Hotel Transylvania - You only zing once

Hotel Transylvania wasn't exactly my top pick for a movie to go see this weekend, but then again it wasn't fully my choice. Looper, looks absolutely awful, it wasn't even playing at our theater; but I would have rather seen that instead. Dredd... Some how got some okay reviews, I wouldn't have minded seeing that as well. Hotel Transylvania, God I don't want type that out over and over; can't I just call it a Hot Trany? Okay, okay, bad joke...but still funnier than the crap I had to listen to. Well, I can't call it all crap, Hot Trany did provide a few good jokes, quirky, but good. A few actors from this cast were Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, and so on and so on. The director was Genndy Tatakovsky, the name sounded familiar but really couldn't put my finger on it until I had to look him up. This guy did several T.V. series such as Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack, Power Puff Girls, and recently Star Wars The Clone Wars. So this guy drew the cartoons of my late childhood. Hot Trany was his very first movie, so I guess I can't be too rough on him. This movie is about an over protective Dracula father (Sandler), sheltering his Dracula daughter (Gomez). That's it... What this movie lacked was any real depth, But at the same time it's a kids movie. The message was there and it was loud and clear, I just hate how it was delivered. Samberg's character was annoying to high hell! I literally left the theater with a headache from his and his character's doucheyness. In the film everyone at one point was bored, and then suddenly he pulls out a scooter and everyone is having a blast because he is SO EXTREME! Get the F**K out of here, what simple minded asshole is gonna fall for that empty humor? But, again, it's a kids movie and I'm going too deep with it. I'm not a parent, some day I hope to be if I ever become so lucky. I love cartoons, and the ones I grew up on were funny, amazing, and helped mold the nerd I am today. The point is, I would want my child to get something from the story. Not this senseless garbage I see on T.V. now, that has absolutely nothing to do with nothing other than to make you retarded. And one more thing...I hate Adam Sandler. And the music, oh god, the music...gross! I give this Hot Trany a 1 1/2 out of 4. A quick little note, Rise of the Guardians looks AWESOME!!! Give it a gander.

End of watch - You are my brother

There are bonds that people experience in their time on this world. Bonds of love, friendship, and even hatred. Love, if it weren't for my own personal experiences, would say that it is the most powerful force on this world. It can conquer all, start wars, bring down empires, or crush a spirit. Platonic love between two friends that are very close could be just as strong. Though I'm sure neither would admit it, but brotherhood can run deeper than blood. End of Watch, is at heart a bromance. This film stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Micheal Pena and Anna Kendrick. The director is David Ayer who also did Training Day. Training Day is one of my favorite movies, so I was super excited to see this. This film captured the bonds of brotherhood in such a way that I had not seen it in any other movie. It was touching, and believable, the acting was spectacular, some of the best I have seen this year. The actors portraying the cartel seemed very convincing, though my knowledge with the cartel is limited. None-the-less, they were scary. I'm sure the style this movie was shot had something to do with it, but this movie felt very real to me, and it left me wanting more. I didn't fully understand what this movie was about until I researched it a bit. The basic plot to this film is two regular police officers accidentally stumble onto cartel activities. I loved this movie, there were no flaws that I observed. I have nothing negative to say, and if I overload you with compliments it will seem like I am gushing. I could understand people not liking this film because of the way it was shot, and maybe the lack of nudity, but other than that there is no real excuse to hate this film. I give End of watch a 4 out of 4. It was a fantastic and seemingly real experience. I can't recommend this enough. GO SEE IT!   

House at the End of the Street - I defended you

With most horror movies you get a sense of urgency, tension, fear and an aftermath of having troubles walking around in the dark alone. You don't get that with HATES. Yes, I'm calling it HATES. Unless you want me to repeatedly write House at the End of the Street, because House at the End of the Street is a long title; and I just don't want to write House at the End of the Street multiple times. In my personal opinion HATES shouldn't be classified as horror, but maybe a psychological thriller. I use the term, thriller, loosely. This film Starred the lovely, Jennifer Lawrence, yes, I have a stupid crush on this girl, and yes, it is the reason why I went and saw this film. I would marry this chick! It also starred Elizabeth Shue, It took me forever to remember this woman's name, I thought about it for half of the film and it bugged the shit out of me. And Max Thieriot; you sir, I hate you. The director was Mark Tonderai, outside of television, I think this is the first movie he has done, makes sense. This film wasn't good by any means, but at the same time it wasn't terrible either. Now, it not being terrible, could that be stemming from my little celebrity crush? Maybe, but that doesn't stop this film from drowning with mediocrity and predictability. This movie does itself a disservice by keeping you ten steps ahead of itself. Less then halfway through the movie I had it figured out. The acting wasn't terrible, not at all, the plot was decent and had the potential to be very twisted and interesting. This movie just suffered from bad writing, bad directing, and poor execution. And ladies, I'm asking you this. Every scary movie I have seen, there is always a noise, a dark corridor, or a locked door that you MUST check out...why? Of course if you didn't it would stop the story in it's tracks, but it doesn't make sense and it pisses me off. Jennifer, you can do so much better then this pile of crap. I understand you are still new and finding your style, but you can do better. I give HATES a 1 1/2 out of 4. Call me!

Resident Evil: Retribution - Good luck with that

Hello! I was on a hiatus, well, sort of. I just didn't see anything really worth reviewing. Total Recall, 1 1/2, it was boring and a little stupid. Expendables 2, a 3, but I just didn't give a shit enough to review that movie. Bourne...I fell asleep, then it ended. The Possession, a 2, wasn't bad, wasn't good, didn't care. The Words, a 4, I regret not reviewing this movie, it was beautiful. For all the people who come up to me and ask, "hey, whats taking so long with your book?" You may mean well, you might be mocking me. But if you are really curious, this movie might give you an idea of what it's like. If your mocking me, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW? So why pick Resident Evil to jump back on this wagon to please the fan or two I may have? I have no fucking idea. This movie stinks! And I mean stinks, like the kind of stink where you walk into a public bathroom and there is a four hundred pound man shitting so loud it sounds like he's summoning Bahamut. Let's start with the beginning. This movie hits so many dead ends in the plot and story in the first twenty minutes it was ridiculous. The story stopped dead in its tracks every five minutes it seemed. It was like teaching a woman to drive a stick shift or something. The acting was laughable at best. The stars of this film were Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, and Michelle Rodriguez. The Captain of this sinking ship is Paul W.S. Anderson. The CG...this movie was 90% CG, and it was terrible. You think you would want to have good consistent CG if you're going to use so much. This movie felt like nothing more than filler, lots and lots of filler, to close the gaps that was created by the last film. They did not end this franchise, there will be another. They said this was the last one, but apparently that's not true. Fuck! This film, I can't even recommend to the fanboys, or those loyal to the franchise. This dead horse has been beaten, leave it be. If you, Hollywood, are going to end this, please make this last movie, it. In my personal opinion, the only redeeming thing about this movie is Sienna Guillory. She was in both Resident Evils Afterlife, and Apocalypse. This woman is gorgeous, and very easy on the eyes; that's all. I give Resident Evil: Retribution a 1 out of 4. If this is something you must see, wait until it comes on television. If then, find something that will keep you busy, you won't need to pay much attention. 

Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises - It's not what's beneath, but what we do that defines us

I'm here to write a review and talk about movies. But I would like to take a second and say that my heart goes out to those involved in the shooting in Colorado. I am truly sorry for your losses.

I went and saw all three Batman films last night done by Christopher Nolan. Let's start off at the very beginning. Let's wind the clocks back to 1995 with Batman Forever...what happened? Did your balls drop off? You ravaged the image of Batman that Tim Burton left in his wake. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin were God awful, soiling the legendary hero's name. Well, Mr. Nolan, you have changed things, forever, there is no going back. There was a bar set by you, and it is a bar that only you could reach and topple. Batman Begins was directed by Christopher Nolan. This film starred Christian Bale, Micheal Caine, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Morgan Freeman, and Gary Oldman. Batman Begins was filmed in 2005 reigniting the franchise from a greatly needed hibernation. This franchise was rebuilt from the ground up, making  the city of Gotham seem more realistic, easier to relate to. The story of Bruce Wayne and him becoming Batman was much darker. Although, the new story line was welcome, the constant flashbacks and some of them being repeated got annoying. I almost felt spoon-fed his memories, making sure I recall every moment. With Nolan sending the message that Gotham is ready to believe in good, maybe you should believe that not all of your viewers are morons. Every character was integrated with the story naturally making them feel right. I did have issues with Katie Holmes, I guess that's why she wasn't in number two. I did like the villain choice, Scarecrow and Ra's al Ghul were good practice for what's to come. The plot was simplistic, and a lot of superhero movies have done. Let's spray everyone with poisonous gasses, ohhhh scary! It's been done. The acting was great, and it was wonderful to see the caped crusader back in action and done right. I give Batman Begins a 3 1/2 out of 4.

The Dark Knight, do I really need to say anything more? Well some may need some convincing, but I won't blow anything out of proportion. It has been a long time coming, and I have been waiting to review this movie. So, here, we, go. Adding to the cast was Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, and Maggie Gyllenhaal who replaced Katie Holmes. Christopher Nolan had Gotham in his hands now, able to mold this metropolis into what ever he wanted. So he destroyed it. Here he truly tested Batman's limits. He could either die a hero, or live long enough to see himself become the villain. Well we aren't quite there yet. The first ten minutes of this movie absolutely blew me away. Giving you just a taste of the Joker, and leaving you craving more. His psyche, and lack of motive was intriguing, he's kind of like a dog chasing a car, he wouldn't know what to do with it if he actually caught one. Heath actually gave you the sense that what ever doesn't kill you only makes you...stranger. I know there are those who would disagree with me, but the Joker played by Heath, was and still is by far one of the greatest characters/villain in any movie. Heath was a one man wrecking crew in this film. I don't even need to mention the other actors. None-the-less, I shall. The new characters flowed seamlessly with the old characters, giving very few hiccups to the story, if any. The acting was flawless, I don't care what the critics and haters say. The plot was great, twisted, and forced heroes and bystanders alike to question their morals, and how far they are willing to go. The sheer complexity and simplicity of the Joker has made him Batman's true nemesis. He was named the greatest villain of all time; just for the small sheer fact that he found human suffering absolutely hilarious. This character is off his fucking rocker, but I am insanely jealous that he wasn't mine to create. The Dark Knight, this was the movie to beat, and in my eyes still is. By any superhero movie. I give The Dark Knight a 5 out of 4. Another Unicorn, with one little issue. That stupid wall ride with the motorcycle...ew.

What are they saying? What does it mean? ...Rise. You, you were Gotham's reckoning. The deal was already sealed with the last film. How do you conquer such a mountain? You rise. The Dark Knight Rises is the supposed last film in the Nolan franchise. New to the cast was Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway, and Marion Cotillard. Taking the mantel of head villain in this movie was Bane. From my knowledge Bane wasn't a very solid mastermind, or lead bad guy for that matter. Before and after seeing the film I believe that he wasn't the right choice to end this franchise on. This was to end all Batmans, so lets shove a little brute force down their throats. Sorry, I might be a brute, but I like my villainy to be deep and meaningful. The plot was lacking, and felt a little repetitive, making me care very little about the problems Gotham was facing. Bane's entrance in the film seemed forced and a little stupid to me. His dialogue and the way he spoke was also annoying. But, out of all the Bane that was brought upon us, I felt very real tension, and great build up all the way to the end of the film. There was very serious calamity about to hit Gotham, and the air thickened as the films time progressed. Outside of the suite, even Bruce Wayne felt the force of Bane's assault, leaving the situation very grim. Excluding Bane, the other characters made themselves right at home within the Batman family, as if they had been there this whole time. Among them, a star, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, what was your full name again? This boy did well beyond my expectations, as he always has. This movie wasn't bad, it had very big shoes to fill, almost impossible expectations to reach. Other reviews claim that this was the greatest film of the franchise, that it shattered any and all expectations, I must disagree. I can't compare and judge this film to its predecessors, it wouldn't be fair. The Dark Knight Rises, was a good film but I do not believe it had risen to my expectations. I give The Dark Knight Rises a 3 out of 4. Fear is why you fail, but it is darkest just before the dawn, and I believe it will not end on this note.

 

Ice Age: Continental Drift - No matter what, you never leave a friend behind

HA! Well I have yet to experience that quality in another human outside immediate family. But I assume that's my fault. So Ice Age, again, I can't believe they made a fourth, and continued to add to the cast. Well I will stick to the main cast if you don't already know. This film stars Ray Romano, Denis Leary, and John Leguizamo. The directors are Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier. I really liked the first Ice Age, maybe that's what keeps me coming back, or its that fucking rat. There wasn't a real story that I cared about in this fourth installment, just separation anxiety. The only real scenes that I looked forward to and laughed about were the ones with Skrat. I paid fifteen bucks to watch an animal that acts like my sisters retarded dog... But any who, there were no real jumps made with the animation, lackluster story, and they tried way to hard with the jokes. The introduction to the new characters felt a little forced. And the integration with the personalities of the moronic generations that have appeared after me was insufferable. "Hey that landslide was EPIC!" " I know right?" Was it? Was it fucking 'Epic'? God, Hollywood, please please leave that shit in the fucking dumpster where it belongs. Back to the story. If the preceding films had any kind of connection this would be a neat little franchise. But they don't, leaving the movies a jumbled mess of forced laughter and a squeamish sloth. Unfortunately I see more Ice Age movies in the future, hopefully leading to a conclusion. I give Ice Age: Continental Drift a 1 1/2 out of 4. The end is near, and things are at their bleakest. But even at the finish there is a light, even at the end of the world.

The Amazing Spider-man - Do you have any idea what you really are?

And they say that hero can save us, I'm not...wait, wrong movie. Sorry about that. Spider-Man, what can I say, Amazing, Spectacular, Fantastic, Ultimate, all of these describe him funny enough. The stars of The Amazing Spider-Man were Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, and Denis Leary. The director was Marc Webb...Webb, HA! He also did (500) Days of Summer and a slew of musical documentaries. This is the supposed untold story of Peter Parker and what happened with his parents. Well this plot wasn't necessarily tackled as much as it probably should have. There was a major diversion, but this diversion was nice and very welcoming. I had a smile on my face the entire time this movie was playing. It wasn't the exact story that I know, but it was still Fantastic. Andrew Garfield captured Peter Parker/Spider-Man almost perfectly, his action stunts and comedic taunts didn't miss a beat, and outside the costume he played the distant and nerdy boy with Amazing accuracy. The story was fun, the actors did very well, and the best part was that the spider costume wasn't always in CG like the last batch of fuck ups. With all of this going for it, hopefully this franchise can prove to be as Spectacular as it promises to be. I hated the idea of another Spider-Man, starting the story over, reintroducing the characters. It all seemed stupid. But I was wrong, thankfully I was very wrong. This was refreshing, with the last Spider-Man fiasco this was needed, redemption was sorely needed after Tobey FuckHead Maguire drug the Spider-Man name through the mud. As the franchise continues I hope that the ball isn't dropped and this becomes the Ultimate Spider-Man that our movie world needs. In the Marvel universe there are Gods, Titans, creatures that can swallow worlds whole, there are villains that command worlds of armies, heavy hitting hero's, The Avengers, X-men, I can go on and on. It is said by his peers, his enemies, and his readers, and now I will say it. Spider-Man is truly the greatest hero of all time, and I believe this movie captured a little bit of that. Despite the plot disruption, I give The Amazing Spider-Man a 4 out of 4. With good people there comes the ability to help others who need it. With good, comes the moral responsibility to do so.