The Hunger Games - May the odds ever be in your favor

So I have literally been ranting and raving about this series, encouraging everyone I could to read it. I couldn't get enough of the world Suzanne Collins had built. I have lost sleep because of this thing. What encouraged me to read it was the movie preview I had scene a month prior to the release. From the first page I was instantly in love, I finished the first book in two days. That's a record for me. I'm kind of a slow reader. But enough of my praise for the book. The Hunger Games starred Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, and Woody Harrelson. The director was Gary Ross who also worked on Seabiscuit, Pleasentville, and Big. There's some variety here, and by his resume something like the Hunger Games is a new ballpark for him. I went into this movie already have built it up to unreachable heights. But I also wanted to treat it as a separate entity from the book. Everyone pictures the books they read differently in their own way. So I knew the director would never be able to capture my version. But I was certain I had nothing to fear. The story of The Hunger Games is a post apocalyptic world being divided into twelve districts and the Capitol. Every year each district offers one male and one female between the ages of twelve and eighteen to be sent into an arena to fight to the death until there is only one remaining. To entertain the citizens of the Capitol, and to show the districts their place under the Capitol. The story starts in district twelve with Katniss Everdeen. Now the actors they got to portray these rolls couldn't have been more perfect. Each actor fit the bill so nicely I was amazed not only with the performances but with how little if at all I had to force myself to imagine these people as the characters I read about. Not to mention Jennifer Lawrence is gorgeous, but that's neither here nor there. If you have already read the book don't go into the movie comparing the two. The only real issues I had were Lenny Kravitz, this guy sucks. He wasn't bad but I'm sure they could have found better. My other issue was Woody Harrelson, I can't imagine anyone else playing this role, I just wish he were a little more rough around the edges. I loved this movie. I can't recommend it enough. I give The Hunger Games a 3 1/2 out of 4. The book ruined me giving the movie a perfect score. But I don't regret reading it first either. See the movie, read the series. I went to the midnight showing, and now I'm going again. This is my Twilight and I will enjoy every second of this story that has enthralled me so. Now I believe that something new can come into this world, something refreshing, something that isn't regurgitated. Unless you have scene the Japanese film Battle Royale.

John Carter - Is there such a thing as too much?

John Carter, when I first saw you, I truly believed that something new could come into this world. That my eyes would be opened, and I would experience a grand story with new adventures. When I saw you John Carter, I was given hope. Hope that our movie industry wasn't doomed to remakes and regurgitating the same old romantic comedy. Well John Carter, you did and didn't bring anything new to this world. Lucky for you I did some homework. Here is a brief history lesson. John Carter or as titled The Princess of Mars was written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1917. Well that's when it was published. It was written in 1911 and titled Under the Moons of Mars and put into a magazine. It only became popular after the success of Tarzan. From then on John Carter made appearances in several other books and comic books. I got my information from Wikipedia so who knows how accurate it is. And besides You aren't here for a lecture you here for the movie. The actors starring in this movie are Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, and Willem Dafoe. The Director is Andrew Stanton, who also worked on Finding Nemo, Toy Story and basically any Disney Pixar film you come across. Well where do I begin? This film starts off after the Civil War with John Carter, a decorated soldier, avoiding the military in search of gold. Only to have fate send him on a much more grand adventure. But what would define a grand adventure? This story follows the basic D.I.D (damsel in distress) formula. I don't plan on reading the books...all eleven of them. But there is too much story here. From what I got out of the movie this story can expand vastly. And I fear if they choose to continue with it, John Carter will suffer the same fate as The Last Air Bender, Directed by M. Knight Shamalamadipshit. This project is massive. The acting was mediocre to sub par. Lynn Collins was AWFUL! I would rather spend a night trapped in Helen Hunts ass listening to a symphony of bowel movements then see this chick in another movie. The graphics were not the best I have seen. Creatures were very unimaginative, but again this was written in 1911 and how exact it is remains a mystery to me. So to claim I saw a Rancor from Star Wars could be inaccurate and maybe the other way around. Environments were lacking...hell I saw a damn temple that looked like the Millennium Falcon for Christ sake. The story did not catch my attention until the last five minutes. Then it got interesting. I don't believe I can give John Carter a fair score. I put this thing on an unreachable pedestal, my expectations were high. If you call this movie the next Star Wars then you better Fucking wow me. Well I'm sorry to say I don't think it is. Dethroning Star Wars would be an impossible task, even for you John Carter. What I did like about the movie was the Physics. You will understand what I mean when you see it. I give John Carter a 1 1/2 out of 4. Again it's not a fair score and I think I should give it another chance. But don't you dare call it the next Star Wars. If anything Star Wars was the next John Carter if you think about it.

Project X - NO! NO! NO! NO!

This review is on Project X. As you can see I'm less than thrilled. This movie Starred Thomas Mann, Oliver Cooper, and Jonathan Daniel Brown. The director was Nima Nourizadeh...WHO? Yeah, never heard of him? Because that's all he did. This movie is about two losers and there loud mouthed, ankle biting friend who can't stop bragging about Brooklyn or where ever he is from. He reminded me of a small dog with a little man complex. But the "story" starts off with Thomas having a birthday party his friends are throwing for him. He supposedly needed it. A game changing party that would make them popular. Well that's pretty much it. I just told you the whole movie. No Plot, no story to care about. Pointless really. There were funny scenes. But the humor was vulgar to the point where the jokes became repetitive and eventually unfunny. Now my biggest problem. I shouldn't complain about naked girls. Being the guy that I am I shouldn't complain. But there are these "actresses" I assume. And they are portraying high school girls. Well they get nude, which again I shouldn't complain. I'm not sure that's even legal. It must be for the simple fact that they are only acting as, and not actually being. But older women are playing high school girls and getting nude. So we are breeding a generation of females that are going to be sluts. And males who are just plain stupid, I'm sure monkeys are smarter than them. And we as a society are okay with this. So I can't really call this a movie review as more of a rant on how worthless high school kids are now these days. This movie is a small portrayal of that. I give Project X a 1/2 out of 4. None of the events in this movie would EVER happen. I saw people walk out of this movie. It isn't worth my time. I'm sure it's not worth yours. Can I get my twelve dollars back?

Project

Star Wars the Phantom Menace - I sense much fear in you

This review is on Star Wars the Phantom Menace. Oh God I'm gonna have a hay day with this. But I will try and keep it short...ish. Starring a young shittier Hayden Christensen (Jake Lloyd), a young Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, and Liam Neeson must have traveled back in time to do this movie because he looks the same. The director is the one and only George Lucas one of the Godfathers of Sci Fi. He also did...well he did...there was Star Wars...and...Indian Jones! I also think he did Willow. But I'm not sure. I will start this thing off by saying I love Star Wars. The universe is amazing and my hats off to Lucas for creating something that will go on long after he is dead. First thing first, The Phantom Menace? That title sucks! When I first saw the movie I didn't fully grasp it. What did it mean? The Sith? How about Return of the Sith? Take it and end the series with Return of the Jedi? I know my title isn't the best or more clever but come on! You are paid millions of dollars for your brilliant creative mind. I don't need to go into detail about how it starts, odds are you have seen this movie. And if not? Well I shall turn you to the Dark Side soon enough. CG was created in 1999, enough said. My biggest complaint about the CG is that the end battle was placed on a green hilly landscape with absolutely no detail to it. This was very annoying and drew my attention from the battle. And this was difficult because no one enjoys the slaughter of Gungans more than I. Speaking of Gungans we all know about Jar Jar Binks. No he wasn't edited out...despite the countless signatures I have given to protesters. This character is insufferable and with much delight I will not have to endure but a line or two in the next movie. The other character I could not stand was Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd).

This kid sucked the life out of me with every line he spoke, leaving me begging for a bullet to my head. I was literally embarrassed to hear this kids lines. How forced they were, it was disgusting. This kid grows up to be Darth Vader? The most powerful Jedi and Sith? This kid did not do justice the respect Darth Vader commanded from everyone else. Jake Lloyd, from the bottom of my heart Fuck You. Now onto the plot. There is a blockade around Naboo and your people are starving? It's a planet with self sustaining life on it. Hunt these creatures, eat them. Take those lasers blast the shit out of the wildlife and feed your people. You are not starving. Try living on Tatooine and run a moisture farm then give me something to really bitch about. How about Hoth? That planet is all ice. The people of Naboo, you are fine. The only thing you have to worry about is a droid army and a small retarded child was able to stop that so again...you are fine. Now the redeeming factors in this movie. Well, the only two things I can think of are Darth Maul played by Ray Park. And the simple fact that it's Star Wars. Hell Darth Maul is on the new posters promoting the re release of this movie. Now the main drive of the film is the 3D. This is the main selling point. Well Lucasfilm, Industrial Light and Magic, did you do your jobs and make this worth it? No, the 3D was garbage. It looked the same with and without my glasses. Spectacular 3D my ASS! My friends, the only reason why I would urge you to go to this film is to celebrate the fact that it is Star Wars. That is the only reason why I went. I love Star Wars and I am willing to support something I love. So if you are a fan like I am go and just have fun, ignore all the bad that outweigh the good. I give Star Wars The Phantom Menace a 1 1/2 out of 4. The half is for the fact that I love Star Wars. I will be at the other five movies. Hopefully in costume and at midnight showings, hopefully all of my friends and loved ones will be there with me nerding it up.

The Woman in Black - The dark can play tricks on the most tamed mind

This review is on The Woman in Black, starring Daniel Radcliffe. The director of this film was James Watkins who also did Eden Lake. I have no idea what that movie is or who the director is so naturally I am treading into unfamiliar waters. The previews for this movie is what attracted me to this film. Then there was Daniel Radcliffe, he managed to get a role outside of Harry Potter. I wanted to see what he could do when he wasn't shaking a stick at someone and shouting silly incantations. This was the time to show the world that you weren't just Harry Potter. That there was an actor underneath those robes, itching to expand his horizons. Was this that film? No, sadly it wasn't. The Woman in Black starts off with Radcliffe as a lawyer/single parent looking after his son. He is summoned to a town to sell a house and finish some paperwork on the previous owner. He comes to find out the previous owner is deceased and her ghost is tormenting the town. And he must find a way to stop her. Lets talk brass tax here. Daniel, let's face it you are no Scooby Doo. I personally did not understand why he was even there. What paperwork did he need to finish? This was not clearly explained, the whole reason for him being there was unclear. I didn't understand his motives. Don't get me wrong there were plenty of scenes that make you jump. These scenes were aided by extremely loud music which was a dead give away. Of course I had a hard time getting into the movie because all of the stupid high school kids giggling and talking the entire time. Listen do me a favor and do what your parents should have done and smash your faces against a wall. Thank you. I digress. This wasn't the movie to test Radcliffe's skill as an actor...if he even has any. But I am willing to give you another chance, I am not without mercy. Horror isn't your genre. Please stick to something within in your limits. The Woman in Black just seemed like throwing Harry Potter into a haunted house and scaring the shit out of him. I

f there was a plot there were too many holes left unexplained. Who knows maybe I'm just nitpicking because he IS Harry Potter. Plus it was strange seeing him as a Dad. This movie felt forced and unnatural. I give the Woman in Black a 1 out of 4. Nice try Mr. Potter. You got one more chance. Do not fail me again.

Chronicle - Don't let it go to your head

This review is on the movie Chronicle starring Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, and Micheal B. Jordan. This film was directed by Josh Trank who also did Big Fan, and Dante's World. I haven't heard of those other two movies personally so I didn't really expect much. When I first saw previews for this film I admit I was intrigued but in the back of my mind I knew this was going to be another poorly written, sloppy plotted, horribly acted, cliched Action/Science Fiction film. It seemed like just another blip on my radar that I was going to let pass me by. But the more previews I saw the more I wanted to see it. Then I read the comments people had posted who had already seen the movie a week or two before it was released. All of them were positive which justified my curiosity. The style of filming I believe is called "Found footage" also used in Blair Witch and Cloverfield. This means the actors are the ones in control of the camera. In my opinion the director learned from the mistakes the other found footage films made and learned from them. I was very impressed with the filming. CG was a little iffy. But at times it didn't even feel like it was filmed in that style. The camera is still very shaky so if you get motion sickness easily this is an early warning, you may get dizzy or sick. This movie begins with Andrew (Dane) working his newly purchased camera in his bedroom deciding to film his entire life from there on out. Immediately you see his home life is less than satisfactory, riddled with abuse from a drunk father, and sadness from a dying mother. But soon everything changes when he and two sort of newly discovered friends find something. I honestly can't be accurate to say what it was. To be safe I can claim it was alien, but that's just a safe bet. The sense of realness to this movie is quite staggering. Just for the fact that there are real families like that, kids being bullied by there parents and there peers at school. It may hit close to home for some. Dane DeHaan impressed me greatly. This boy could have a very bright future in the world of acting. Micheal B. Johnson also did well. The acting from all was above par. The story was very well done. I enjoyed this film very much. I would highly recommend this film to anyone who would ask. But your taste may need to favor science fiction or superheros. I give Chronicle a 3 1/2 out of 4. Expect nothing and you shall come out quite full filled. I can fly.