Breaking Dawn part 1 - Just wants something to sink its teeth into

This review is on Breaking Dawn part 1. The main characters are played by...you know what? If you don't know who these people are by now, then you have done yourself a wonderful service. This film was directed by Bill Condon who also did Dream Girls and Chicago. I don't really know where to begin? I'm at a loss for words, this is so bad it's unbelievable. The music bugged the hell out of me. Oh my god it bugged me! After every bad "dramatic" or "touching" scene there was an even worse song. This is the kind of music that you would hear in an elevator, coffee shop, or some high school asshole has on his ipod. The music was so bad I wanted to splash hot coffee on my face so my screams would drowned out the noise. But how do I judge such a movie? I myself don't believe in love, and this story is revolved around such a thing that can be replicated by large amounts of chocolate. The acting was laughable, much worse than the last movies. Which must be hard to do because they have been playing these roles for about four or five years. The lines were so damn cheesy, I couldn't help but laugh. "There is no measurement of time I could spend with you that could be enough. So lets start with forever." PLEASE! Yuck! I mean talking about cashing in at the right place in the right time. This movie is garbage, the story is garbage. These characters are false and unrealistic, they are only hear to dazzle the ignorant and for the fat to lament. I'm probably being too harsh. But I hated it. Breaking Dawn part 1 gets a 1 out of 4. And unfortunately I will probably see the last one, I saw the other four so why not?

Footloose Sexier than a chicken wearing socks

This review is on Footloose. Starring Kenny Wormwald, Julian Hough, and Dennis Quaid. Footloose was directed by Craig Brewer who also did Black Snake Moan and Hustle & Flow. Bit of a stretch if you ask me. Please allow me to begin this review by saying, Dennis Quaid, really REALLY needs to throw in the towel. I am beginning to hate this man and his awfully substandard acting. STOP! You are almost as bad as your brother. I walked into the theater with a very indifferent feeling about this film. An employee even said there is an exit inside the theater and just outside our theaters entrance if we needed an escape. Wasn't too comforting. I have seen the original film but memory is lacking at the current moment. Fragments remain of Kevin Bacon dancing around. I assumed like most remakes that this was going to be absolutely terrible. The film starts off with a bunch of kids dancing and having a good time. Five of them drive home across a bridge and there is a fatal car accident killing all five kids. Poor driving if you ask me. I mean kissing someone while driving is kind of stupid in the first place. I laughed out loud with some subtlety, but I was the only one, giving me the feeling my sense of humor is a bit twisted. So laws are set in place where dancing in public and playing loud "bad" music is illegal. And the plot is introduced in the first five minutes of the film. My biggest issue in this movie is Julian Hough's character. She annoyed me so much. I have never seen a girl try so hard to be slutty. It was pathetic, and yes that was her character, but who is that desperate to be with someone? Who is that insecure? This is a bit off subject, sort of, but here's a line from Kenny Wormwald that should be of help to the desperate. "Yeah we can roll around. But that sweat on your back is going to dry, and you are still gonna' feel like shit." But I digress. I didn't like her character. The relationships between the main character and his friends were developed rather quickly. But none-the-less I did enjoy them. I didn't mind Kenny's acting, I have witnessed better and worse. The dancing. Oh the dancing, this is what I enjoyed the most. The sequences got me tapping my foot, and the music was stuck in my head. I was even singing the Footloose song before we even went to the movies. After the movie I was dancing for hours, with some liquid courage. And when I woke up the music was still in my head and I was shaking my hips. It is a bit out of character for me but I like where it's going. All in all I liked it. Footloose isn't going to win any best actor/actress awards. But it was a fun film to go to if you don't mind the mediocrity that Dennis Quaid provides. I give Footloose a 2 1/2 out of 4. It would get a three, I really wanted to give it a three but I hate Julian Hough's character. Now if you don't mind I'm going to go and dance some more.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - Apes are stupid

This review is on Rise of the Planet of the Apes starring James Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida Pinto, and John Lithgow. This movie was directed by Rupert Wyatt who also did the Escapist. I had no real expectations for this movie. But seeing the beginning of this saga seemed interesting enough for me. This movie starts out with the apes being captured and forced into a lab where tests were performed on them. The tests were for a virus strain that could cure Alzheimer disease. During the demonstration one of the apes go crazy and escape injuring people and were forced to kill it leaving a baby behind. This movie had it's good points and bad points. I liked most of the acting, Franco did a decent job pretending there was a monkey in front of him. Okay the acting wasn't the issue with me. I hated how fake the CG looked. The animation was horrible and kept taking me away

from the movie. But not all of the animation, mostly just the scenes where there were monkeys and humans. When it was just the apes they seemed to put a little more detail and realism into it. The movie did a good job filling all of the details the earlier movies had created. Really wasn't anything left out. But the movie was slow and a little drawn out. Watching it once was enough. A second time might be a chore. Rise of the Planet of the Apes gets a 2 out of 4. I thought it was better than Cowboys and Aliens. But not by much.

Cowboys and Aliens - You don't remember do you

This review is on Cowboys and Aliens starring Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, and Olivia Wilde. This movie was directed John Favreau who also worked on Zoo Keeper and Iron man 1 and 2. Cowboys and Aliens. My first thought was 'you got to be fucking kidding me.' This looked like an extremely poor idea. It seemed like another Snakes on a Plane, which was also over hyped and the publicity was insane. Cowboys and Aliens wasn't as hyped but it still came out of nowhere and suddenly there is advertising all over the T.V. and other events I witnessed. The movie starts off with Daniel Craig waking up in the middle of a desert with a metallic device attached to his wrist. Of course the device instantly reminded me of a Pipboy from Fallout 3 and made me want one very much so. But I digress. Craig is immediately surrounded by men whom take it upon themselves to assume he is a criminal and take him in. The action scene that follows seemed scripted as did all other fight scenes between humans. I wasn't impressed with the action. What I did like is that the technology their main ship consisted of wasn't shy of ours. Still better and capable of mastering space and time, but the model seemed similar. Daniel Craig's character seemed very bland. Sure he was just playing the strong silent type, but he should have some flavor. He felt like some mindless doll that moved and shot a gun when told to. Harrison Ford didn't have any issues playing a grumpy old man. The acting was mediocre at best. The alien animation wasn't terrible but their characteristics were lazy at best. I liked the movie but it felt like a cookie that lacked all sugar and flavor. No depth and some urgency but the urgency didn't matter if I didn't care. I give Cowboys and Aliens a 2 out of 4. It's worth a rent.

Harry Potter The Deathly Hollows pt. 2 - Lets finish this how it began, together

This review is on Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows pt 2. Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint. Directed by David Yates who also did Harry Potter's 5, 6, and 7. Well Harry Potter for me like many others has been kind of a family tradition of some sort. I personally started the series on book 5 which I would say was my favorite, that or 6 it's close. But none the less this franchise is one of the few that have managed to keep my attention and even wanting more. But the movies have always left something lacking. And with The Deathly Hallows pt. 2 I think I have finally figured out what that was. Even though they left stuff out from the books I believe what they lacked was the emotional punch the books had. My heart could not get into the movies as it did the books. Especially the last movie, the most heart wrenching moments in the franchise happens in the last story and I felt absolutely nothing. Maybe it was the fact that I was up for twenty four hours when I saw it or it was the fact that it was poorly done. My guess it was poorly done, even the Oscar moments were sadly lame with bad makeup. I'm keeping this brief as I am sure all of my adoring fans have scene this movie already. From what I have heard I am the only person who feels this way, so I'm sure it's just me and my expectations were just through the roof. I love the books but the movies were another story. They were okay and got better with age but were still very mediocre. I give Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows pt. 2 a 2 out of 4. You know she is gonna make more. She'd be dumb not to. Hell I want more.

Transformers Dark of the Moon - You may lose your faith in us, but never in yourselves

This review is on Transformers Dark of the Moon Starring Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and Josh Duhamel. This movie was directed by the destruction porn master himself Micheal Bay. This was the movie I was waiting for this summer. It's redemption time baby yeah! Or is it? Revenge of the Fallen was to say the least not very good. The humor forced into the move was less than needed, and kind of stupid. Unfortunately some of this humor transferred into this movie. It was very hit and miss but again took away from the movie for me. And I know Megan Fox is a complete bitch. But to reference her in the movie and how much of a bitch she was to work with was kind of childish, and very unprofessional. Don't bring your personal squabbles into my viewing pleasures. Megan Fox's replacement Rosie still couldn't act, but was better than Fox. The beginning of this movie was rather a pointless one and could have been cut out because the movie was almost 3 hours long. It starts off with Sam out looking for a job while living with his girlfriend. But has lost his self worth and meaning without the Autobots. There were some funny scenes with John Malcovich. Well all this job searching leads to Sam running into a coworker who was involved in the space program and Apollo eleven. Apollo Eleven and the space race with the Russians was a massive cover up to investigate the alien craft that crashed on the dark side of the moon. The Russians took the ships engine and kept in Chernobyl. Well we can all guess what happened there. Well only 35 or so people were involved with the real truth behind the space race and all were slowly being assassinated. And so uncovering these murders leads the assassin to Sam and thus the plot begins. Well a simple plot I suppose, no real depth to it. Though there was unneeded silly comedy this movie was darker than the others. Which I believe the franchise needs. When there was violence it was heavy. But with the violence came no real urgency or threat. It was fun to watch but I had no worry about the main characters well beings. The animation was lackluster and could have been better especially with the caliber of the franchise. I have had a lot of negative things to say about this movie, but I still liked it. It's still not the Transformers movie I have been waiting for but its a small step in the right direction. With that being said I'm not sure they will make any more. I absolutely hated the ending. If this was the end of the franchise. It was an ending I was very let down by and would not have envisioned for the end of Transformers. It was very rushed and I couldn't help but roll my eyes and say "really?". Very let down. I liked it but there was too much I found wrong with this film. But at the same time I feel it was on par with the first movie. I give Transformers Dark of the Moon 2 1/2 out of 4. Please don't end it on this note. Oh almost forgot Shockwave, bad ass, I don't quite understand what he was but I liked it.

Green Lantern - It's called courage

This review is on Green Lantern Starring Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, and Peter Sarsgaard. The director was Martin Campbell who also did Casino Royale and Goldeneye. This is one of the movies I have been hearing that a lot of people want to see. Before I get into this I have a real serious issue with superhero movies these days. They need to make a rule, only one actor per hero. Yes I am looking at you Ryan Reynolds and Chris Evans. For those of you who don't know Evans played Johnny Storm or better know as the Human Torch. But he is also playing Steve Rogers/Captain America. He was also in The Losers, Scott Pilgrim VS. the World, all comics. Come on dude get some diversity. But what happens when they do a major cross over such as the Civil War. In the marvel universe that was a pretty big thing and what are you going to do when the Human Torch and Captain America need to be in the same scene? Yeah its stupid and it needs to stop. But I digress. The Green Lantern starts the movie off with Hal Jordan being reckless and mouthy, typical for a Reynolds character. Thank god he is reprising his role in the upcoming Deadpool film in 2014. Jordan is a pilot whom is flying fighter jets with his partner played by Blake. Against two unbeatable jets completely unmanned controlled by A.I.. Well Hal taking this as a challenge and does something stupid and this whole Topgun thing kicks in. An event that happened in his past triggers in his mind causing him to freak out. Sure it has a little relevance to the lesson in this movie but I honestly didn't give a rats ass about it. So skipping ahead and Jordan obtains his powers and is left with the struggle in his mind if he is worthy of such a gift. Will he let his old self get in the way of him becoming the hero the universe needs him to be? There is another major thing that I didn't really care for and that's his suit. It was completely CG, really? You couldn't make a decent Green Lantern costume? His suit was very distracting to me, and the almost cartoony CG at times took me out of the experience. But in a nutshell this was a good movie, I liked the growth of the characters. I felt a sense of urgency when the protagonist was causing its mayhem. Plus it kinda creeps me out. Reynolds did a good job playing sort of the same role he always does. But I truly think he was meant for Deadpool. I have mixed feelings about this movie. It was very fun to watch but flawed in ways that I felt I was nitpicking. I give Green Lantern a 2 1/2 out of 4. It was good and I really wanted to love this movie but we could only be friends...don't call me I'll call you. It was a nice first try on a DC comic going to film. Super Man and Batman can't be the only heavy hitters. Oh, stay after the first batch of credits there is a little surprise. Maybe a little teaser for a sequel?