The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - If it shall end in fire, then we will burn togher

I was on hiatus... I got nothing else for you. I was busy working on my book business. I even had to start a second blog so my readers can get to know me. It's strange to say that I have readers, but it feels good none-the-less. But being back doing a review feels pretty good too. Glad to be back.

The review is on The Hobbit numero dose. First of all, let me get this off my chest. Why the hell is the Hobbit three films long, each spanning almost three hours? My copy of the Hobbit is 305 pages. That is three hours for every hundred pages; and even then there's parts in this movie that aren't in the book. Money hungry bastards. I have actually seen this film twice since its release. Once doing the double feature on Thursday, and again on Sunday, and I shall tell you why. The first time going, I wasn't impressed with the film at all. These two little bitches and there male friend who was prick as well were just chatting away through both movies; even after being told to shut up. Lucky for them I don't hit girls. Another thing that bugged me was my girlfriend having RLS and it would not stop. The whole thing took me out of the experience and eventually ended up making fun of the movie. Turns out I just needed a Snickers. The second time through I loved the movie, I was engulfed in the experience. I still have my issues, but they are minuscule. You know the director and you know the actors, so I'm not gonna' name them all off for you. But the she-elf chick, Tariel? That was the girl in Lost, didn't see it until the second time through. So naturally I loved the acting and story. It was a bit quirky, but I can overlook that I suppose. The talking spiders? But I get it that Bilbo obtains this power to understand them, or possibly the darkness through the ring. Just my interpretation of it. The river scene I was also a little silly, but entertaining. But in the area of quirkiness, for some reason, I wanted more dwarf songs. I mean if they are adding stuff in, why not? Keep with the theme of a light-hearted group on a noble quest. But that would interfere with the fact that the ring might be affecting their minds as well. Too many what ifs. The animation on some of the scenes were a bit choppy for me. I prefer my animation to be seamless. Spend the extra money and go the distance. You're gonna' make it back. I gave you fifty bucks already to see your movie twice, come on. Let me tell you what I did love. Smaug. I love dragons. Dragons were the reason I started playing Magic the Gathering and World of Warcraft. But none of those pussy dragons from Eragon or Dragonheart. No, they did it right with Smaug. Everything from its size to its posture, scales, eyes, its attitude was perfect. Yeah you go ahead and be cocky, Smaug, you have every right to be. Because the old tales do fall utterly short to your enormity, oh Smaug the Magnificent. The dragon made the movie for me. It made me long for more scenes with Bilbo and Smaug conversing. But he's fire, he's death, blah blah blah, I get it, go kill something you beautiful death machine. After my Snickers I really liked this film, there is very little flaw to find. It's a fun movie for everyone, but please, if you have a baby, don't bring it to the movies. You spoil it for everyone else! I give The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug a 4 out of 4. I started out clean but I'm jaded. Just phoning it in, oh, just breaking my skin. Can you help me I'm bent. I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Keep breaking me in. And this is how we will end. With you and me...bent.

World War Z - Just say the word

I got a thing for zombies. The zombie genre, the creatures, the sheer possibility of it all is absolutely fascinating to me. The most likely of its origins would be a virus. But there is so much potential with it. I don't want to spoil anything. I'm already excited writing this review. Favorite zombie film has to be either Zombieland or 28 Days Later. It's difficult to create an original zombie film. I'm not saying that World War Z has accomplished this, but it is definitely a step ahead of its peers. World War Z starred Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos and Daniella Kertesz. The director was Marc Forster who also did Quantum of Solace and Monsters Ball. The movie starts off giving little tidbits in the background about the plot; while an unsuspecting father/husband (Pitt) is going on about his daily life. The first twenty minutes of this film is probably the most thrilling beginning to a movie I had ever seen. Pitt and his family are stuck in traffic; then all of a sudden mass panic breaks out and Pitt and his family are given a very violent shove into this "War". I loved this movie. It was thrilling, there wasn't a scene where I was left bored. Since the movie I have been wanting to find the book, but the libraries haven't had them in stock, and I'm too cheap right now to buy it. The acting was done well as was the directing. The CG felt more like a high-end blockbuster video game than anything else. It was still nice to look at, but not up to my standards; but I have seen worse. Do not go into this movie expecting to see your run of the mill, shoot em' up, big explosions, zero plot, zombie movie. World War Z was a film with substance and depth. Though it did have it's moments that were filled with action that did not disappoint, it was clever and innovative about it. I never thought for a moment zombies could do the things that I saw in that film. Which now forces me to rethink my survival strategy. I enjoyed seeing the plague grow and evolve as any virus would, making the film seem a little more real. The smartest thing about this film was it's ending. Every ending to every zombie film is to escape to some land and hope for the best. That is a terrible ending idea without any reward. World War Z doesn't do that, the ending was very satisfying and clever. You truly would have to think like a scientist to come up with a solution like this. This film was an action packed thriller, with a splash of horror and suspense. This movie was good. I had wanted to see it as much as I did Man of Steel. I want more. Instead of seeing Monsters University, I just might go see this film a second time. I give World War Z a 3 1/2 out of 4. That's what makes you larger than life.

Speaking of which, I completely forgot to review This is the End. Starring Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride and Craig Robinson. I absolutely loved this film. It's stupid, but I loved it; it was hilarious! I can't believe I forgot about it. I'm getting old. This film is definitely worth a watch. Danny McBride was the funniest character of the bunch. I give This is the End a 3 1/2 out of 4. If there was a little nudity I would have given it a four.

Man of Steel - You are not alone

"You will give the people an ideal to strive toward. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you, will help them, accomplish wonders." Jor-El

They very first time I heard that quote in the very first trailer I saw, it gave me chills. I was inspired. I was filled with emotion. From friends and family, they had said the same thing; I'm glad I wasn't the only one. This movie sends a message. A message that I believe a lot of people need to sit down and mull over. That is that the majority of people need to sit down, and really think about what kind of person they want to be. Super or not, good or bad, that person will help shape the world. It's true, regardless of the roll. Man of Steel starred: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Diane Lane, Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner. The director was Zack Snyder, who also did 300, Watchmen and Sucker Punch. This was the movie to see this summer for me. Was I let down? Yes, and no. I feel it wasn't because I had this thing on a pedestal. By far, some of the greatest battle scenes I have ever seen. They felt real too. The CG was spot on. Something that Zack Snyder excels at. The fight scenes alone make this movie worth going to.  But the film felt cold and emotionless. Very little character development. This film could have stood to be twenty or thirty minutes longer, just to help with character development. It felt quick, like they wanted to get to the action as soon as possible. All this stuff was happening, but I didn't even care about the consequences. This film was cold and emotionless. There was very little wit or humor that this film desperately needed. Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner were amazing. Would I like a sequel? Yes, but please work on building the characters. They jumped straight into Zod invading the planet and fighting. This film also reminded me why I hate Superman so much. No real threat for me. He can't be beat! And I hate it! But if Superman were to have an opponent to battle on equal terms, it would truly reshape the planet. I liked this film, despite all that it was lacking. I give Man of Steel a 3 out of 4. I'm no Superman, I hope you like me as I am.

After Earth - Fear is a choice

Controlling your fear is one of the greatest challenges any one person could overcome. Everyone fears something different, it's imprinted into our minds. Hell, I'm afraid of spiders. When I see one, I scream and run leaving a trail of urine behind me. But spiders are a universal fear...they're just creepy. I don't know what I'm afraid of. Sure, if a large predator is in front of me I'll be afraid. But that could be said about anyone. I fear failing I suppose, letting those I care about down. That's real fear for me. Facing your fear, and overcoming it is what After Earth is about. This film starred Will Smith and Jaden Smith. The director came as a shock to me, it was M. Night Shyamalan. I didn't know it was him until we were walking by the movie poster and someone pointed it out. This guy is one of the worst directors I have ever seen, but I keep giving him chances for redemption. This chance was an accident. This film was...underwhelming at best. It was something I expected so much more from. I didn't have it on a pedestal or anything, I just expected more. The acting was underwhelming. Will Smith is a seasoned actor, a great actor, and I expected more. Jaden, yeah you can cry on command...so what? You're not good enough to do shit without your daddy. Hey, Will, come wipe your son's ass and tell him to try again. Maybe Karate Kid 2 will be good. This movie felt short. I wanted to see more of the life on Earth and interactions with it. I didn't get enough of it. I was fascinated to see what could be. The story was underwhelming as well. This film could have done without the alien concept. Two things that did bother me that I had to bring up. One, you mastered space and time and the best weapon you had was a sword? Shenanigans! Two, Earth had been untouched for a thousand years, no pollution, just lush green forest covering the land. Why did they have trouble breathing? Maybe I wasn't paying attention when they were explaining both of these concepts. This film is just there. It doesn't impress, nor does it completely disappoint. I give After Earth a 2 out of 4. Fear is only the thought of the future, of what will happen if you allow yourself to be controlled by the fear. However, if you focus on the current moment, there will be nothing to fear.

Now You See Me - Faith can move mountains

Magic...yeah I believe in it. Why not? What is so wrong about believing in the fantastical? Letting your mind slip into a realm of making the impossible, possible. Have you ever felt something that you couldn't explain, that you couldn't see, but you knew was there? It's magic, and it exists in a multitude of forms. Some perceive it as miracles, faith, love, or even something as simple as coincidence. I believe in magic. Now You See Me, is a film about a bunch of street performing magicians who make it big overnight and rob banks. That's it in a nutshell; I could go deeper, but that would give away the plot. This film starred: Jesse Eisenberg,  Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Dave Franco and Morgan Freeman. The director was Louis Leterrier. He also directed The Incredible Hulk, Clash of the Titans and The Transporter movies. This explains some of the issues I had with this film. This movie was predictable. The magic tricks could be seen from miles away as well as the plot twists. The magic in this film felt like it was done by an amateur. The casting was correct, I loved the actors, with the exception of Mark Ruffalo. I just wasn't a fan of the work he did...stick with the Hulk. I loved the concept of this film, the idea was original, it was great. I wanted to know more about the end result of this film. Yes, the journey was fun, but the destination was more interesting to me. A sequel isn't in order, but I would have liked it if they dabbed just a bit more into what they were working for. That's just me though. A splash more comedy, and a little less of Ruffalo being a cry-ass and this film would have been something special. Oh, and a better director. There was such potential here, and I deeply looked forward to this film. I'd still recommend this film, maybe for a rent. I'll end up buying it just because I'm a movie whore. I give Now You See Me a 2 1/2 out of 4. Remember, the closer you get, the less you'll actually see.

Hangover 3 - We had a sick night, bitches

Why did I go see this movie? So many people asked me why? I will be honest, I loved the first one. I did, there, I said it! I'm not ashamed! But this franchise didn't spiral down hill slowly, like most do. It hit rock bottom on the sequel and the third one was a desperate climb to hit a happy medium again. Well I can at least assume that's what they were going for. Hangover 3 starred: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong and John Goodman. The director was Todd Phillips who directed the Hangover trilogy, Due Date and Old School. Would you believe that Ken Jeong is a licensed M.D.? Yeah, the guy is a doctor, who'd a thunk? Before this movie even came out, and they were calling this film the end of the series. I kinda figured it was because Bradley Cooper was getting too big for these kinds of films. The accolades he has received in other roles has set him above such projects. He is making his way up that acting ladder. Even in this role I enjoyed his work. Yeah, yeah, ladies he's easy on the eyes. But you must look past that, and you will see that with each film he does, his acting improves substantially. It's remarkable. Films like this are beneath him...for now. I could count on one hand, the times I laughed during this movie. Being a comedy, there shouldn't be an excuse for that. Galifianakis's antics that were supposed to be funny, were more annoying than anything. The humor and story got stale very quickly. It was missing something, this film desperately needed something to save it. That something did not appear until after the first few moments of credits. I laughed, I laughed hysterically, and that's the movie I wanted to see. I wanted to know what the hell happened THAT night. But, alas, we don't always get what we want. Along with the language and male nudity, this was a below average movie. Don't get excited, I've seen popcorn kernels bigger than what I saw. I give Hangover 3 a 1 out of 4. What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know, goes away, in the end. You could have it all...

Star Trek Into Darkness - I only know what I can do

Star Trek, space, the final frontier, and all that other crap. Who am I kidding? I'm a Star Wars guy, so I was a bit out of my element when I saw this movie. The crappy thing about it was I missed the opening night showing! Curse my theater and their shifty ways! Star Trek starred Chris Pine, Zachery Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, Karl Urban, John Cho and Benedict Cumberbacht. I'm sure I forgot a few. The director was J.J. Abrams. You know what he did. So I'm going to tell you what he is doing in the next few years. We got Star Wars VII, Cloverfield two, Portal, Half-Life, Mission Impossible 5 and Star Trek 3. Sir, you gave me a nerdgasm! These movies were announced, the release dates very. Waiting is the worst part. Any who, on to the review. I loved the first Star Trek movie. It was an interesting retelling of the original story. I was happy to see all of the actors come back to do their roles again. It's rare now-a-days to see an actor not come back; but it's still disappointing when it does happen. The plot is pretty simple and linear so it's difficult to mess up. There is a rogue Star fleet officer, and he must be brought to justice. To me, this movie should have felt a lot more personal. It certainly had the potential to be. I just didn't feel anything. There were plenty of scenes that had tons of emotion involved. I don't think the directors heart was in it. I hear J.J. is a Star Wars guy. My thoughts on that are that if you simply don't care about the project, you shouldn't be involved in the first place. He did a wonderful job with the CG. The acting was done well. But I felt absolutely zero emotion. Along with that the story itself was pretty serious, and I felt it should have been longer. The threat and danger levels weren't as severe as they should have been. With a villain of this magnitude, I expected more. A lot was at stake with this film. I don't feel there was enough. Maybe I'm just greedy. Aside from my personal issues with it, every part of me says I should dislike this movie. But I don't. I still enjoyed myself. It kept my attention. Plus, I thought it was hilarious to see how uncomfortable Zachery Quinto was to kiss a woman. I really liked this movie. Was it enough to turn me into a Trekkie? No, only the Borg can assimilate me. I would recommend this film to anyone who would ask about it. I give Star Trek Into Darkness a 3 out of 4. The hatred we carry will only generate more hatred. May the force be with you.