Hotel Transylvania - You only zing once

Hotel Transylvania wasn't exactly my top pick for a movie to go see this weekend, but then again it wasn't fully my choice. Looper, looks absolutely awful, it wasn't even playing at our theater; but I would have rather seen that instead. Dredd... Some how got some okay reviews, I wouldn't have minded seeing that as well. Hotel Transylvania, God I don't want type that out over and over; can't I just call it a Hot Trany? Okay, okay, bad joke...but still funnier than the crap I had to listen to. Well, I can't call it all crap, Hot Trany did provide a few good jokes, quirky, but good. A few actors from this cast were Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, and so on and so on. The director was Genndy Tatakovsky, the name sounded familiar but really couldn't put my finger on it until I had to look him up. This guy did several T.V. series such as Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack, Power Puff Girls, and recently Star Wars The Clone Wars. So this guy drew the cartoons of my late childhood. Hot Trany was his very first movie, so I guess I can't be too rough on him. This movie is about an over protective Dracula father (Sandler), sheltering his Dracula daughter (Gomez). That's it... What this movie lacked was any real depth, But at the same time it's a kids movie. The message was there and it was loud and clear, I just hate how it was delivered. Samberg's character was annoying to high hell! I literally left the theater with a headache from his and his character's doucheyness. In the film everyone at one point was bored, and then suddenly he pulls out a scooter and everyone is having a blast because he is SO EXTREME! Get the F**K out of here, what simple minded asshole is gonna fall for that empty humor? But, again, it's a kids movie and I'm going too deep with it. I'm not a parent, some day I hope to be if I ever become so lucky. I love cartoons, and the ones I grew up on were funny, amazing, and helped mold the nerd I am today. The point is, I would want my child to get something from the story. Not this senseless garbage I see on T.V. now, that has absolutely nothing to do with nothing other than to make you retarded. And one more thing...I hate Adam Sandler. And the music, oh god, the music...gross! I give this Hot Trany a 1 1/2 out of 4. A quick little note, Rise of the Guardians looks AWESOME!!! Give it a gander.

End of watch - You are my brother

There are bonds that people experience in their time on this world. Bonds of love, friendship, and even hatred. Love, if it weren't for my own personal experiences, would say that it is the most powerful force on this world. It can conquer all, start wars, bring down empires, or crush a spirit. Platonic love between two friends that are very close could be just as strong. Though I'm sure neither would admit it, but brotherhood can run deeper than blood. End of Watch, is at heart a bromance. This film stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Micheal Pena and Anna Kendrick. The director is David Ayer who also did Training Day. Training Day is one of my favorite movies, so I was super excited to see this. This film captured the bonds of brotherhood in such a way that I had not seen it in any other movie. It was touching, and believable, the acting was spectacular, some of the best I have seen this year. The actors portraying the cartel seemed very convincing, though my knowledge with the cartel is limited. None-the-less, they were scary. I'm sure the style this movie was shot had something to do with it, but this movie felt very real to me, and it left me wanting more. I didn't fully understand what this movie was about until I researched it a bit. The basic plot to this film is two regular police officers accidentally stumble onto cartel activities. I loved this movie, there were no flaws that I observed. I have nothing negative to say, and if I overload you with compliments it will seem like I am gushing. I could understand people not liking this film because of the way it was shot, and maybe the lack of nudity, but other than that there is no real excuse to hate this film. I give End of watch a 4 out of 4. It was a fantastic and seemingly real experience. I can't recommend this enough. GO SEE IT!   

House at the End of the Street - I defended you

With most horror movies you get a sense of urgency, tension, fear and an aftermath of having troubles walking around in the dark alone. You don't get that with HATES. Yes, I'm calling it HATES. Unless you want me to repeatedly write House at the End of the Street, because House at the End of the Street is a long title; and I just don't want to write House at the End of the Street multiple times. In my personal opinion HATES shouldn't be classified as horror, but maybe a psychological thriller. I use the term, thriller, loosely. This film Starred the lovely, Jennifer Lawrence, yes, I have a stupid crush on this girl, and yes, it is the reason why I went and saw this film. I would marry this chick! It also starred Elizabeth Shue, It took me forever to remember this woman's name, I thought about it for half of the film and it bugged the shit out of me. And Max Thieriot; you sir, I hate you. The director was Mark Tonderai, outside of television, I think this is the first movie he has done, makes sense. This film wasn't good by any means, but at the same time it wasn't terrible either. Now, it not being terrible, could that be stemming from my little celebrity crush? Maybe, but that doesn't stop this film from drowning with mediocrity and predictability. This movie does itself a disservice by keeping you ten steps ahead of itself. Less then halfway through the movie I had it figured out. The acting wasn't terrible, not at all, the plot was decent and had the potential to be very twisted and interesting. This movie just suffered from bad writing, bad directing, and poor execution. And ladies, I'm asking you this. Every scary movie I have seen, there is always a noise, a dark corridor, or a locked door that you MUST check out...why? Of course if you didn't it would stop the story in it's tracks, but it doesn't make sense and it pisses me off. Jennifer, you can do so much better then this pile of crap. I understand you are still new and finding your style, but you can do better. I give HATES a 1 1/2 out of 4. Call me!

Resident Evil: Retribution - Good luck with that

Hello! I was on a hiatus, well, sort of. I just didn't see anything really worth reviewing. Total Recall, 1 1/2, it was boring and a little stupid. Expendables 2, a 3, but I just didn't give a shit enough to review that movie. Bourne...I fell asleep, then it ended. The Possession, a 2, wasn't bad, wasn't good, didn't care. The Words, a 4, I regret not reviewing this movie, it was beautiful. For all the people who come up to me and ask, "hey, whats taking so long with your book?" You may mean well, you might be mocking me. But if you are really curious, this movie might give you an idea of what it's like. If your mocking me, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW? So why pick Resident Evil to jump back on this wagon to please the fan or two I may have? I have no fucking idea. This movie stinks! And I mean stinks, like the kind of stink where you walk into a public bathroom and there is a four hundred pound man shitting so loud it sounds like he's summoning Bahamut. Let's start with the beginning. This movie hits so many dead ends in the plot and story in the first twenty minutes it was ridiculous. The story stopped dead in its tracks every five minutes it seemed. It was like teaching a woman to drive a stick shift or something. The acting was laughable at best. The stars of this film were Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, and Michelle Rodriguez. The Captain of this sinking ship is Paul W.S. Anderson. The CG...this movie was 90% CG, and it was terrible. You think you would want to have good consistent CG if you're going to use so much. This movie felt like nothing more than filler, lots and lots of filler, to close the gaps that was created by the last film. They did not end this franchise, there will be another. They said this was the last one, but apparently that's not true. Fuck! This film, I can't even recommend to the fanboys, or those loyal to the franchise. This dead horse has been beaten, leave it be. If you, Hollywood, are going to end this, please make this last movie, it. In my personal opinion, the only redeeming thing about this movie is Sienna Guillory. She was in both Resident Evils Afterlife, and Apocalypse. This woman is gorgeous, and very easy on the eyes; that's all. I give Resident Evil: Retribution a 1 out of 4. If this is something you must see, wait until it comes on television. If then, find something that will keep you busy, you won't need to pay much attention.