactions with it. I didn't get enough of it. I was fascinated to see what could be. The story was underwhelming as well. This film could have done without the alien concept. Two things that did bother me that I had to bring up. One, you mastered space and time and the best weapon you had was a sword? Shenanigans! Two, Earth had been untouched for a thousand years, no pollution, just lush green forest covering the land. Why did they have trouble breathing? Maybe I wasn't paying attention when they were explaining both of these concepts. This film is just there. It doesn't impress, nor does it completely disappoint. I give After Earth a 2 out of 4. Fear is only the thought of the future, of what will happen if you allow yourself to be controlled by the fear. However, if you focus on the current moment, there will be nothing to fear.

Now You See Me - Faith can move mountains

Magic...yeah I believe in it. Why not? What is so wrong about believing in the fantastical? Letting your mind slip into a realm of making the impossible, possible. Have you ever felt something that you couldn't explain, that you couldn't see, but you knew was there? It's magic, and it exists in a multitude of forms. Some perceive it as miracles, faith, love, or even something as simple as coincidence. I believe in magic. Now You See Me, is a film about a bunch of street performing magicians who make it big overnight and rob banks. That's it in a nutshell; I could go deeper, but that would give away the plot. This film starred: Jesse Eisenberg,  Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Dave Franco and Morgan Freeman. The director was Louis Leterrier. He also directed The Incredible Hulk, Clash of the Titans and The Transporter movies. This explains some of the issues I had with this film. This movie was predictable. The magic tricks could be seen from miles away as well as the plot twists. The magic in this film felt like it was done by an amateur. The casting was correct, I loved the actors, with the exception of Mark Ruffalo. I just wasn't a fan of the work he did...stick with the Hulk. I loved the concept of this film, the idea was original, it was great. I wanted to know more about the end result of this film. Yes, the journey was fun, but the destination was more interesting to me. A sequel isn't in order, but I would have liked it if they dabbed just a bit more into what they were working for. That's just me though. A splash more comedy, and a little less of Ruffalo being a cry-ass and this film would have been something special. Oh, and a better director. There was such potential here, and I deeply looked forward to this film. I'd still recommend this film, maybe for a rent. I'll end up buying it just because I'm a movie whore. I give Now You See Me a 2 1/2 out of 4. Remember, the closer you get, the less you'll actually see.

Hangover 3 - We had a sick night, bitches

Why did I go see this movie? So many people asked me why? I will be honest, I loved the first one. I did, there, I said it! I'm not ashamed! But this franchise didn't spiral down hill slowly, like most do. It hit rock bottom on the sequel and the third one was a desperate climb to hit a happy medium again. Well I can at least assume that's what they were going for. Hangover 3 starred: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong and John Goodman. The director was Todd Phillips who directed the Hangover trilogy, Due Date and Old School. Would you believe that Ken Jeong is a licensed M.D.? Yeah, the guy is a doctor, who'd a thunk? Before this movie even came out, and they were calling this film the end of the series. I kinda figured it was because Bradley Cooper was getting too big for these kinds of films. The accolades he has received in other roles has set him above such projects. He is making his way up that acting ladder. Even in this role I enjoyed his work. Yeah, yeah, ladies he's easy on the eyes. But you must look past that, and you will see that with each film he does, his acting improves substantially. It's remarkable. Films like this are beneath him...for now. I could count on one hand, the times I laughed during this movie. Being a comedy, there shouldn't be an excuse for that. Galifianakis's antics that were supposed to be funny, were more annoying than anything. The humor and story got stale very quickly. It was missing something, this film desperately needed something to save it. That something did not appear until after the first few moments of credits. I laughed, I laughed hysterically, and that's the movie I wanted to see. I wanted to know what the hell happened THAT night. But, alas, we don't always get what we want. Along with the language and male nudity, this was a below average movie. Don't get excited, I've seen popcorn kernels bigger than what I saw. I give Hangover 3 a 1 out of 4. What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know, goes away, in the end. You could have it all...

Star Trek Into Darkness - I only know what I can do

Star Trek, space, the final frontier, and all that other crap. Who am I kidding? I'm a Star Wars guy, so I was a bit out of my element when I saw this movie. The crappy thing about it was I missed the opening night showing! Curse my theater and their shifty ways! Star Trek starred Chris Pine, Zachery Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, Karl Urban, John Cho and Benedict Cumberbacht. I'm sure I forgot a few. The director was J.J. Abrams. You know what he did. So I'm going to tell you what he is doing in the next few years. We got Star Wars VII, Cloverfield two, Portal, Half-Life, Mission Impossible 5 and Star Trek 3. Sir, you gave me a nerdgasm! These movies were announced, the release dates very. Waiting is the worst part. Any who, on to the review. I loved the first Star Trek movie. It was an interesting retelling of the original story. I was happy to see all of the actors come back to do their roles again. It's rare now-a-days to see an actor not come back; but it's still disappointing when it does happen. The plot is pretty simple and linear so it's difficult to mess up. There is a rogue Star fleet officer, and he must be brought to justice. To me, this movie should have felt a lot more personal. It certainly had the potential to be. I just didn't feel anything. There were plenty of scenes that had tons of emotion involved. I don't think the directors heart was in it. I hear J.J. is a Star Wars guy. My thoughts on that are that if you simply don't care about the project, you shouldn't be involved in the first place. He did a wonderful job with the CG. The acting was done well. But I felt absolutely zero emotion. Along with that the story itself was pretty serious, and I felt it should have been longer. The threat and danger levels weren't as severe as they should have been. With a villain of this magnitude, I expected more. A lot was at stake with this film. I don't feel there was enough. Maybe I'm just greedy. Aside from my personal issues with it, every part of me says I should dislike this movie. But I don't. I still enjoyed myself. It kept my attention. Plus, I thought it was hilarious to see how uncomfortable Zachery Quinto was to kiss a woman. I really liked this movie. Was it enough to turn me into a Trekkie? No, only the Borg can assimilate me. I would recommend this film to anyone who would ask about it. I give Star Trek Into Darkness a 3 out of 4. The hatred we carry will only generate more hatred. May the force be with you.

The Great Gatsby - I'm within, and without

So I'm letting everyone know that I will be talking about this movie without holding much back. I may or may not spoil it for you. Either way I don't really care. If you haven't read this story by now that's your own fault. F. Scott Fitzgerald was the author of this book, and from what I have heard, this tale was actually about his own messed up love life. But that's just what I had heard. I had always admired this story, but it wasn't until I had seen this film that I had developed any real appreciation for it. I felt a connection with Gatsby, it was a connection that I was both inspired by and ashamed of. I will elaborate soon enough. The Great Gatsby starred Leonardo DiCaprio, Joel Edgerton, Tobey Maguire, and Carry Mulligan. The director was Baz Luhrmann who also did Moulin Rouge and Romeo and Juliet. I can certainly see the similarities in the films, from the directors style. The Great Gatsby was about a man redefining himself and having society adapt to this redefinition, and accept it. But it was more then that, it was also a sad story of love and tragedy. We could also throw in some adultery, illegal drinking during the prohibition, and murder, but those are just the small things. Gatsby, played by DiCaprio, was a man with a hope that was unrelenting. He had such great hope, knowing that he was destined for more than just a simple life. I can sympathize. He had been everywhere and done everything as a young man. He saw his dreams and sought them out without looking back. However, I suppose that dream was more of an opportunity. Tomato tomato. I once again can sympathize. I am closer then I let on to the people I know, to fulfilling my life's dream. I'm just an arm's length away from achieving it. Though it is just a story, it is inspiring to see an average man achieve something grand, something he set out to do. After achieving it, seeing the man Gatsby became was also inspiring. Minus the gangster stuff, he was a good man. Well known and loved by his peers and friends. I feared if things were set in motion, what kind of person I would turn out to be. Minus the gangster stuff, I would like to think I would be like him. DiCaprio did a wonderful job portraying a fictional man who I would not mind aspiring myself to be. What I didn't like was that Gatsby did all of this so a women he had loved in the past would find him good enough for her. He had made his millions and threw lavish parties, celebrating with the rich and famous. All to get the attention of a single woman. Unfortunately, to my shame, I did the same. I thought to myself, maybe if I go to college and get an education, get my book published, make tons of money, just maybe, someday, she would come back to me. Maybe I could earn her love again. This is where Gatsby and myself must part ways. Unlike him, I found out before it was too late, that this is no longer for her. It's for me, I accomplished everything that I had, for me. I apologize for interjecting my feelings and personal issues into this review. I'm sure none of you want to hear it. Bare with me. I haven't been the same since. But now, I assure those who know me, that the anger is fleeting. I want to be a good man, and aspire further to be a great man. I believe Gatsby is a good thing to aspire to be...to an extent. Had to get it off my chest. Aside from my fondness of the character, Gatsby, the acting was decent enough. It still felt like Maguire was trying to act in another crappy Spider-Man movie. The film, to me, felt like it had A.D.D. or something. The dialogue and the characters in each scene felt scattered, like they couldn't keep their attention on what they were doing in the scene. It just felt strange to me. But by no means was I bored. I was fairly entertained. I've never enjoyed rap music in 1920's mob movies. However, in this film, I didn't seem to mind it so much; it almost seemed appropriate in some scenes. Without Maguire though; something about him rubs me the wrong way. He's by no means, tough. What drove me absolutely crazy was the way DiCaprio said "Old Sport." My God! It was like nails on a chalkboard to me. I literally gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. It wasn't just the way he said it, but how many times he said it. I think I heard it three times in one sentence. It was maddening. The critics didn't particularly care for this film. They said it was okay at best. They weren't wrong. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say I liked it. I did like it, and I would recommend at least one watch to anyone who would ask. I give The Great Gatsby a 2 1/2 out of 4. I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my life. When you're with me the skies'll be blue, for all my life. Me and you, and you and me. No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be. The only one for me is you, and you for me. So happy together.

Iron Man 3 - I am Iron Man

Among the Avengers, Tony Stark was definitely my favorite. Most identifiable I suppose. Love the quick wit, brilliance, hidden selflessness, and the ego. I could go on about the ego, but those of you who know me, know I have an enormous ego as well. Eh, I'm okay with it. Iron Man has become one of my favorite Marvel characters since the first movie came out. I was always an X-Men guy; never paid too much attention to the Avengers. Still don't. But I have taken more of an interest in Iron Man. Casting Robert Downey Jr. brought Tony Stark to life, he seems like a real, living, breathing, person. I don't want to sound like one of the many fanboy/girls, but Downey Jr.'s sheer presence elevated each scene. He, in my eyes has become one of my favorite actors, he does an incredible job. But enough of me kissing this guys ass, lets get down to the movie. Iron Man 3 starred a man that needs no introduction, Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pierce, Ben Kingsley and Paul Bettany as Jarvis. The director was Shane Black, who really isn't known for being a director with the exception of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and is currently working on Deathnote, should be interesting. He did write the Lethal Weapon series, The Last Boy Scout and a slew of other action movies. So he knows a thing or two about action films. Given the experience of the cast, you could see very little of the inexperience of the director. The plot, felt more of the same, with a twist or two. Tony Stark is suffering from anxiety issues from the Avengers. Now, I love the fact that they are carrying the effects of his new found team and problems over to his solo films. It's just like any true soldier who has seen battle, they will have anxiety, nightmares and all that good stuff that follows. Iron Man's first war has taken it's toll on Tony Stark. But as seen on the previews, not to spoil anything for anyone, he is attacked at home where he is most vulnerable. The aftermath left him stranded in the cold in the middle of nowhere. Both this film and the first film feel the same. He's left alone to test his mettle and find some kind of self discovery through his tinkering with his suits. It was entertaining the first time, but giving the character the same problem and solution leaves me a little less fulfilled. It could just be me, but I was craving a little something more creative. The threat and danger level didn't seem too concerning to me until the end, but now-a-days it never does. The CG consumed a good ninety percent of this film, which is fine. Some scenes could have used a bit more fine-tuning, but that's just me nitpicking, and who am I to do that? I don't need to say anything on the acting, everyone did a good job. It's probably what saved this movie from being another piece of mediocrity. This movie was fun, entertaining, action packed, with a little romance. I could overlook the repetitiveness in the deeper character plot/growth, because it simply kept me entertained and laughing. The Tony Stark and Robert Downey Jr. combination is incredible. Aside from Jack Sparrow and Johnny Depp, you won't find a better pair. I'm excited to hear that Robert Downey Jr. said that he would play Iron Man as long as he was physically able. Looking at the whole picture, I give Iron Man 3 a 3 1/2 out of 4. My summer of movie blockbusters crept up on me without me knowing it. I got at least one movie each week from here until September. Next week is The Great Gatsby! Pretty excited for it. Now the only thing that can't seem to escape my mind. Where is my sandwich?

Oblivion - Are you an effective team?

Never in the years I have been watching movies have I ever thought, "Man, I sure do want to see a Tom Cruise film." I take that back, Rock of Ages was one of those movies. But none-the-less. I saw the trailer for this film and immediately thought that this was Scientology film. No joke. But as time went on and I learned a bit more; my opinion quickly changed. Oblivion starred Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman, Olga Kurylenko and Andrea Riseborough. The director was Joseph Kosinkski, who's only other film was Tron Legacy, and is currently working on another sequel to Tron. Not a fan of the idea of another Tron. The general basses of this film is that Tom Cruise's character, Jack, is in a futuristic, post-apocalyptic Earth. Where there was a terrible war between man and aliens. In the end man had to leave Earth to survive. Jack and another woman are the mop up crew that maintains drones and other important machinery. But Jack is haunted by these flashes of memory about a mysterious woman. Blah, blah, blah. There was too much story for this film. The ideas and movie itself was intriguing, and interesting enough to keep my attention. Some parts felt as if they ran a bit long. But at the same time this film also felt like I was watching a play almost; with the exception of having an extraordinary special effects budget. It seemed I was looking at a jigsaw puzzle, but pieces were missing, or had no right being there in the first place. Oblivion seemed like an incomplete thought. I couldn't very well ask for more, the film felt like it ran long any how. Though there is enough story here for two separate films. I honestly want to hate this film, I do. But I don't for the reasons that it did keep me entertained. There is one thing I will elaborate on that I usually don't, and that is the ending. I won't spoil it for you. But it was such a cop-out, I couldn't believe it. You have to take certain, careful steps to ensure that your hero does not fall. Really? Did it ever occur to you that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? And the woman! Don't get me started! What happened at the end is just a typical woman thing to do. It's not your fault, it's written in your genes. With that being said, I don't care to write about this film anymore. It was an entertaining incomplete thought, that jumped around and had some stuff in it that the main plot could have done without. I give Oblivion a 1 1/2 out of 4. It could have been better. But at the same time, it could have been a lot worse. OH! One last thing! The swimming pool in it! Best swimming pool EVER!

Evil Dead - Don't speak the words!

I have been pumped for this move for weeks, if not months. I love the Evil Dead series. Its perfect blend of horror, comedy, and gore was amazing. The intentional cheesiness of the film was great, making an instant cult classic. Then a year or so ago I hear of a remake in the works. I was against it for the most part. It was almost blasphemous to recreate something that was perfect. There was no need for a remake; and to have Bruce Campbell give his blessings was even worse. Then they decide to put a serious twist to it. A "Serious Twist"? Are you kidding me? I could only scream at my computer screen when I found this out. But as time went on I let the notion slip into the back of my mind and let it be forgotten until a few months ago. I see it's coming out, and the weeks leading up to it, I hear all of these wonderful things about it. How great it was. How it was a must see. Possibly one of the greatest horror creations to date. My interest had peeked and I could not wait to go. I literally dragged my friend kicking and screaming to this film. Needless to say she was terrified just at the previews. I went into the film having in my head that this remake was a completely separate entity from the original; it was its own thing. To actually compare the two would be unfair; you couldn't top the original. So I went in with an open mind and very, very high expectations. The beginning set the tone very nicely. I couldn't imagine a more perfect beginning to it. Seeing a little back-story to the location was very refreshing. And for those who aren't movie buffs or have any kind of supernatural knowledge. Here is a little explanation/spoiler. Or at least it was my take on it. Cats are the guardians of the underworld. That's it...during the scene I saw a lot of confusion in the theater. After the beginning, the movie slowed some, but not much. I really want to talk about each scene with you guys; there is a lot I want to say. But to be fair to those who haven't seen it, I would not want to spoil it for you. Where are my manors? I forgot to tell you who starred in this film. The stars in this film are: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas and Elizabeth Blackmore. The director was Fede Alvarez, who has done nothing of note other than short films. Evil Dead followed the formula to any horror film exactly, without flaw. I hate formulas, I hate the expected and predictable. SURPRISE ME! But this time...I didn't seem to mind as much. The movie had a creepy atmosphere to it. From what I was hearing about the film, I went into it scared. And for the first forty-five minutes, I had psyched myself out and was scared. Then I realized that this was an Evil Dead movie. Then the fear slowly slipped away, and I enjoyed myself. The acting wasn't bad, minus the main character played by Shiloh Fernandez. He seemed like a douche. The effects with the gore were both awesome and cheesy. The cheesy parts made me laugh and reminded me of the old Evil Dead, and I didn't mind it so much. I found myself laughing at a few scenes. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one. This movie wasn't without flaws though. I felt like the director was holding my hand, trying to explain what each scene meant coinciding with the Book of the Dead. I was able to figure it out! I didn't need your hand to help explain it. To do this more subtly, you may want to rearrange the scenes in such a way where you see the pages earlier on, and then the events happen. Then you let your audience figure it out, making them feel smarter and allowing them to dig themselves deeper into your story. I hate being babied. My other issue was some missing dialogue, maybe an homage to Ash. Nobody says "Give me some sugar, baby." Or "Groovy," anymore but I think I would have liked a little something, not much, but something. We are living in a land of remakes right now. Where Hollywood is running dry on ideas, and they are tapping back into the past and reintroducing the old to newer generations. Ninety percent of all remakes are garbage. But Evil Dead, I believe can stand on its own two feet, it is unique among its peers. When I got comfortable it wasn't scary. Though there was an overwhelming amount of gore. If you are squeamish when it comes to blood, dismemberment, or any vial acts committed on the human body. I couldn't recommend this film for you. But if you can handle yourself, and keep the thought out of your head that this film isn't the original, but a separate entity, then I could recommend this film. I give Evil Dead a 3 out of 4. I liked this film. But let me remind you that this is just MY OPINION. Oh, and there was no "Dead by dawn, dead by dawn!" very, very disappointing. That would have been the homage I was missing.   

Oz the Great and Powerful - I want to be a great man

This is my 100th review! I didn't actually intend on waiting until Oz the Great and Powerful came out. It just sort of happened that way. I haven't been lazy in my review writing; I've actually missed it. Circumstances have just gotten in the way, whether it be financial issues or my health getting in the way. But I'm back. My one hundredth review was actually going to be Beautiful Creatures, but we ended up walking out of it due to health reasons, and I never went back to see it. But it sort of worked out, I wanted to save my milestone for something special, something good, something great. I should have waited a little longer... The Wizard of Oz is one of the most iconic films to exist. Everyone knows it. If you haven't heard of it or seen it, then I don't know where you have been, because people who live under rocks have seen this movie. As a prequel to The Wizard of Oz, it has some pretty big shoes to fill. Oz the Great and Powerful starred James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams. The director was Sam Raimi who also did the Spiderman Trilogy and the Evil Dead trilogy. Oz the Great and Powerful was visually a pretty movie, at times. Some times it seemed a bit too cartoony for me. But maybe that was the intention, either way I didn't care for it. The characters, the movie sped itself along so fast that I felt I didn't get the time to know the characters. I didn't get the time to see them develop and give myself a chance to actually care about them. I wanted to, I really did, I felt I could relate to Oz and I wanted to connect, but I didn't get to. Mila Kunis seemed very sweet, I loved the innocent role she played. But as the film progressed it felt a lot like she was just over acting. Though the black leather pants looked nice on her. Rachel Weisz...I didn't even really care. She was there and showed me nothing more. There were three things that saved the characters in this film. The Little China Girl, The monkey, played by Zach Braff, and Michelle Williams. The China Girl and the Monkey held the cast together with their more comedic and heartfelt moments. Michelle Williams, I really enjoyed the innocence her character brought. Out of all the characters, I enjoyed hers the most, I got the most development out of her, the most feeling. Trying not to make that sound strange. The story was pretty self explanatory, and needs no real introduction. The story was good, but in my personal opinion they could have split this story into two movies, and allowed the characters and plot to develop properly. Just my opinion though. I give Oz the Great and Powerful a 2 out of 4. It's a very average movie. I never do this, but I saw a bit of myself in Oz, and it made me want to strive for something more. He wasn't a grand wizard of magnificent power, he wasn't a granter of wishes and dreams. He was a good man. What we have in common though is that I don't want to be a good man, I want to be a great man. But sometimes good is better.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters - Who the fuck is Edward?

Hansel & Gretel, it's yet again another reboot of an old fairy tale. Why are the rebooting these stories? I have no idea...probably because they are running out of ideas in Hollywood, having a collective creative I.Q. of a witless boob. I'm very happy I went into this movie expecting absolutely nothing from it; thus allowing me to hate it a little less. Hansel & Gretel starred Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton and Famke Janssen. The director was Tommy Wirkola, who did a movie called Dead Snow; I have no idea what that is. The inexperience of the director really showed. This movie felt very rushed, but not only that but everyone seemed very uptight. As if the entire cast, each had branch shoved up their ass to make them and their acting seem stiff. There was a very awkward tension on the screen, very little chemistry. This film had a very standard and predictable story, with a very predictable twist. What did surprise me was the language, I was actually quite shocked. And the brief nudity, that surprised the hell out of me. After that I kind of thought hey, we got a movie. But all of the brief butt shots and side nipple couldn't save this film from the mediocrity it suffered from. Besides, the wrong chick got naked. The acting itself was stiff, I wasn't very impressed. But with Jeremy Renner doing big films like Avengers and taking over with the Bourne saga; I guess I wouldn't really try either. I'll tell you what I did like. I liked the weapons they used, as cheesy as they looked. I liked the old feel of them, but corrupted with a technology not really fathomed for that time period. But the Gatling gun seemed a little stupid to me. I would appreciate all of these reboots if they did something imaginative with it. Having all of them working toward something grander, like they did with the Avengers. But they won't. There is a severe lack of vision with this film. It had the potential to be good, but it kept tripping over itself. Hell, this movie was quick to end itself too. The ending narration started before the last battle even fully ended. Oh well, I won't dwell on it anymore. This was a very average movie and it shall get a very average score. I give Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters a 2 out of 4. The only good witch is a dead witch.

Silver Linings Playbook - If she comes back...

It's about damn time this movie came to theaters in my town! Only when it has gotten so much notoriety that the owners decide to show it. Oh no, can't take any risks here. Fuck off. Have you seen how many awards this movie has been nominated for and received? 8 Oscar nominations should be enough to say something, but the list goes on and on...literally. So let's get this out of the way. If you read and follow this little movie review blog, then you know about my little infatuation with Jennifer Lawrence. Well let me assure you that my crush will have nothing to do with my judgement on this film. Granted that I was practically drooling during every scene she was in... Any who... Silver Linings Playbook Starred an amazing cast that consisted of Bradley Cooper, my future wife, Robert De Niro and a slew of other actors. The director was David O. Russell whom also directed The Fighter, Three Kings and...I Heart Huckabees... Besides The Fighter, David, you have come a long way...my God. Let me get straight into it; this story was about two people with very serious relationship problems. Causing them both to be seriously screwed up in the head. Now, is it difficult to play a crazy person? No. But to do it so well that it was actually believable; there's a challenge. I could not believe the skill in the acting from everyone. I was blown away, seriously, there was not a single moment where the consistency in the level of acting being delivered ever slipped. It seemed real, the emotions felt real. Granted I can relate, it felt real. Bradley Cooper's character pissed me off so much about how obsessed he was with getting his "wife" back, I was actually frustrated. I wanted to jump into the movie and kick his skull in. Jennifer Lawrence stole the show for me...of course. She was incredibly charming, even during her more rough around the edges or scandalous scenes. She swept me off my feet. The movie involved me, it made me care. Even De Niro did a superb job playing a concerned father with a gambling addiction. I can certainly see why this film was nominated for so many awards. But with seeing this comes a problem. The acting bar for Cooper and Lawrence has been risen substantially for me. I won't expect anything less from either of them. I give Silver Linings Playbook a 4 out of 4. It would be a 5 out of 4 but I was told I shouldn't do that anymore. Ya' see babe? I told you you could do better than HATES. You still have my number right?   

This Is 40 - You don't tell her you took viagra

This is 40, is one of those films you see when you feel you have too much money in your pocket, and nothing better to do. The trailer, and the title itself told me this film was going to contain lots of unfunny nagging. If wanted two hours of that I would purposely pick a fight with my girlfriend that I couldn't win. This Is 40 starred Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann. The director was Judd Apatow, who also did The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up. This guy has a thing for 40 year old people. What it sounds like to me is that Judd is having troubles dealing with his own mid-life crisis. Got your own personal problems there, buddy? You feel you need to show the world? Have a few funny scenes in the trailers, which intrigues my lady, thus dragging me to this senseless drivel. The acting was stale at best. I wouldn't expect much from some B-rated comedians either. There were two good things that came from this movie...from a male's perspective. Megan Fox, and seeing Leslie Mann's boobs. They actually aren't bad. Yup, some good boob was all I could take from this film. It wasn't funny, nor did it entertain me. I give This Is 40 a 1 out of 4. Pass on it. Or maybe watch it, via intronet. 

Django Unchained - The D is silent

I honestly had no idea what I was in for when we went to see this movie, other than what I had learned from the trailers. Django Unchained Starred Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio. The Director was Quentin Tarantino...this man needs no introductions. He did Pulp Fiction, if you haven't seen it then get off your ass and go see it. So, was I surprised at what I saw in this film? No, its Quentin Taranfuckingtino. The gore is going to be exaggerated, bodies will explode, and there will be an unnecessary amount of blood. But I loved it! The exaggerated violence and gore was done right. Granted that there were some parts that made me cringe. But hey, I've never seen a man ripped apart by dogs before either... The music, minus the modernized rap that played, I loved the music. It was entertaining, and fit very well the the grit of this film. What I loved most was the way this film was shot. It was grainy, it was gritty and dirty. That is Tarantino's style, but the way he does it in this film was spectacular. Lets move to the acting, oh the acting. Jamie Foxx did all right, he played the strong silent type for the most part. But I was truly impressed with Christoph Waltz. From his first line, I simply adored his character. He was funny, well spoken and very charismatic. I loved that there was always a method to his madness. Leonardo DiCaprio, sir, you have quite the resume. But I have never seen you play a antagonist. But in this case, are you a bad guy. If you take a step back and actually look at it. You are just a businessman, trying to get a slice of the pie. Either way, you did a magnificent job. Others didn't agree, but fuck 'em. The character you played was very entertaining, and in some cases may have stole the show. And of course Sam Jackson makes an appearance. He did something right, because I hated his character. He did a great job at making me hate him. This was one of the better films of 2012, and I urge all to see it. I give Django Unchained a 4 out of 4. To start this review, I was going to make a reference to the film about this being a German  story and how there is always a mountain to climb. The truth is, I'm sick of looking at the past and seeing all of the metaphorical mountains I have had to climb to get what I wanted. And then seeing the mountains ahead of me. Fuck it, we all have our mountains. It just depends on how you climb your mountains that defines you.

A Haunted House - two dogs, one duck

This movie looked dumb... But, being the good boyfriend that I am. I took my lady to see what she wanted. Oh Christ here we go... A Haunted House starred Marlon Wayans, Essence Atkins, and a slew of comedians that I don't really care to mention. The director was Michael Tiddes, he did a few T.V. shows, but no movies that I could find. Yes this was a parody film, but I will treat it the same as every other film. This is a film that parodies Paranormal Activity, obviously. So granted that it is a comedy, there were stupid little jump scenes, as silly as they may have been. I won't lie, a part of me did enjoy this film. Not all of it mind you, but some of it. There was about twenty minutes of good solid comedy. But it wasn't enough to keep me happy. But the good scenes are still singed into my mind...if that's a good thing. Sex jokes are hilarious, they're great; but they flood this movie so much that after a while I became numb to them, and eventually became bored succumbing to their tedium. There isn't much to say about acting in movies like this. Marlon Wayans plays the same character in every movie he does any ways. So it wasn't bad for someone that has very little diversity. I don't want to spend too much time on this film. I have seen good parody movies...in my opinion. But this movie lacked consistency with the level of comedy it was putting out, if any. I give A Haunted House a 1 1/2 out of 4. What was funny, was golden.

Gangster Squad - You are a demon in the sack

It's true...that is an actual line in the movie. Whether that's an accurate phrase used in 1949 is a whole other topic. But yes. As much as I haven't seen movies like this, I really enjoy them. I feel I should spend more time giving them some attention. Because I love the feel of the timeline, the era was pure, and easily corruptible. The detectives and cops seemed more like vigilantes then actual men of the law. At the same time these were also men who just returned from the war. Some of them heroes, others just battle-hardened. Either way, there was no fear to be had by these men. Lets not forget the mob bosses. I loved their sense of class in their ruthless actions. At least as it was depicted in the film. I can't say I know many mob bosses from the 40's and 50's. Gangster Squad starred Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. The director is Ruben Fleischer. He also did 30 Minutes or Less, Zombieland and is currently working on Zombieland 2 I just found out. (Nerd chills) That is awesome news. Knowing this, I did see the director try and implement some sort of form of comedy. In some ways it panned out, most ways it didn't. Don't get me wrong, what was there was funny. But more actual 'Ha' moments than rolling over and laughing moments. Given thought to what I just typed, and the premise of the movie, I suppose a low level of comedy is required. Don't listen to me, I have no idea what I'm talking about. It has been four weeks since I have reviewed something. Mostly due to my lazy ass either playing video games, or working on my novel. I digress. I really liked this movie. I didn't love it, but we could still be friends. The action was decent. There was a good amount of gun-play, and some gore. Now how do I judge the acting? Ryan Gosling only does movies during award season. Sean Penn and Josh Brolin are both powerhouses when it comes to acting. My personal opinion? Given the caliber of the actors, it could have been better. Gosling didn't impress me, I don't care how hot and chiseled  his abs are. Josh Brolin did a little better. Yes, sir, you have a strong chin, it doesn't make you a tough guy. Fun fact, Josh Brolin's first movie was The Goonies. He played Brand; didn't know that. Sean Penn was the best of them, naturally. He dazzled me the most, but I still felt it could have been a bit better. Again, I'm very picky. This film did suffer from something. And as I asked others, I realized it is only something I believe someone who has seen to many movies could pick up. This film suffered from tells, or signals indicating whats going to happen in the next scene. And it's not just this film. Movies like this have very similar formulas that are easy to pick up on, and there for make the film predictable. I was able to tell the precise moment when the movie was going to take a nose dive in the plot. And bad stuff happens. It's not a flaw in the film, but for me, all surprise kind of hopped out the window. I still liked this movie, and would recommend it to anyone who ask about it. I give Gangster Squad a 3 out of 4. Good men who do nothing is evil enough.